Falling Deep in the Lavender Sea

Ask anyone, “what became of that war we fought so bravely?”, and most will sigh, thinking of smiles long since faded from their minds, and say “we won, of course”. It matters not in which country you ask; they all say the same.

None will tell you what was won.

None will tell you why it was fought.

None will tell you of the cost.

***

“And now, see as I set atop the quarterstaff and stay balanced enough to juggle three- no, four fireworks!”

The man knew better than to say anything then. The slight wobble of the pole, that split second where she almost dropped the lighted firework; her face didn’t change when she recognized him, but it didn’t need to. He watched patiently, a slightly sad smile on his face as he put a couple of the few coins he had into the basket at his feet. He had his own ways to get by, and this was hers. The children laughed their carefree laughs- the very mirth he had wanted to protect so long ago. Four fireworks were tossed, exploding safely above the crowd as the performer struck a pose, and flawlessly tumbled to the ground before bowing. The man clapped along with the audience, and as he approached he watched her go from shaking the hands of parents and accepting cheers from the children to tense. He leaned in slightly and said just loudly enough to be heard over the crowd, “You had saved me in the Lavender War”.  Her eyes went wide for a second, before she stepped back and scribbled a note, handing it to him. In a flash she was back to a cheerful performer, high off adrenaline and success and nothing more. The man found himself holding the address for local rooms let for cheap, and made his way to the unit listed.

***

“You were wrong. I didn’t save anyone in the Lavender War.” She hadn’t even fully opened the door before starting.

“Any good I did was quickly outweighed by my sins.”

“I still owe you thanks, as a sinner myself.”

“Kataryna Vasylenko.”

“Thank you, Kataryna. No amount of good is too little when the world is so devoid of it.”

“I appreciate that…”

“Dmitri.”

“And what should I call you if anyone asks?”

“I’ve been going by Brandi. Gunio Brandi. A truly silly name, but what better to disguise their ‘demon incarnate?’”

“I felt the same, although I didn’t go so far as with my name…. Chloe Mokca, although I doubt anyone will ask by now.”

At this, the man stared out the window, although with the shadowed alley between them and the next building, there wasn’t much to look at. 

“True, yet no matter what I never feel like I’ve run far enough.” 

“The ones in charge have all retired, fat and happy. I don’t think they’ll come for you.”

“Yeah, of course they did.” He scoffed. “They make a bad call, stick it on me so it doesn’t come out of their pension, and never worry about the 86 soldiers it costs, because they ‘won’”. 

“86…. Captain Grigorovich …. So that was you?”

“Yeah. What, planning to turn me in for a cash reward?”

“Ha. Whatever they offer for you might even rival mine. You could blame me for the whole of Lavender Fields, and they do.”

“Do you?”

“... Yes.”

“I forgive you.”

“You don’t even know my story.”

“I know mine. And if you’re anything like me, which you are, you probably need a little forgiveness.”

“I never believed their story of a bloodthirsty captain. I don’t blame you for believing their plot.”

“I fear I will only be forgiven when I am in the arms of a God”, He confides.

“People like us only ever meet one God.”

“Then I pray that there are no Gods.”

He looked down at his hands. Hands that had prayed, hands that had loved, hands that had killed. He would forgo forgiveness if it meant that the divine punishment he feared would never come to pass. He would embrace an endless void if there was truly only eternal torment left for him. He would rather there truly be no Justice in the world if Justice thought he deserved it.

Kataryna watched the sun sink between buildings. Time seemed far too fast and far too slow all at once when the past catches up. 

“Do you need a place to stay? The landlady here asks no questions, as long as you pay, and it's quite cheap as well.”

“No, no, I prefer to stay moving, and as for tonight, well, I simply go to a tavern and for the price of one drink to the right person, I can get room and company for a night.” He stood up, and made for the door.

“I see. Well, should you ever need me, you know my name and what to say. Any sort of Sending would suffice.”

“Of course. And likewise, for myself.” 

Kataryna wanted to stop him, to offer they travel together, to stay in contact, anything to grasp hold of as matching relics of a set long broken, but didn’t. She thought he might one day call, but he never did. She had no way of knowing he would one day achieve his dream of forgiveness, of being held in the arms of a God and feeling love again. Kataryna couldn’t imagine a bright future for either of them. All there was left was this man leaving her room, right now, and she was left with nothing.

And just as it had come in, the past walked right back out the door.