lucid nightmare

staring at the moon does not exactly do any good for his increasing headache. the moon’s soft rays glow against the windowsill and cast white lights across his bedsheets, but all it does is contribute to the sinking emptiness growing in his chest. 

it almost feels feverish, knowing that he can finally sleep in peace for once in his life, but his body simply refuses to lay down and accept that rest. compulsively, his mind runs through a mental checklist he’s grown so accustomed to for the past three years once again: ganon down? check. monsters removed? check. homes repaired? check, check, and check again. 

it doesn’t feel real.

is there anything left to do? not that he knows of within a fifty-mile radius from his home. he has completed all the tasks set out, fixed everyone’s problems, watered the crops, cleared the weather, eliminated acne and all skin diseases, yada yada yada.

whatever, it’s the hero’s duty, or something.

he squeezes his eyes shut to at least try and drift off into a rest, but the uneasiness in his gut only transfers to his thoughts. 

will you still be useful after this? will everyone appreciate you the same?

when he opens his eyes this time, he is instead lying on the ground of his personal limbo, the GAME OVER letters written in bold, spreading across his head. 

“quit fucking around,” he snaps, waving up at the air (to which unsurprisingly, the words do not budge).  “i know damn well that i’m at full health.”

sitting up, link pushes himself off the ground in an unnaturally calm manner. “alright, i know you’re just a figment of my mind.” he turns his head to the side, glaring out into the endless void in an attempt to appear at least a little more threatening to whatever’s out there. “i’ve dealt with dreams like this countless times before,” he scoffs sarcastically. “so why don’t you come out and fight me, or something?”

“is that your first response?” a voice that sounds suspiciously like his own echoes back, bouncing around the abyss like an empty ballroom. “to fight?”

“of course it’s to fuckin’ fight off creeps like you,” link shoots back, instinctively turning towards the direction of the voice. “in case you weren’t keeping up, that’s my job, dumbass.”

“don’t act like you don’t enjoy partaking in killing innocents just to feel excitement in your life.”

for a second, he freezes up before the defensive measures kick in. “hey, stupid!” he shouts to the vacant skies with spread arms. “what part of ‘innocents’ include monsters who want to hurt civilians?”

“oh, you’ve already forgotten.” the tone of the voice drops an octave, wrapping around his ears suffocatingly. "do you not think about all those soldiers who were once normal people that you cut down like lowly blades of grass without a second thought?” 

upon hearing the accusation, link’s mind flashes back to the first time he struck down a corrupted soldier, only to find out that she was the one who always helped sneak him and zelda around the castle, away from the eyes of the king. sweat droplets begin to form on his palms, knowing that he is in fact guilty.

“not to mention all the times you went out seeking trouble with creatures who were not even outwardly aggressive,” the voice now practically whispers into his ear, but when he turns around, there is nobody present. “you laughed as their lives wasted away for nothing.”

he’s realized that it isn’t wrong in the slightest.

whenever things slowed down in hyrule, he found himself venturing out further from the area to find anything to fight against. back then, he excused it as just being proactive. but now…

“...this is my job,” he responds quietly, voice in a shameful hush and slick hands clenched into a fist. despite all this, a fire in him still licks at the insides of his heart to continue defending himself. “i have to eliminate all possible dangers to my people.”

“you are a broken man, grasping at straws for meaning and purpose.”

“guess what?” he retaliates, holding up his clenched fist to combat the metaphysical cage closing in. “you are in awful need of shutting the fuck up!"

the voice ignores his threat and continues. "and there you are, again. on the verge of insanity, repeating the same actions every day to stay relevant. it’s always about the violence for you, isn’t it?" he swears he feels something cold brush against his shoulder. “when will you start another needless fight for your own entertainment? when will you insult somebody next just to see their hurt reaction? when will you purposely attract trouble to be at the center of attention?”

his throat dries up, as if somebody poured a bucket of sawdust straight down the esophagus. he swears he feels fingers curl up on his shoulder, but his frozen body refuses to budge from its spot.

“you take pleasure in others’ pain. you hurt people for your own selfishness, disguising it as altruism under a hero’s guise. when will you realize that being an insensitive asshole who does nothing but pick fights isn’t a real personality?”

“shut up!” he demands, finally finding the strength to slap away the phantom touch, even though the chilling sensation seeps into his bones. “i have a goddamn personality. have you ever considered getting a new one?”

“give up.” the voice orders back, booming out into the vast space. "your egotistical intentions bleed into your everyday behavior. lay down your sword and recognize that whatever you do will only bring suffering.”

shooting a rude finger in the voice’s general direction, he turns back to the game over screen. “fuck off,” he retorts menacingly, but it comes out more like a mumble than a comprehensive phrase. “i’m not going to go die because of some stupid hallucination like you.”

when he reaches over to the menu to press on the “continue” button, he finds that an empty space is in place of where the option usually sits. the only other words present on the list are DO NOT CONTINUE right in front of his face, taunting him like some sort of a sick game. he taps the empty space in a futile attempt to bring back the button, but after three attempts with no avail, he glares back at the void.

“alright, what in the name of din did you do?” he hisses, hand pressed against the screen. “let me out.”

“you will be here until you decide to quit.”

“load of bullshit. we both know damn well that this is nothing but a dream.”

“it is a dream now, but it won’t be once you return.”

“woah, how’d you come to that conclusion, genius?” he drawls sardonically, now pounding on the missing button with his fist. “someone will just wake me up anyway, so your plan really has no meaning.”

“who will you hurt next?” it jumps straight back into interrogation like some sort of a detective. "will it be someone near you? someone you know?”

“shit yourself and die.” his attempts to access what no longer exists rises into a desperate mash against the screen for the button to pop up any second now. “i hope it’ll be you next.”

“you will harm yourself. you will harm someone you care about.”

the vacant space on the options menu begins to glow.

“who knows?”

warbly text starts to take form beneath his hand.

“maybe you’ll even kill someone you love with your thoughtless actions.”

the “continue” button materializes fully the moment the last line is spoken, and his hand pounds into the bolded word, a wisp of black smoke encapsulating his form. before disappearing, a face flashes into view for a fleeting moment before disappearing. green eyes, long hair–

link wakes to his conscious world, abruptly sitting upright with an outstretched hand. for some reason, his heart races at a hundred beats per minute, further enabled by his choppy breathing and cold sweat. his head throbs at the sides, pressing into his temples like a prison.

“fuck—” link groans, slowly retracting his arm into a facepalm. “it’s that stupid nightmare again…”

spreading his finger out slightly, link views his own disheveled face on the wall mirror through the gap in his hand. “i don’t think i should try sleeping anymore…” 

sighing, he lets his hand fall onto the sheets beside him, glancing out his window towards the great seas. the glimmering blues tempt him, seemingly humming a song to draw him out towards the water. come over. all your troubles will be lost here.

“i guess… it wouldn’t hurt to go out. for just… i dunno. to clear my mind. maybe learn some new battle techniques”

maybe if i stay away for a bit, i can keep zelda safe from myself… ah, who knows.

link slips out of bed and begins packing his bags.