🩸 A prayer to Fortune (2)

Lost somewhere in the midst of the Sunless Jungle, under a canopee dense enough the sun never filtered through, Astrid patched up her wounds. It was late, probably somewhere past 2 or 3 in the morning. The trees made it hard to tell but late enough the entire camp was asleep. Except Jean. He stared in silence and waited for any instruction ; hands full of gauze and eyes filled with resignation. Jean had accepted his fate years ago. Astrid did not.

They both had fought hard that day for a match against a nearby clan's champions ; a three versus three. Jean, Astrid, and the son. They had won, but in the midst of the fight Jean pushed the son away from a vicious hit, making him fall and hurt himself in the process. It was an accident. The son came to blame it on him a few hours ago, as he always did. And Astrid riled him up to bring the fire on her, as she always did too. Jean studied her, stare full of guilt and left side of his jaw already swollen by a hit. Astrid didn't regret it - the son always held back on her to avoid his father's wrath and sparing Jean was worth it. 

"May I ?" Jean asked, his muffled voice tinted with a gentleness he didn't wear often.

Astrid shrugged, yet he waited for a clear nod before he continued. When she nodded with a tired sigh, he got to work. Astrid knew by heart what he would do. With a serious frown on his face and kind gestures, he would inspect each bruise, cut or wound ; checking its gravity and hunting any sign of infection. Never touching once, waiting for Astrid's voice to come back. Then he would pour some clean water on it and patch it up if need be. Tonight, her knuckles were on fire and she bore a few cuts on her sides, but nothing too serious. One would barely notice it among her myriad of scars anyway. 

"You have to stop doing this," he chided, avoiding her stare. "Stop taking it for me. It's fine. I'm used to it. And I told you - I can heal myself, I can't you."

Astrid simply tsked and waved his stupid comment away. Her throat worked minutely, she clenched and unclenched her jaw and took a deep breath in. 

"He can't do shit to me," Her voice croaked. He always perked up the slightest bit each time her voice came back.

"Your face says otherwise."

"Can't see, don't care. You actually have to be able to wake up to heal," she bit back.

"He won't hold back forever on you. I know him. Please, stop doing this. I can handle it. He is not your problem."

"You don't get it, do you ?" Astrid whispered as she viewed the sky. An endless pitch black hole, void of any light or stars. "I know what it's like. I'm not letting you deal with it alone. We'll get out of here, I promise. I'm not leaving you behind."

"We can't - they would kill us."

"We have to grow more powerful than them. I'm getting better you know ? I exhausted my opponent today, didn't you see ?"

"Making them crave a nap won't be enough. " He studied her face, mulled it over for a few seconds before he picked his next words with care.  "Train on me."

Astrid's stare snapped back to Jean. Jean was a survivor. In every way possible. Astrid's survival instinct was to bite and fight back ; Jean's was to dodge entirely and if he could, to avoid everything altogether and flee. He was not one to offer to be a training puppet for one's dangerous magic abilities. No way was she doing it.

"No."

"Do it."

"You have no idea what I could do." Sour memories jumped at Astrid's throat - she could taste the blood in her mouth as the boy's body crashed against the wall ; a vicious screech ringing in her ear as her moon turned red. "I don't control it. I don't want to hurt you. No."

"You have no idea how worse he can be. You must defend yourself. You're not like him, I know you won't hurt me." Jean took a pause as he observed his crooked fingers, vulnerability pouring from his delicate traits. A rare view, if Astrid was honest. One she appreciated. "I trust you."

"What if it goes wrong ?"

"I know it won't. I can train on you, too."

"You can heal. Not kill."

"I can kill. I don't need magic for that. Yet you still sleep in the same room as me. Astrid, promise me. Try it on me."

Astrid's stomach growled in protests. Her guts agreed with him - she knew that the son would not stay calm for long. Lashing out was bound to happen ; it always was with these kind of worthless, pathetic men. And waiting for it wouldn't protect them.

"Fine," she admitted. "I promise I won't hurt you."

"I know. I trust you."

Jean's trust was such a fragile, rare thing that Astrid's heartbeat flared up with anxiety. She could not fuck that up - not someone who had been betrayed so many times already, even by his own family. She wiped her sweaty hands against her pants, sighed, and raised one towards Jean.

"I can try to sense your blood."

He simply nodded in approval and let her be. He watched as Astrid closed her eyes, took in a deep breath and focused on him. Dark circles danced above her cheeks and meddled with a black eye on her left. Her frown had become permanent, betraying a seriousness and worry that she wore everyday. In barely a few months she had already lost some weight and every day that passed she grew more exhausted. The Crawreak did that to people. Astrid thought of that witch she had met in Faline and who helped her once, Alektô. In another life, she followed her, discovered and controlled her own magic in the safety that provided Namarast instead. Maybe wise was not in her temper.

"Your heart is beating fast," she interrupted his train of thoughts. "Are you sure you are okay with it ? If it stresses you out we can stop whenever."

Jean didn't feel anything - and weirdly enough he wasn't stressed for once. He hadn't lied ; he trusted her.

"I'm fine."

"May I try to slow it out ?"

He nodded in approval, so Astrid did. He didn't feel much of a difference - a fleeting sensation of cooling off maybe. Astrid studied him, searching for any sign of discomfort. She hadn't practiced in a while, with permission, trust, and in the  open like this. Part of her - the one that felt hungry when her moon turned red - wanted to push for more. She ignored it. She wondered if she could stop a bloodflow. Or if she could move it as she pleased. Her hand moved in slow circles, as if trying to catch air. It felt as difficult. She focused on his right arm, far away from his heart, and visualized his blood. Maybe she could move it just a bit, she thought. She could feel its warmth. She could feel his pulse. Sometimes it was a wonder how the human body worked. She could bend a pool of blood on the ground - was it really that different ? She wondered as her fingers danced around, then suddenly she twisted her wrist and closed her fist.

Jean hissed in pain and Astrid snapped back into reality. A recent cut had just reopened, blood running down his arm and his nose.

"Fuck I - I'm sorry Jean I - "

Astrid rushed to him hoping to fix it but he batted her hand away to grab a cloth instead.

"I'm sorry Jean I - I got carried away -"

"It's fine."

He held the cloth on his arm to stop the bleeding and wiped his nose on his shoulder. He didn't look at her. Astrid had warned him, but still. She promised. Betrayal tasted like blood on his tongue, red and salty and metallic. He swallowed it down.