[TABLOID] Who's Scottie Latour?!
A tabloid article about an up-and-coming stage actress.
Panel Theatre promoting its new show.
SAN FRAN, CA — Scottie, the rising casanova of the theatre scene, is stealing hearts rapidfire—and breaking them just as fast, according to our sources!
She was seen on a rendezvous with her stunning co-lead from Chicago this morning, sharing drinks over a beautiful balcony of roses that were arranged in the colors of the lesbian pride flag at her request.
An unexpected development occurred, however, when a female member of the ensemble cast broke through the surrounding paparazzi to kick over the lovers’ table and exclaim that Scottie was “a hack made of empty promises!”
When asked about the debacle, Scottie commented this: “I feel terrible about it, truly. She was an old fan of mine, someone who’s been a fan since I was just a middle schooler singing awful renditions of Maybe This Time on my audition tapes. And, well, she’s clearly got some internal bullshit going on that made her lash out.” Some critics are calling Scottie a one-hit wonder who tides by on her pretty face and controversial social media posts.
Others argue that these critics “aren’t ready to celebrate the success of a mean lesbian.”
Look out, Brad Pitt, and move outta the way, diCaprio, 'cause there's a new playboy in town.