To taste a sunshine
A bit of Nikolai's backstory
It was a pleasant day.
The sun was high in the sky and the breeze was bringing a nice cold feeling that contrasted with the June’s heat. Even though there were some clouds in the blue sphere, their color was milky white which should be read as a good fortune towards today’s weather.
Nikolai smiled to himself, while taking his best shirt from the wardrobe. He quickly put in on, tied the tie and completed the outfit with a fine jacked. Man looked in the mirror, admiring the look as well as checking if there were any imperfections he should take care of. Finding none he nodded and walked out of the room.
His flat wasn’t considered big, no, there were only two rooms after all. Most of the society would possibly think that it was luxury but his peers from upper class were concerned with the poor conditions Dupont was living in. He, however, didn’t feel the need to get more space, all of his things fitted nicely and he was still spending a lot of time at the sea. This, of course, had to change once Madam Gramont becomes his wife.
Ah, how he couldn’t wait for this to happen!
To hold his dear Sophie, to put a tender kiss her eyelids, which hide eyes as beautiful as the noblest marbles, to hear her voice that not even the professional singers could be jealous of, to stroke her soft hair. Ah, such a pleasure awaits him! But yet, he had to be patient.
The wedding was set to be at the end of august. It was close but yet so, so long.
Today, however, he was granted a privilege of seeing her. His heart was almost singing with a joy that he was trying to suppress. It was almost inappropriate of gentlemen to behave is such a manner, yet he couldn’t help but walk with a big grin on his face.
He entered the park and slowly started walking through the alleys to pass the time. He didn't want to seem impatient, but if he could, he would get to the meeting’s place immediately, however the etiquette was unforgiving. Nikolai sighed and took out the small clock from his chest pocket.
The dial on his watch showed half past two, so he still had fifteen minutes before it would be polite to show up. After all, he didn’t wanted to sour his interactions with his future in laws. He paced around filled with irritation until he saw a stand with flowers. That seemed to lighten his mood as he walked towards it. The older woman sitting there smiled to him and started to praise her roses but Nikolai's attention turned into tulips almost immediately. The orange petals were vibrant with color and blissfully filled with life.
– Ah, I see, I see. These represents deep care, Monsieur. – Woman lowered her head with a knowing smile – Any dame lucky enough to receive them, will be very happy. Very happy, Monsieur.
– How much for this one? – Dupont asked, pointing at the flower that caught his attention.
The old lady hummed for a while, before she gave the price.
– A fifteen francs, Monsieur. – She lowered her head again but she was watching him closely. Her lips twitched when she noticed the expression at the man’s face but she didn’t said a word, letting him think about it.
– Ah, fine, fine! I will take it. – He said finally, accepting the price. He hands the women coins.
– You won’t regret that, Monsieur. – She took them gladly, immediately hiding the coins under her dress. – The dame will be delighted, such a pretty things. – She nodded. – Would you like them packed as a gift?
– Yes, please. – Nikolai confirmed, already in his thoughts.
He was hoping that Sophie indeed will like this gift. He took the package under his arm and started going into the meeting place.
You could pin point the exact moment when young lady noticed Nikolai. Her face lit up in a joyful smile that made her look even prettier. Not that she wasn’t already pretty, no. Her cheekbones were set high on her face, giving her the noble look. Her raven hair was tied into an elegant bun, held in place by a light brown headband. The latest fashion among young ladies. The tulle dress hugged her shoulders and waist, emphasizing the charms of her body. Despite her porcelain skin, a delicate blush was visible on her face, which indicated her health.
The sudden change caught attention of girl’s mother, who turned to see what had caught her daughter's attention. A pale smile showed on her mouth and he huffed gently.
– Ah, the young love. – She commented, glad for her daughter.
Dupont walked up to the women and gave them a low bow.
– Madam Gramont, miss Sophie. – He welcomed them.
It was clear as day that the young couple wouldn’t want anything more than fall into each other's arms, and that it was only the etiquette holding them back.
– I brought you something Miss Sophie. – Nikolai brought forward his gift, while a sheer bit of awkwardness could be seen in his posture.
– Ah Niko! You didn’t had to. – Young woman exclaimed but the blush on her cheeks deepened which showed that she appreciated the thought.
– But I wanted mon cher. – He said with a soft smile.
Dupont waited patiently until the woman took the gift out of his hands and only the he sat down. Sophie fidgeted with paper for a small while before actually ripping it. Her full lips opened in a silent “o”.
– How did you know those are my favorite? – There were small tears in her eyes both from shock and happiness.
Nikolai just smiled to himself.
It was a pleasant day. The sun was high and it wasn’t very cold, considering it was February. The sun's rays warmed the earth, melting the worst of the snow, and yet Nikolai did not want to leave the house. He would love to wrap himself in the covers and go back to sleep, but the world will not wait for him.
Dupont took his best outfit from the wardrobe and put in on. He quickly combed his hair and made sure that he can present in to the outside world. He avoided looking in the mirror as much as he could. He didn’t wanted to see his own red face.
He walked out and slowly started going to the west side of the city. It didn’t take long to get in the place of his destination. He was greeted by a crowd of people dressed in black, among whom he planned a grave atmosphere. They were saying words of encouragement and support but Dupont didn't hear them. He didn't wanted to hear them, still believing that if he will only wish hard enough it all will turn out to be some bad dream.
– Dear gentlemen, dear ladies – the priest started his speech – we gathered here to pay our last respects to Madame Dupont. She was a wonderful wife, daughter and sister...
Nikolai felt hot tears appearing in the corners of his eyes. Listening to the cleric felt like somebody was putting needles to his skin, and soon enough he couldn’t focus on them.
He was there, sure, but he was feeling like it was someone else, like it wasn’t his body that was standing on the cemetery. He didn’t even know when the whole ceremony ended but when he came to his senses his face was wet and he was being held. The dizziness in his head was making it hard to differentiate who it was but he was sure that it was one of his friends.
– Poor couple… so young – he heard someone in the crowd saying but he didn’t reacted. He didn’t had strength to replay to them either way.
Just when he was about to leave the sacred grounds he was stopped by someone. He looked back with a pained expression and felt a little embarrassed when his gaze het with Madam Gramont. “It should be her, who’s devastated, not me” came to his thoughts but he didn’t had a moment to even address it before the woman spoke.
– Monsieur Nikolai, if I make take you a moment… – she said with her voice small.
– Ah, of course, of course. – He said and moved to the side with her so as not to block the passage.
He looked at his mother in law, curious about what she was going to say but not wanting to rush her. The woman took a deep breath and then started looking for something in her purse. After a while, she pulled out a gold medallion and extended her hand towards her son-in-law in a gesture clearly indicating that she wanted him to take it. Her face, visible behind the black tulle, showed pain.
– I- I can’t- – He tried to oppose but the older woman was having none of it.
– She wanted to gave this to you after you will be back. But… – her voice cracked yet she regained it after a small while – You know what happened.
Of course he knew! It was the last attack where the Prussians used bombs that she got hurt. Just the mere days before the peace treaty was signed.
Sophie was unfortunate enough to be in the building that collapsed due to the sheer force of the explosion. It took hours before anyone was able to dig her out from under the debris. While she got immediately taken to hospital, the chances were low. Young lady was actually showing some symptoms of getting better before the infection took over her petite body and she succumbed to the fever that lasted a week before… before she finally passed.
With shaking hands Nikolai took the piece of jewelry. He opened it and he almost let it slip out of his hands when he noticed the engraved sentence “Pour mon chéri ami et amour”.
– ‘For my dear and love’ – He whispered and his eyes filled with tears again. He stroked the photo of Sophie with his thumb, the last reminder of her appearance. – I- Thank you. – He clutched the pendant to his chest as if it were his greatest treasure. – I have no words to make it up to you…
– Don’t worry about this. Just… Just take care of yourself. She would want this. – Before Nikolai could say anything else, the woman quickly walked away towards the stagecoaches.
Dupont stared after her for a while, unable to move before his legs took him home. How did he get there? He didn’t know.
The next thing he knew he was lying in bed, more convulsions racking his exhausted body. A blanket covered him, and waves of tears poured out from under his clenched eyelids. He cried like a child, but the crying cleansed his body and thoughts, leaving behind a salutary emptiness that lulled him to sleep with a promise that next morning will be easier.
Nikolai waked up with his heart beating so hard, as if it wanted to free itself from his chest. He automatically reached to the other side of the bed but to his utter despair it was empty. Empty and cold as if no one was there at all. He covered his face with his other hand, wanting to shield himself from the light entering his eyes and that when his fingers met something wet.
He was crying. As soon as he noticed that, the shaking took over his body and the pathetic noises were trying to escape his throat. Dupont bit down on his own arm in a try to silence himself before someone could hear him.
His heart burned with a pain that nothing could soothe. The images from his dream, his past filled his head and caused further bursts of tears.
– Sophie, mon chéri Sophie…! – The begging in his chocked voice was almost as clear as pain. But nobody came, there was no one who could answer his desperate call. Nikolai was absolutely alone.
It took Nikolai several minutes to calm down. It wasn’t pretty, his whole face was wet, and if he looked in the mirror he surely would see how red his eyes are but he didn’t wanted to think about it right now. He just focused on breathing.
After a while – when he was sure his body won’t trick him – he got up and went to the small bathroom. Dupont took water in his hands and washed his face with it. It felt good. He did it again before grabbing a small washcloth and drying his face up. The man breathed a sigh of relief.
He quickly took care of the rest of the morning routine and went to cross another day off of the calendar. The man stared at it blindly for a while, feeling how his throat fills with a lump.
– Ah… The valentines. – He nodded sadly. – So it’s another anniversary already… That explains it then.
The man took a golden locked – the last thing that’s left from his previous life – and hold it near his heart. Over the years, a brown tarnish appeared on the gold casing, which showed how often the man touched the souvenir and how much it was loved. Dupont placed a gentle kiss on the lid and thought to himself that he will need to buy some metal cleaning paste to take care of the medallion.
Nikolai allowed himself to feel vulnerable for a moment. The pain wasn’t as crushing as when it was fresh but it still felt like an open wound. Man sighed and looked at the clock on the wall. It was showing six a. m. but he knew that there were no use of trying to get back to sleep. Even if he tried he would need to get up soon as he still needed to do his duties, but perhaps today’s good day to gather at the tea.