Sickness and In Health

Never in a million years would Finn see himself doing something as domestic as getting groceries and dog food...And not hating it.

The blonde shivers against the late November chill, muttering under his breath as he struggles with the door. Finn had taken it upon himself to do stuff like this-It wasn't even Brutus who brought up the idea. Nope. This is all Finn, he only had himself to blame. Brutus worked nights, it only made sense for Finn to do all this extra stuff... It was the least he could do for crashing on Brutus' couch all these months.. and in his bed occasionally.

But only occasionally.

And maybe a few times over the occasional limit-but only a few times!

They were friends.

Real friends. Not the kind Finn would leech off and throw away, no, Brutus wasn't anything like that.

Besides, Finn wouldn't brave the morning rush or stupid cold for just anyone.

Brutus was special. Special enough for Finn to not be angry when he finally gets the door open. Princess greets him first, The blonde shakes snow from his too-thin jacket and knees down to give Princess all the attention she deserves. "Hey, pretty girl," He hums, voice quiet. "He still not feeling good, huh?" Finn speaks to the dog like she was his own, tenderly and full of warmth that didn't reach his fingertips. "Well, let's see what I can do about that."

Finn stands once more, grabbing the bags he'd collected on his shopping trip and settling them in the kitchen. After feeding Princess, Finn, uncharacteristically quiet, wanders into the living room...

Yep... Brutus is still on the couch. Just where Finn had left him an hour ago.

The sight sends a chill through the blonde that not even the cold could.

It hit Brutus hard, one day he was fine the next he could hardly breathe without coughing or an annoying pain in his chest. At first, he could get around fine, it was easy to ignore until it wasn’t.

He barely made it home on the worst night, with a fever that was a little too high and his ability to properly breathe slipping away.

That’s why he was on the couch now, his bed had gotten too hot and he could only seem to get comfortable in there. It totally didn’t have anything to do with the fact Finn was also in here. Never!

Though, his frazzled fever-stricken mind didn’t even notice that Finn had left the home. Or that he had even come back. He knew he wasn’t asleep but opening his eyes wasn’t exactly a pleasant feeling.

But he could hear movement, and it wasn’t long before Princess was nudging his hand that was hanging off the couch. “Hm..” he mumbled, the sound horribly hoarse and wheezy before another round of coughing followed.

Brutus wasn’t one to get sick, he never outwardly did anything to promote his health. But he never did anything to put it on the decline. He prided himself on the fact not much could put him down, at least until now.

“Finn?” He called out, grey eyes opening ever so slightly to glance around. Brutus knew he must’ve been a sight to see, face flushed from the heat his body was emitting, and probably looked more exhausted than he felt.

Finn felt his whole body tense at the sound of that awful cough. He shoves his growing sense of dread deep down, forcing himself forward... Even if his first reaction was to shy away. This is all too familiar.

The blonde enters, kneeling down by the couch and placing a chilled hand over the other's forehead. "..Hey big guy." Finn hummed a low greeting, lacking all the usual volume and wild. Coloring his tone now is concern. "Gotcha some soup and other stuff," Words coming slow and careful. "Can you sit up?" Finn asks, moving his chilled palm to the other's cheek. His touch lingers there for just a second longer than it probably had to.

Anything to be sure Brutus was there and breathing.

That he'd stay that way.

Brutus moved his head slightly when he felt a cold hand against his forehead then his cheek, practically moving towards it. It brought some relief against the fever. “That feel nice.” A soft mumbled escaped his lips before he could process what else was being said to him.

But he did what he was asked to do, moving to slowly push himself up from a laying position. Groggy eyes looking at his blonde companion.

“You can cook?” He suddenly asked with a confused expression. “Why have I been cooking?” He questioned but quickly gave it up as he continued to lean against the couch for some support.

Brutus would be fine, he thought so at least. It was probably just a bad cold. He could tough it out, that’s what he always did. What he was known for. What Finn knew him for.

“I’m fine I promise.. Just tired.” Another round of mumbling, because if he talked too loud he’d only cough. Or maybe if he spoke too loud the worst might come to pass.

A smile teased the corner of Finn's worried expression, brows knitted together moved to amused upturn. "Because you weren't sick before, duh." He says with a little roll of his eyes. The blonde reluctantly moves his hand away, replacing his touch with a glass of water offered towards his sick... Friend.

That word was slowly muddying into something else.

Something Finn didn't dare speak aloud or even entertain in his own head except on especially cold nights on the couch. "Here, drink this, and then I have some ibuprofen for you too." Finn broke the silence. The silence Finn wasn't busy trying to think of topics to fill it with. Nope. Finn was too focused on listening to every change in Brutus' tone or the way his chest moved with every breath.

Finn only realized he was holding his own breath when a shaky sigh escaped his lips, leaving his chest feeling hallowed out and empty. All that remains there is anxiety and a gnawing sense of dread that wouldn't leave him alone.

The blonde didn't put much faith in promises... Leastwise ones that were spoken in mumbling.

Brutus moved to accept what had been offered to him, taking a sip before nodding his head. “Gotta keep me alive so you won’t have to cook.” He lightly teased but ended up shaking his head at the thought. If Brutus wasn’t around dead or alive he figured Finn would make it somehow, the blonde always managed to do so.

But he had noticed something in his sad excuse for alertness. “You’re quiet today.” He pointed out as he managed to scoot over slightly to set his glass of water down on the decorative table next to the couch. Brutus was used to the blonde's quips and jokes, so this was new. And he was worried something had happened while he was sleeping here peacefully.

“Someone hassle you on the way home?” Brutus asked, not noticing his change of wording. Usually, it was ”My place, the house”, it had never been home. At least not a home extended to Finn up until now.

Still, he didn’t seem to notice. His brain was too occupied with what was happening right then and now. And now he was worried about Finn despite his own ailments.

"Sure," The blonde's voice dripping with dry sarcasm. "Thats totally why I'm keeping you alive." releasing a huff of air through his nose. The truth is far more sentimental. Far out of Finn's depth. Way out of his comfort zone too.

Was he being quiet? Finn hadn't noticed. Finn's mind had a way of turning off when faced with a problem so glaringly obvious it outshone everything else. The blonde shrugs, not even trying to justify the silence that continues to hang in the air. Instead, Finn soaks in it, blue eyes flickering over the other's flushed face as worry pools in his stomach.

The question makes Finn speak, still low and almost matching Brutus in his mumbling tone. "Nah, I made it back okay." Quick, lacking all the snark Finn usually carried in spares. "I'll get started on that soup.." Finn stands once more, not at all liking how he towered over Brutus in this state.

That felt... Uncanny.

"Need anything else?" The blonde asks, pausing for a second as he collects the emptied glass. His hands are still cold. They always were.

“Mmm I knew it.” Brutus said with a small half smile. But it fell soon after as he listened to the blonde now. At least he made it back okay, he could figure out what really happened later. For now, soup actually didn’t sound too bad.

“Thank you.. for all of this.” The brute finally said. The man wasn’t prideful but usually he wasn’t handing out thanks to Finn mostly to tease him, but this was genuine gratitude.

Though, when asked if there was anything else to be done, Brutus couldn’t think of much besides getting over whatever he had caught. “Doctor Finn, I never thought I’d see the day.” He joked slightly, a little more talkative when his mind wasn’t telling him not to be. “I don’t need anything, just don’t forget to make something for yourself too.”

Brutus moved to wrap himself up in the blanket he had, still leaning against the couch cushions and bringing his legs to his chest. It wasn’t long before Princess was lying there on the floor next to him. He was sure the sight was pitiful but he didn’t care too much about it.

Finn was Finn, and Finn understood.

Finn paused, leaning back down to wrap the blanket more securely around Brutus. "I'll be in the kitchen if you do need anything, okay?" He ignores the joke, for once not finding much humor in the situation. If it were him on the couch that'd be one thing, but this is Brutus. Brutus who Finn had never seen this way before. Finn hoped this wouldn't become a habit..

That he wouldn't wake up in a cold sweat and tiptoe around just to make sure Brutus was still breathing through the night.

"I'll be fine, worry about yourself right now." He hummed, blue eyes betraying the lingering fear Finn couldn't seam to shake. This is just a cold. He'd get over it soon. Right?  The blonde stands once more, giving Princess a loving pat before quietly moving to the kitchen.

He was quiet.

For something Finn is so rarely, he was good at it. Near silent footsteps, careful not to rattle pots or pans. Cold hands trembled, but Finn couldn't understand why. He couldn't make sense of the icy dread in his stomach.

Finn gained a nod of Brutus’s head before he laid still concealed again. His parents always told him sleep was the best medicine, though it didn’t seem to be helping much. Or maybe he just didn’t feel the need to sleep.

Despite his tired eyes telling him not to, grey met light. Focused on the space Finn left behind, the quietness bothered him more than anything. He was used to Finn being loud and making jokes, used to him filling the silence Brutus seemed to surround himself in.

He silently fought himself, telling himself it wasn’t that serious. Finn was just worried. But Brutus still found himself wiggling out of his bundle of blanket and forcing himself to sit forward.

Feet soon planted on the ground before he pushed himself to stand. Sure he felt like he could fall at any second, and of course he was probably seeing double!

But how could he not see what his strictly platonic not so roommate was doing? How could he not care? When he cared so much.

So he walked, still wrapped head to toe in a blanket but still shuffled his way into the kitchen. Red faced and sick as a dog. But still just as loyal as one.

“I want to taste the soup..” He mumbled, because that was a perfect excuse.

Finn has always prided himself on being acutely aware of everything. Of taking note of things around him. But he still jumped when Brutus spoke. The blonde turns sharply, a pot in hand and a look of confusion overtaking his concern.. And then. Mild irritation. "What the fuck are you doing up?" He crossed his arms, huffing at the other's excuse. "I just started, and I'm rusty so yea, gonna be a bit of a wait for that." Ah, there it is.

That signature sarcastic bite. It came to him as naturally as breathing.

But even that is quick to melt away. "Here," the blonde sighs, setting aside his annoyance and the pot back on the counter. "You need to lay down." Finn leaves no room for argument as he takes the other's hand. He had never considered himself gentle. Most things about Finn are rough around the edges and full of teeth.

But not this.

"...You're kind of scaring me." A quiet admission. Too quiet. Too raw to be spoken in anything but a whisper. Finn's touch is cold but tender. The softness of it almost makes up for the chill. "The more you rest, the sooner you'll get better." Finn doesn't tack on the hopefully that echos in his thoughts.

Brutus puffed out his cheeks, furrowing his brow slightly because there was no good reason for him to be up. “I let you taste what I cook.” He mumbled, another excuse. But he didn’t seem to care that Finn’s feathers were now ruffled, in fact that’s what he wanted to see. A Finn that wasn’t quiet.

“I don’t want to lay down.” Brutus almost yanked his hand away from Finn’s to prove his point, but he didn’t. No. He wanted to keep it there for longer than it should. It was the only comfort he felt in the state he was in.

Brutus knew Finn was right, he should be resting. But he wasn’t that sick, it was just a simple cold. “Why am I scaring you?” He finally questioned. “Why are you acting so.. Different?” If He Actually wasn’t so sick his frown wouldn’t look more like a pout than anything.

If the conversation wasn’t so serious this might’ve looked comical. Trading places and huffing and puffing at each other. Though, eventually Brutus did have to move to sit, his huffing and puffing might’ve been more strenuous than Finn’s in the moment.

Finn's brow furrows. He was stubborn. Stubborn and set on a simple task. Getting Brutus better. "I'm not acting different." He retorts, weakly and without the usual bite. Instead, he deflects. "You look like shit, you're gonna feel even worse if you keep fighting me you know." Voice even and sure but not smug. Not in this moment.

The blonde wasn't taking any pleasure in seeing the other like this. Usually, Finn could find at least something about Brutus getting into trouble a little humorous-even if only for the fact that so rarely happened. But not this.

"But, because you're sick and stupid, you can it here while I cook." Finn decides, now seeing that Brutus wouldn't be an agreeable patient. Simon was though... Although by the end of it, Simon didn't have the strength or spirit to put up much resistance. Finn winced, his hand retreating just as the heat radiating off Brutus became a little too much.

Moving quick, still keeping his volume to a soft peak, Finn pulls out a chair from the table. "Sit." He orders, not entirely unlike he does Princess.

“It’s Just a cold.” Brutus huffed once more, he had been sick before! Maybe when he was a kid but he had been sick, and he had been fine. But, if it was Finn he’d probably be doing the same thing. So Brutus accepted his small victory and did as he was told and sat down at the table.

A small grin laces across his features. Brutus moved to rest his head on the cold table top, humming at the relief it brought by simply being cold against his skin. He bet laying outside would feel great right about now if he didn’t have any sense left.

“Wait.. Did you call me stupid??” Brutus came to a sudden realization but he didn’t have much fight in him so he simply shrugged it off. “I’ll let you have it.. just this once.” He mumbled, only lifting his head to cough some more before he laid it right back down.

If he could, Brutus would’ve simply went to the doctor and he would be fine. But that was a luxury he couldn’t afford, not even an urgent care at this rate. Missing work didn’t help either, there was only so much he could put off before someone came knocking on his door looking for him next.

“Hm I’ll take some medicine after the soup.. That’ll take care of it.” Brutus reassured, though he wasn’t certain. He was simply hoping this was a cold rather than something serious.

"Yea, well if the shoe fits." He mutters under his breath, returning his attention to the task set before him. Finn never imagined himself being domesticated like this. Never thought he'd do this just because he wanted to. Blue eyes flicker back to Brutus every few minutes, each time some part of Finn's chest ached.

Maybe Finn was the one coming down with something.

Brutus made Finn want a lot of things.

Not in the selfish way he did before. Greed had always been a sin of choice, gorging himself on the kindness and attention of people who didn't know better. Taking more then he ever gave back. Never returning a kind word with his own that wasn't for gain.

But with Brutus?

Finn found himself wanting to give back. Wanting to share.

Wanting more then anything to keep... Finn blinks at his own train of thought as the knife in hand hovers over a carrot. Momentarily horrified.

Brutus' cough shakes Finn from his rare moment of self reflection.

"..Sure." Voice softer then he would have liked. So very unlike Finn. Too soft. Too gentle. Too much shown through quiet vulnerability. "Give me like, five minutes, okay?"

Brutus hummed in response to Finn, his mind had become muddied in his illness. Thinking of the nights he slept in his room only to hear a knock at his door, he never hesitated to open it. Finn didn’t hesitate to do this for him. It made him wonder what it truly meant to care for someone.

“You’ve got five minutes.” Brutus poked before falling silent again.

He was strong, mainly physically, and he prided himself on that. Prided himself on the fact despite it all he took care of himself. No one else had to do anything for him, not many people wanted to.

But here Finn was against all odds, doing something that Brutus didn’t think he deserved whatsoever.

It was such a strange thing to think about, how soft these last few days had been as Finn attempted to take care of him.

Brutus took in a shaky breath, fighting off another wave of coughs before his chest seemed to calm. He winced slightly at the feeling, it felt too raw, too painful. But He kept that to himself, he’d jump that hurdle when he came to it. Brutus was already enough on Finn’s plate.

The quiet had always felt so oppressive. To heavy for Finn to bear.  Now he wished the house was perfectly still and silent... Finn could live with eerie peace if it meant Brutus wasn't coughing. Finn could live with a lot of things if it meant Brutus was better and not warm with fever.

The blonde finishes tossing his collected veggies into the spot, haphazardly placing the lit. It'd be awhile until the soup would be ready. Long enough that Finn felt the familiar prickle of anxiety. "Lets getcha back to the couch." Finn offers, placing a hand on the other's back. His touch light, almost ghosting. The last thing Finn wanted to do was break something-or poison Brutus more then he probably already had.

Thats how Finn's touch worked.

Too cold to be comforting. Too rough to be wanted.

"It'll be more comfortable, promise." Although, Finn was sure anywhere could be more comfy then the kitchen table.

Brutus didn’t argue this time, at the feeling of Finn’s touch and as Finn’s words fell onto his ears he listened. Moving to stand one more time, swaying just a little before getting his balance.

He knew the blonde was right this time, and he didn’t argue anymore.

Simply allowing himself to be guided to the living and back onto the couch like he had been before. His small victory soon turning into a much larger defeat, all he could do was this. Lay around and hope it passes.

“Will you sit with me?” Brutus asked once he had finally sat down on the couch. He had his own anxieties, there wasn’t much time for him to really recover from this. A few days max before he would have to go to work.

What if he wasn’t better by then? What if he fell ill and got caught? Sure he could jump the hurdle then but the quiet was only making it worse. And the swimming feeling in his head didn’t make it any better.

“You can get up when you need to.. I just want you to stay with me for a bit.” Brutus reasoned in a soft tone now.

Finn watches as Brutus sways, moving quick to his side. His hand hovering near him as worry almost spills over into pleas of "be careful!" but he chokes that back. The blonde releases a heavy sigh once Brutus is back on the couch, heart thumping a little less intensely in his chest.

There wasn't a lot that could catch Finn off guard. But when it happened, Brutus is almost always to blame. Warmth muddied with concern as Finn takes in the request. Part of him wanted to say no, wanted to stay clear just in case his closeness caused more damage then good.

The other, the selfish part, knew he couldn't ever deny that simple request.

"I'll stay as long as you want me to."

How true those words are.

Finn is used to sticking around until people got tired of him. Sometimes hours, days, even weeks if Finn played the part right. He prayed Brutus would want him longer.

The blonde settles on the couch, patting the spot near him. "Wanna lay your head down?" Finn offers, a little nervous for reason he couldn't understand. Simon liked it when Finn played with his hair. Would Brutus like that too? Would Brutus even let Finn get that close? Maybe??

They'd been more tangled then this. Strictly because the heating in the house sucked of course.

Brutus looked at Finn before looking at the spot he was patting on the couch. The taller of the two seemed to hesitate.

Closeness had been fine when he was in his prime, when he could protect himself from whatever might occur.

Finn was a wild card, something Brutus was familiar with but could truly never trust. Still somehow he weaseled his way through the cracks and broke pasta Brutus’s careful defenses.

He didn’t say much as he shifted, moving to lay down where he had been told to. He was turning his back to Finn, showing the blonde his most vulnerable thing. Himself.

“I want you to stay.” Brutus went on to mumble, but he never turned back around to face Finn. Instead he let his eyes fall close once more, not tired enough to fall asleep. But he simply wanted to take in the moment and enjoy it. It probably wasn’t their closest moment, he’s spent nights wrapping Finn up in blankets and helping said blankets keep him warm. But something was different about this.

Brutus just didn’t realize how much his sickness had caused Finn to worry.

The blonde wasn't surprised when Brutus seamed to freeze.

Finn knew what he was. He was poison. A single touch ruined good. But Finn wanted to touch, to reach out and run his fingertips through what he shouldn't. Selfish.

Finn had been expecting a look of disgust to cross Brutus' expression, for him to turn away. Nothing could have prepared him for Brutus to accept.

The blonde felt that warm feeling somewhere in his chest ignite again, too quick for him to snuff it out. Careful and too gentle, Finn reaches out to brush a strand of dark hair from the other's cheek.

He never stayed long enough for this to happen.

Never wanted to.

He didn't have some clever quip prepared or something to say, instead, he soaks in silence. The quiet only disrupted by the occasional passing car or street noise. The only thing keeping Finn from imagining the entire universe had gone still for the sake of this exact moment.

"...Don't get sick like this again," He orders in a mumble, knowing full well this is far beyond Brutus and his control. Blue eyes fixate on the ceiling.

#1 finn fan — 11/27/2023 6:43 PM

“Why not? I like it when you take care of me.” Brutus let out a small chuckle, something Soft. Barely enough to cause a sound but still there nonetheless.

The taller of the two shifted slightly, turning so that he could look up at Finn.

He lifted his arm slightly, reaching up to gently brush messy blonde hair out of Finn’s face. Getting a better look at him, his expression hard to read now.

“I’m sorry.” The dark haired man softly spoke now. “For scaring you..” His voice hushed, just a few decibels above a quiet whisper.

In all honesty, he didn’t know why Finn was scared or why he was so quiet, but he could accept that he should’ve listened earlier. Finn was right, he only felt worse after moving so much.

“You know I always bounce back.”

Brutus knew Finn didn’t know that, he had never seen Brutus bounce back. The man hasn’t had a reason to since knowing the blonde. So all he had were his words and trust that Finn might believe him.

"I.." For someone who always had something to say, Finn found himself losing control of his tongue. "I could take care of you, even when you're not sick." Silvery words turning to led the second they escape his throat. It anchors him there. Keeping him still, trapped, but he didn’t feel the urge to run. Finn was grateful he was staring at the ceiling and not his friend's expression then.

Of course Brutus was sorry for scaring him. That was so horribly on brand. It almost pissed Finn off, just how easily Brutus seamed to be aware of his own downfalls and where he could improve. Did he see those in Finn to? All the chipping paint and rot, all the places Finn was beaten down and ruined?

Probably.

The blonde shrugs, again growing vaguely defensive. Even if Brutus could get all those weak walls to drop at a single word. A single glance. "You better bounce back." He mumbled, glancing back down to catch the other's gaze. Finn wasn’t sure when he became soft, domesticated or tender. Wasn’t sure what to do about it either.

All he knew was that gnashing teeth didn’t serve him here. Finn wanted nothing more than to become something soft, to smooth his scales with sandpaper, file down fangs used to bite.

How long can a beast play pet?

Finn didn’t know that either.

Brutus kept his hazy grey eyes on Finn, a soft look on his face when he heard those words leave the blondes mouth. No one had ever really offered to take care of him. He had taken care of his sisters, his family, Draggon, and he thought that’s just what he had to do.

“Would you really do that for me? It’s not.. A burden?” The taller of the two asked before letting out a soft laugh.

“I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t.” Brutus moved a little, using Finn’s legs as a pillow now as he lay there. Sure he felt hot to the touch, but nothing could beat this feeling. Even if he felt hotter simply from being so close to someone else’s body heat.

He knew they weren’t the same, they had different stories and they had different motives for their survival. But Brutus wouldn’t mind if his own motive was to simply lay where he was for the rest of his life. However long that may be.

“You can trust me Finn, I’m not going anywhere.”

"Well.. Yea." Finn shrugs, downplaying the sincerity that came to him so rarely. "I'd do more for you if you'd let me, you know." He lets his gaze travel around the room instead of fixing on Brutus. He shifts a little, feeling a heat rising in his cheeks but he blamed it on the cold. The cold that remained outside the house Finn was beginning to imagine as "Home" on freezing nights spend with Brutus.

If there was anyone Finn trusted, it was Brutus.

He wasn't even sure when it happened, but it did. Slowly defenses crumbled, so slowly Finn wasn't aware of walls being chipped away until he found himself exposed.

Cold hands meet feverish skin. Sea blue eyes finally meet misty gray.

Finn was used to being the one who left. The one who walked away when things got too real, too scary or too hard. He didn't stick things out, not when he could help it. Finn never imagined the possibility of wanting, of needing someone to stay would weigh so heavy on his chest. Even with trust, Finn found himself bubbled with anxiety. "..You don't know that." A quiet rebuttal. Too quiet.

Brutus actually didn’t know that, how would Finn know either? A plan of escape slowly leaving his mind as the days passed and being in the city wasn’t so bad. He could stop the murder, he’d live honestly. As long as he could lay here forever with Finn right there with him.

“I don’t, but I won’t leave you like this.” Brutus mumbled as his grey eyes shifted to look away from Finn. He didn’t understand why the thought of not being here bothered him. Or why the thought of Finn being upset about it seemed to scratch at his heart.

Brutus took in a heavy breath before shakily letting it out, fighting back the urge to cough. Eventually he was able to get it under control before tense muscles seemed to relax again. “I wouldn’t leave you like that.” Another repeated reassurance, he was convinced this was simply the cold or maybe even the flu. Nothing he couldn’t recover from! No Brutus wasn’t going to go out like that, and he always meant what he said. He wouldn’t leave Finn like that.

Empty promises.

Finn had made his fair share. More then his share. Filled the air with vows so casually thrown away. The blonde takes a heavy sigh, trying not to his gnawing fear cloud his trust. Simon had something close to that. Too close.

Too many nights spent sheltering in homeless shelters or on stranger's doorsteps. Too many nights Finn had spent nursing Simon back to health only to have bitter cold snuff out hope.  "..Yea, I'd feel better if we got you to a doctor at some point." Finn broke his silence, still keeping his voice quiet.

"If its about money, I.. I could help out." thief. The title had been seared into his flesh just like the scars along his back. He came by it honestly, mixed with his blood and etched into the fabric of his being. His hands weren't created to heal, to create, instead they take.

They take and take until Finn can't hold anything besides the loneliness that never leaves him. The only thing that ever really stays.

Brutus shook his head slightly at the suggestion of a doctor, or Finn trying to scrounge up money for one. “They’re too expensive, you couldn’t come up with that.” He mumbled. He’d rather be sick than see Finn dig a hole he couldn’t crawl out of, and if Brutus was anything he was too independent.

More willing to dig out how did it himself than have someone do it for him. “You’re looking too far ahead, I’m not that bad.” There was a lingering word Brutus didn’t want to say or think about out loud. Yet, he wasn’t that bad yet. And he wasn’t, so why should he worry about it until that came to pass?

And to Brutus, it wouldn’t come to pass, there was no way in the world that it possibly could. But with another wave of coughing that made his chest ache and his lungs burn, his resolve to keep that hope was slowly diminishing. His brows pinched together when a taste hit his tongue, but he kept that to himself. There was no use worrying Finn more than what he already had. “I’ll go to the doctor.. But I’ll pay.. Don’t worry.”

"I have some saved." A simple truth the blonde hadn't shared with anyone before. "Don't be stubborn, you're gonna cough up a lung." Finn mutters, knowing this probably wouldn't change anything. But every rough rasp sent shivers down the blonde's spin. "Its probably enough, and if its your pride," Finn sighs, taking a deep intake of cold air that burns. "You can pay me back."

There's a creeping knowing that Finn never would have done this for anyone else.

Never would have given something so freely. It wasn't in his nature. Finn was a dragon hoarding his few treasures, snarling at anyone who got too close or saw behind his smokescreen. But he offers all of it up without question. Without even wanting anything in return.

What was he becoming? Selfless? Probably not.

Cold fingers run through dark hair. Finn wished he had warm hands. That his touch wasn't so freezing. "..Please?" He tacks on, bordering on a plea.

Brutus let out a small chuckle. “Oh but you couldn’t pay rent?” He joked slightly before taking in a soft breath. “I’ll go, but I’m paying you back.” He mumbled gently, knowing Finn wasn’t an inherently selfish person. But sharing wasn’t what he did too often with something so valuable. So he knew the blonde was serious about him going.

“But can we go in the morning? Let me sleep a little so I can drive us there.” Brutus suggested as he soaked in the cold touches offered to him. Leaning into it as if it was the greatest thing since sliced bread.

And it might as well be. Thoughts his feverish mind created were slowly melting into something else. Thoughts of cold hands against his on cold nights under warm covers. And the thought of cold hands bringing him delicious soup. Now that was a good thought, enough to cause him to relax even more against the blonde. Grey eyes closing and not fighting the exhaustion that came along with whatever he had now.

Finn glances down, shifting into a more comfortable position. "That's fine." Quiet, soft and so very unlike himself. Finn could live with one more night spend awake and riddled with anxiety. Just one more though, any more and Finn might just have a heart attack if Brutus snores weird.

The blonde fight back his own yawn, free hand moving to rub the sleepiness from his own eyes. It'd been days since he slept peacefully, days since he let himself relax. Finn is used to being tired, used to the dull ache behind his eyes and the overly warm feeling that settles over the second he stands too still.

But he wasn't used to it as much anymore. Not since Brutus.

He couldn't sleep now.

So, he stays there, his lap occupied by the murderer who wasn't so bad. His hands tangled with dark hair and mind wondering. Finn didn't like the quiet, but he'd stomach it for now. His eyes locked on the clock, watching the seconds tick by unceremoniously.

Brutus had fallen asleep fairly quickly, it’s not like he could fight to stay awake either. It was a dreamless sleep, still comforted by the hands in his hair to at least keep any bad dreams at bay.

Small bouts of coughing didn’t wake him up either, he could hear Finn but could only mumble in return himself. It still felt like a dream to him.

A constant state of uncertainty on whether he was waking up or still sleeping completely. That is until he started coughing again, this time a little more forceful than before. Almost like he couldn’t get himself to stop.

Now that woke him up, causing him to move and sit up. Covering his mouth until it finally subsided enough for him to breathe. When he finally moved his hand away from his mouth there was blood, and a lingering taste of metal in his mouth. Brutus glanced at Finn, maybe he didn’t see.

“I’m okay.” He whispered, voice nearly gone now as he tried to hide it now. No use worrying , that’s what he kept thinking

Finn's brows are knitted together in concern. "..Brutus." His tone edging on something lecturing. "I don't think you're okay." He spoke in a whisper, the truth undeniable any longer. Brutus needed a doctor. The sooner the better too. Finn carefully stands, the back of his hand moving to graze the other's forehead. Hot. Too hot.

"Okay, we're going to the ER." Finn spoke quick, already setting his plan to motion. He had never been patient. Never had the knack for it. "You get ready, I'm gonna go grab my shit and we're going." The blonde spoke with all the authority he could muster, panic coloring his tone.

He loathed hospitals. Hated that they seemed so... Duanting. Finn had been in his fair share of them. More than his share. Chatted with so many nurses and doctors that it made his head swim just to remember. He hated how they smelled too. Some weird mix of disinfectant and anxiety, it never failed to give Finn a massive headache and his hands to tremble. "Alright?"

The blonde frames it like an option. It's not.

Brutus had never not been okay.. At least physically, mentally was another story. But this? Even he didn’t seem too confident to say he was going to be alright. He couldn’t feel the heat of his body anymore, so when Finn seemed concerned about it he could only believe it.

“Okay..” Brutus agreed quietly, now there was no use arguing about it. So he did as he was told because well he couldn’t fight for much longer, he could hardly get himself onto his feet to at least get some shoes on. Or a coat to prevent the cold from making things worse.

Brutus wasn’t a fan of hospitals, he never liked how small the rooms were. But still he nodded his head at Finn’s words. “Alright.”

There wasn’t much of an option, there wasn’t a guarantee of getting better. Only a hope and Brutus knew that hope could only go so far. So he let Finn move to get his stuff, and that’s when he finally managed to get himself up. Managing to get his shoes on somehow before finding a coat to simply put over his shoulders.

Brutus knew he probably looked pitiful standing there but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

Finn gives a quick nod before retreating to the tiny space where he kept his few belongings. Most of this more valuable things were kept safe in a storage unit in the city, but there wasn't time for that. His hands tremble as he carefully removes the false bottom of his duffle bag, foraging for the key to a lockbox.

This is almost everything he had left to find Simon.

Finn paused. Alone in that room besides with the weight of newfound responsibility fighting with old. Tears burned his eyes for a second, the blonde is quick to rub them away as he tossed his stuff back into the bag. Lockbox in hand.

He couldn't lose someone else.

"You ready?" Finn calls as he hops on one foot to get his stubborn sneakers on. This felt urgent, like not a second could be wasted. If not for Brutus then for Finn not to rethink his decision. "I'll drive," The blonde adds quickly.

“You can drive?” Brutus questions once more, wondering why he did all the driving. But that thought was quickly replaced by another round of coughs that sounded more like wheezing. Everything about Brutus was practically wheezing, so he decided now wasn’t the time to tease either.

So he made his way towards the door, grabbing the keys to hand to Finn. Something he usually wouldn’t have done. Brutus never trusted anyone with his truck besides himself, sure it was a piece of junk as is but it was his piece of junk.

But it was urgent and Brutus didn’t need to think too hard about it, he trusted Finn. He didn’t trust himself too much to walk that far without ending up face-first in the snow so he leaned some of his weight against Finn.

Not enough to topple them both over but simply for a little support.

The hardest part was hearing Princess whining as the two made their way outside, unsure of what was happening or when they would be back.

“You’ll come check on her right? I’ll be okay once you get me there..” Brutus mumbled as the front door was closed and the cold worsened the burning in his lungs while still cooling the fever that couldn’t seem to go away.

Finn ignores how his hands shake, or how his thoughts go a mile a minute. He pockets the keys in favor of Brutus' hand in his own. Alarmingly hot against cold. Finn was grateful for the fact Brutus leaned on him. A reminder that he was still alive, wheezing but breathing yet.

The blonde glances back to the door, biting his lip as he hears Princess cry. He almost joined her. Finn wasn’t cut out for this responsibility. He could hardly take care of himself-why did the universe seem to put more and more on top of him? Was it for trying to mold him into some shape he wasn’t built to fill? Maybe. Or maybe there isn’t a reason. Probably that one. “Yeah, I’ll check on her, don’t worry about it.” Finn mumbled his promise far from empty. Overflowing.

Once at the truck, Finn glances Brutus over with an ache in his chest he couldn’t explain. He unlocks the truck, taking a shaky breath. It’d been years since Finn found himself at the wheel of any vehicle-never a truck though. How hard could it be??

Brutus didn’t say much even when they made it to the truck, breathing was becoming more and more difficult. It felt like ice was shredding his lungs and the only way to prevent it was to hold his breath. He didn’t wait long to climb into the truck, closing the door so that he could curl up against it.

Shallow breathing followed by mist from his warm breath in the cold air of the truck. It was a lot better than the raw cold air outside, so he seemed to regulate his breathing a bit better.

“Thank you Finn..” A soft hoarse voice filled the silence, unsure if Finn could even drive the truck, especially in this weather. But what else could they do? An ambulance was too expensive and well calling a cab probably wasn’t a good idea either. More money when taking the truck was less money wasted.

Brutus physically cringed at the thought. All of this was a waste of money, of Finn’s money. He didn’t even know what it was being saved for but he felt guilty for having to be the reason the blonde used it at all.

“I’ll pay you back..” He mumbled out loud as he closed his eyes once more.

Brutus knew he must look pitiful, a murderer brought down to his knees by a cough.

Finn gulps down his fear as he turns the key, cringing as the truck stirs to life.

He could do this. He had do to this. "Don't thank me yet," He muttered, glancing to Brutus once more.

Just the sight of him was enough to leave Finn feeling just a little more hopeless. Fever racking his senses, flush, wheezing with each breath.

Finn never wanted to see it again.

Never wanted to let it get this bad.

The blonde mutters under his breath, memory kicking in and long dormant instructions barked from a smoke charred voice rattle in Finn's head. This was doable. Finn had never claimed to be a good driver-or that he even knew how. But he tried to take the curves easy and to ease into stoplights. The last thing he wanted was to make Brutus carsick on top of... Normal sick.

Thankfully, Finn knew these streets like the back of his hand. Every street name filled to memory just in case. In case of what? Finn wasn't sure but was grateful all the same.

Brutus was barely paying attention during the ride, practically covering his head with his jacket. Protecting his eyes from blinding street lights, shielding his body from turns that made his already aching muscles ache a little more.

He didn’t voice it, he knew Finn was doing his best to get them there safely. And since they hadn’t wrecked there was no use complaining when they eventually did make it there in one piece.

Brutus eventually peaked his head from his jacket, looking around for a moment. It looked like a parking lot so he eventually pulled himself out of the position he was in to sit up. Taking a moment to prepare himself to brave the cold and walk to the actual emergency room. He was sure he felt so bad from over-exerting himself, but again his pride refused to allow him to ask for much help besides someone to lean on.

Finn hops out of the truck and opens the door for Brutus. "We're here, c'mon." His voice betrayed the bubbling fear beneath his false calm. Finn hated this. Hated every second. His hands tremble a bit as they grasp Brutus', leading him into the hospital.

He'd been here before. Three years ago.

It was the first place Finn had checked that horrible December Simon vanished. And here he was again, on the edge of losing someone else. His stomach is in knots.  "Here, lean on me.." Finn knew he was hovering, knew he didn't have to be all this. But he wanted to. Needed to.

The blonde's shaky breath turns to smoke, the cold biting and horrible. Finn hardly noticed it. He couldn't care about much else besides getting Brutus inside with doctors and nurses who knew what they were doing.

Brutus contemplated just laying there but he eventually let himself slide out of the truck. Letting his feet touch the ground to keep his balance as he got out before leaning against Finn once more. Now his mind wasn’t on the sharp cold air, his focus was on putting one foot in front of the other.

He didn’t know the significance of the hospital or how Finn knew where to find it, he was glad they had made it. Hoped that this would ease Finn’s worries instead of doubling them more than what they were now.

Brutus wasn’t even sure how this would go, how long they would be here. But as they made their way inside they were met with a thick air of quietness, a receptionist clicking away on her keyboard when the two walked in. Considering how late into the night it was, there weren’t many people waiting to be seen. Rather visitors waiting for their turn to see loved ones.

The woman stood to walk around the desk, the sight of Brutus wasn’t good to see but still, she asked. “How can I help you? What’s going on?” A question that had to be asked. But all Brutus wanted to do was sit, to stop leaning on Finn and weighing him down.

"Hey, he's not doing so great," Finn begins, words short and quick to the point as he rattles off symptoms and minor details. Probably more then what was needed. But Finn talked when he was scared. And Finn was terrified.

The blonde keeps glancing to his side, walking Brutus for any slight chance. "But, uh, it's been getting worse by the hour," Finn finally finishes his rambling explanation.  He winces, chiding himself for again overtaking a room with his voice. Sometimes, all Finn wanted was to rip his tongue out and go mute. But that sounds painful and boring.

"The sooner he gets in the better," Finn says, his voice lacking all strength as he looks down at his snow-covered shoes. Hospitals were so.. Serious. So final. All these repelled Finn to his core.

The woman listened, nodding her head occasionally but there wasn’t much else she needed to know. “Follow me.” She finally said, Finn’s nervous chatty behavior saving them the time of triaging. If Brutus was getting worse it wouldn’t be a good idea leaving him out here either.

She seemed to hesitate. “Do you need a wheelchair sir?” A question for Brutus when she noticed he was hardly able to stand much without Finn.

“No.” Brutus muttered, dismissing her concerns before she started to guide them away from the lobby and towards somewhere quiet where they could wait.

It was a small room, with a stretcher, and one chair. An ordinary room for a hospital ER, cramped and something similar to dread clung in the air. But it was a place Brutus could lay down so that’s what he did, leaving Finn’s side to make his place on the stretcher.

That’s when the woman turned to Finn. “I’ll tell them what you told me. But if he starts getting worse call for help.” Her tone was soft, it wasn’t hard to see how worried Finn was. So she tried to be gentle with him.

“They’ll do the best they can.”

An ominous reassurance before she left the room to get the process started.

"Okay, thank you." Finn accepted anything that wasn't "sorry, there's nothing we can do." The blonde rubs his hands together, trying to bring the feeling back to frozen fingertips. Blue eyes scan the empty room, the cold impersonal walls doing nothing for his fraying nerve.

This was good. This was going to be good. They'd just tell Finn he was overreacting, that everything was fine! There was probably nothing to worry about anyway.

Deep down Finn knew that wasn't true.

He'd seen this before. Simon got sick like this a lot. Hacking between desperate gasps for air. Memories of nights spent cradling someone who could vanish at any time. Mornings Finn would wake up not knowing if Simon would be cold and dead beside him.

Finn paces, needing some outlet for the gnawing fear that sends shivers through his entire being. He paused, opening his mouth to fill the silence that was quickly becoming too heavy. But he decides against it.

Brutus was quiet, but breathing. He could hear Finn pacing, he could feel the anxiety throughout the entire room. But he just couldn’t muster up the energy to do much else besides lay there. Knowing he was somewhere that wouldn’t let him get worse almost eased him into sleep again.

That is until someone entered the room. Gently explaining out loud about an armband and some labs. He wasn’t paying too much attention until he felt someone grab his arm. Instinctively snatching it back he opened his eyes to see someone he didn’t know.

“We just need some blood for labs, can I see your arm? Your friend over there said it was fine.” The new woman spoke to Brutus who huffed and kept his arms close to his chest. “So stubborn, I promise I’m not going to hurt you.” She said before glancing over at Finn when Brutus wasn’t budging.

“Can you hold his arm for me? Fevers can mess with your..” She tapped her temple before pointing to Brutus who was more so pouting rather than looking angry.

Finn was surprised with how Brutus reacted, if he wasn't so worried he might have laughed. But he didn't think this was funny.

"Here, want me to hold your hand big guy?" Finn asked, gentle as he neared the stretcher again. He tried to keep his expression amused, not touched by the worry about seconds wasted. "I'll even getcha a treat after." He tacks on, a little sarcastic despite his best efforts.

This was probably just the fever. It could explain a lot of things. The way Brutus accepted his touch for one... The thought is a little bitter.

Brutus looked to Finn next. “I don’t like needles.” To put it simply, he had never needed to be around needles. He hardly went to the doctor as an adult and he wasn’t forced to. But he accepted Finn’s offer, moving to move one arm towards Finn. Wanting to actually hold his hand before he moved his other arm towards the nurse.

If it was on a day Brutus didn’t feel like death he would’ve put up more of a fight. If finn wasn’t paying for all of this he might’ve put up a fight even now.

The nurse tried to make it quick while Brutus was busy brooding and looking elsewhere and holding Finn’s hand.

“Besides this we’ll probably get an X-ray, see what’s going on and figure out what to do.” She explains before using a stethoscope to listen to Brutus. “I’d hold off on the snack just for the time being.”

What she really meant was just in case things took a turn for the worse. Because it was hard to tell if Brutus was alright now out of spite or because it was a simple something going on. But it wasn’t long before she left, then other people came in. Each doing something different.

And Brutus wasn’t declining but he wasn’t getting any better during each period of waiting. The waiting wasn’t for much longer, the next person to enter the room wore a white coat and reeked of knowing too much and nothing at all.

A doctor. Who addressed Finn instead of Brutus who was still grumpy about all of this.

“I have good and bad knew, which do you want to hear first?” The man asked before shrugging at his own question.

“I’ll just say them both.”

“Good news is you came just in time, a pretty bad case of pneumonia. We can treat it here.. Bad news is we have to treat it here.” The doctor looked between the two now before tapping his pen against the clipboard in his hand. “Treatable, which is also good news.”

Finn finally had a name for what was going on. And a price. He nods, listening. "Okay, any idea how long treatment is gonna last?" Finn asks, unaware his hold was a little tighter then. He'd be okay!

Silent math rattling off in his head. He could pay for this. Call in some favors. Do some stuff in return. None of that sounded good but it was worth it. Some of the fear slowly eased off his shoulders.

"Can I stay with him?" The question blurted out with a stream of others, most having to do with costs and possible medications, and steps to do after discharge. Finn was vaguely aware he was taking over the conversation again, but he didn't care as much now.

The doctor took a second, letting Finn get every question he had into the open before he answered them himself. “A few days just to make sure he doesn’t get worse, I don’t know how much it’ll be but that can be worked out later. We’ll treat him whether you pay or you don’t.”

Which was true, it was more of a covering his own ass kind of thing but no one else had to know that! “You can stay with him, I don’t see why not. But let’s take it a step at a time and get him in a room before we think about discharge.” The doctor reassured before one last tap of his pen on the clipboard.

“One more day at home and he wouldn’t have been as lucky as he was today.. So we’ll be quick about getting him into a room.” And with that, he was gone. To do doctor stuff.

“You’ll stay with me?” Brutus asked softly when he knew his weak voice wouldn’t be heard by someone else. The question itself wasn’t world-changing, but to Brutus, it meant the world. Being left behind became expected and he wouldn’t blame Finn for running. It was too much and too expensive.

Finn sighs, allowing relief to soak through him. A final, shuddering breath as the doctor leaves. The blonde leans against the wall for a second, running a hand through his hair as he grapples with the fact Brutus could have died but didn't and would be okay! It wasn't often Finn's luck rubbed off on others, but Finn thought himself the luckiest man alive that it had!

He's torn from his silent celebration by another voice.

Finn's expression is soft again, too softer than he would have liked. He turned back to the stretcher, bringing warm knuckles to his chilled cheek as he cooed a simple; "Yeah, I'm not going anywhere." And he meant it. Probably always would. "You're stuck with me." Finn snickers softly, his mood greatly improved from the quiet anxiety from the last few days.

With the relief Finn was flooded with, he knew he'd be likely to say something he didn't mean, so he shut up. Unable to keep from grinning though as he pulls up the single chair in the room and sits by his friend. Hand still in unlovable hand.

Brutus’s fever seemed to calm thanks to the hospital-grade Tylenol he had been given, making his brain a little less boiling to death. And more like a warm pot of soup! Something tolerable that didn’t make him feel miserable. And it was nice seeing Finn’s anxiety ease up a bit with the much better news.

“I think I don’t mind the idea.” Brutus let out a soft chuckle, coughing a little but not as terrible as before. Luckily the medication really was keeping him comfortable and less grumpy about being here.

“Thank you, for being more stubborn than me.” Brutus smiled slightly, using his thumb to brush over cold knuckles. More than happy to have that chilled hand in his own. It would be okay, at least they knew that now.

“You’re not as Bad as you think you are.” The taller of the two mumbled as he rolled onto his side, facing Finn with his eyes closed as he rested there. Still grasping his hand. Holding on to all that Finn was. Someone he could trust.. Someone he couldn’t imagine not having around.

Finn was different than a leech, as much as he would’ve thought so in the beginning. He was wrong. Finn could be loyal, selfless. But in the beginning, he didn’t have access to that Finn. Just like Finn didn’t have access to a Brutus that would’ve allowed him to see something like this.

Two sides of the same coin, never able to see the other side properly. But still leaning against each other despite that.

It was hard to imagine someone wanting Finn to stay. Wanting him to stick around and not vanish whenever his shiny newness faded into chipped paint and fear. The blonde leans over on the stretcher, resting his arms on the softness there as if needing to be there. Needing to be close. Needing to be near him.

Finn had always been the first to run. Always quick to jump when things got hard, when his loyalties had been tied elsewhere. He'd done things. Bad things. But here, he didn't want to go anywhere else. He releases a mall puff of air through his nose, cheek against his arm, and smile hidden there too. "Anytime." He mumbled in quiet return.

Finn didn't need to be loud to be heard with Brutus. He was grateful for that.

At this moment, Finn couldn't imagine being loud. Couldn't bring himself to speak in more than a whisper.

A sharp intake of breath.

Brutus didn't lie. That was something Finn could never understand, never could quite grasp. His grip on the hand within his own tightens for a second. Tears burn his eyes but he blinks them away, clearing his throat at the sudden rush in his chest. The blonde shrugs, unable to truly believe Brutus in that second, unsure if he ever could. But he wanted to.

Brutus could feel Finn’s small amount of weight on the stretcher and he didn’t mind it. It was a comforting feeling. A soft hum escaped his lips now.

“Sorry I kept you up so late, we can sleep in tomorrow.” Brutus said, thinking Finn was trying to rest with how quiet he was. And he didn’t blame him, he couldn’t think of remembering if Finn got any sleep this entire night.

There were so many things Brutus was, and one thing he wasn’t was someone who asked for a lot. With Finn he didn’t ask for much, at first it was mildly inconveniencing to have him around so much. Then he found himself feeling relieved when the blonde came back home safely. Relieved when Princess greeted the blonde at the door.

In his life, he’s only known uncertainty and loneliness, and here Finn was refusing to leave his side. And that one sentence continued to repeat in his mind.. You aren’t as bad as you think you are. And he firmly believed that statement.

There were words that lingered on his tongue, words that would stay there until they were ready to slip. But for now, he scooted a little closer, getting as comfortable as he could to soak in the presence next to his.

A sniffle, followed by a too wet "Don't worry about it," Finn croaked, lacking all bite. He clears his throat again, trying to will back the emotions that had been caged there too long. "I'm.." A too long pause, shaky breath.

Finn didn't get all feely often. He didn't like it, didn't like how his voice betrayed him in that moment or any other where Finn saw the world go bleary and his cheeks cold with tears. It was humiliating. To know he still had a heart behind all his armor.

"I'm just glad you're okay," The blonde finishes, shifting a little to hide his face in the nest of his arms. Blonde hair unkempt. Most things about him were, rough around the edges, too cold and too hot to be held for long. Likely to cut someone unaware. That's what Finn did. He ruined things. Pretty things, good things. Even without trying.

It was his birthright.

And here was Brutus; who saw it all. All the sharp teeth and wild that hid fear and trembling vulnerability. Who saw him. And that he wasn't horrible, saw him for more than that.

Brutus opened his grey eyes to look at Finn, who was currently hiding. He could remember when he felt strong emotions and expressed them freely. He could remember the world shaping him into someone who couldn’t do that anymore.

It made his heart ache seeing Finn had come to learn that too.

He moved his free hand, calloused fingers entangling themselves in messy blonde hair. His way of comforting Finn the best he could in his current state.

“I can’t.. Tell you who to be.” Brutus started, taking breaths between his words so that he wasn’t falling winded so easily. “But you can always be Finn with me.” He was offering a safe space, something he wasn’t sure Finn had ever been offered.

No rules attached.

He could see himself in the blonde, fighting for survival and just falling short of it. Alive but hardly. Human but barely. He hated it, hated whatever caused it, and hated whatever prevented Finn from getting away from it.

But these were the hands they were dealt, they were living with it the best they could.

But Finn shouldn’t have to feel like he had something to protect when he was there. Even on his deathbed, Brutus would try to keep them both alright.

“I know it’s hard, you’ll figure it out.” Another mumble of words, that were followed by a gentle hand running through the blonde hair. Finn didn’t have to look up, he didn’t have to show Brutus anything he didn’t want to. But the taller of the two was still there despite that.

Blue eyes finally meet gray, and for a second Finn thinks he might believe him.

He sits up a little, scrubbing the tears that linger in his eyes and run down his cheeks. "I don't even know why I'm crying," he laughed, weak and embarrassed. "You're gonna be okay." Finn eased back down, settling once more as tearful eyes never once leave lovely gray.

Finn never had much faith. Not in the world, or a god, in people not even in himself. But he did in Brutus. He'd get better and they'd go home and act like none of this happened. Finn would keep Brutus in bed for days, just to make sure this never ever happened again. The thought caused a weak smile to cross his expression, and the blonde's guard finally dropped.

He had nothing to fear here. Not with him.

Hours turn into days in that hospital. Finn still hated it, but he stayed. He stayed for as long as he could between visits back to the house to check on Princess.

Today is no different.

Finn yawns into his palm, running on little sleep as he rubs the tiredness from his eyes. He'd soon have to venture back into the cold to feed Princess for the day. Finn hadn't left Brutus' side for more than a few hours since all this started.

He couldn't imagine being away for longer. Even after all of this is finally behind them.

In the days that followed Brutus did as he was told, he ate or tried to. He could keep down water most days, at least when Finn was there. He didn’t mention the doctor's plan to keep him hydrated with an IV, after days of not needing one.

Today was another day, laying in bed waiting for the other shoe to drop. It would either laid right side up or end horribly, and he wasn’t sure which one it would be anymore. But he was more determined to survive, he couldn’t leave Finn or Princess like this.

So he continued to laugh. Why do you need oxygen now? They just thought it would help give my lungs a break! Why do much medicine. To help speed up the getting better part!

He didn’t want to mention the fever that was frying him inside out or the fact his lungs were probably two seconds away from deflating.

“I saved you some breakfast.” Brutus mumbled from the bed, laying on his side bundled up in blankets and clutching a pillow. He had been awake for a little while now, knowing today had to be the day he told Finn. That there was no way around it anymore.

“When are you going back home? Do you think you can grab something for me?” Brutus asked, quite talkative today compared to any other day he’s spent cooped up in this hospital room. Almost forgetting what his life had been like outside of this.

All he knew now was this and seeing Finn at his side each and every day.

Finn stands, stretching and earning a low groan as his tense muscles complain. "Probably soon," The blonde explains, grabbing a pancake from the abandoned tray and setting it back down. He takes Brutus' and in his own. At this point it's all ritual. Holding his hand, being near enough to hear each labored breath.

He isn't stupid. He can tell things aren't looking great, but the doctors haven't said anything that bad. Brutus would be okay! This is just the storm, they'd weather it and be home soon! Hopefully.

"Whatcha want me to get?" Finn asks, finishing his pancake and leaning against the bedframe, gaze still tender with unspoken truths that were as obvious as Finn is in denial. "I'll do what I can." And he'd do more. If Brutus only gave the word, Finn was sure he would've tried taming the ocean herself.

Brutus didn’t mind the closeness or the hand-holding, in fact, it was the only comfort he had here. He was comfortable but he could no longer tell if he was winning or losing the battle he was facing now. If he had to guess he was probably losing.

“Just a pen and some paper, I get bored when you leave.. Figuring I could practice my art skills.” Another lie, he just wanted to write things down. Just in case.

What he’d want Finn to have, what he’d want Finn to tell people. What Brutus would say to Finn if he did take a turn for the worst. The doctor said it probably wouldn’t get to that point but there was a feeling of impending doom hanging over his shoulders.

The doctor said not to worry about that either, it just came with being stuck in the hospital waiting around. “And a picture of a princess.. I miss her.” He finally added because he did.

And he was scared, he just wanted all the things he cared about here with him. And still, all he had was Finn.

Or Finn was the only one willing to stay who could.

“And when you get back we can walk around.. I’m tired of laying around.” Brutus felt like he was being dramatic, he didn’t feel awful so maybe it was just in his head.

"I can probably find paper and stuff around here if I ask around," Finn mused aloud, blue eyes wandering back to the open door where nurses scurried here and there in a rhythm Finn gave up trying to learn. "I can believe I've known you this long and you've never mentioned being into hard, you've been holding out on me." He teased, just a little. Trying to earn some kind of reaction that didn't seem as full as it did before.

The blonde nods, taking instructions better than anyone who knew him would have expected. "Okay, I'll getcha some paper n shit and head home," Finn spoke finally, running through his checklist. He gives the hand in his own a squeeze, silent assurance. It was hard to recognize him now, all wires and tubes. The thought caused Finn to wince, to pause and look back to his... His Brutus, once more. "..Are you sure you're going to be okay without me?"

It wasn't the first time Finn had asked. He prayed it wouldn't be the last.

Every time Finn left the hospitals he ran, ran through busy streets, ducked into shortcuts that he had long since memorized. But Finn didn't want to run, he wanted to stay.

Brutus let out a small chuckle. “I used to sing too, there’s a lot you don’t know yet.” He tried to tease in return but it was a weak attempt at his usual banter. His excuse was the medicine just made him tired, and maybe it did it he didn’t really know anymore.

“I’ll be okay just tired, I’ll be here when you get back.. I cannot go far even if I tried.” He half-joked despite it being quite literally the truth. But he wanted to humor Finn before he left since he always asked. And by the time he came back, Brutus was always where he left him.

“Just don’t forget what I asked for.” Brutus gave a small squeeze of Finn’s hand in return, grey eyes taking in every detail of Finn’s face before the blonde had a chance to leave him.

Why did his heart hurt all of a sudden? Why was he so scared of Finn leaving? He’d be back and they’d have their usual chats, maybe nap, and repeat.

“Thank you, Finn, for all of this.” He whispered gently before he hesitantly let go of the other's hand.

Yet. Cruel word. Finn had never really thought of it that way before this moment. A promise of more that never seemed to be enough. Finn raised a brow, intrigued as his expression slowly eased back into something more light. Worry lingers in the corner of his smile. It never really left. "You?" He begins, half tempted to sit down and demand the entire story now. "Singing?" He adds to his question, each word more and more dramatically drawn out. "When you're outta here, you have show me that." He teased.

Finn was used to goodbyes and endings. Why did this feel like one? It shouldn't. This isn't either of those thing! But it felt like something final. Something he can't walk back from. Something that's set.

"You better not try anything while I'm gone," The moment of levity again heavy and grounded. That's how the days had gone. Sparse moments where Finn could glimpse their normal peaking through hospital blinds and on the edge of Brutus' voice and then, just as quickly it's gone. Replaced by dry heaving and coughs that break Finn's heart just a little more each time.

The blonde gulps at the last whisper. His grasp on Brutus tightened for a second. Finn had lost a lot, lost too much and let too many things slip through his fingers. He wasn't about to let Brutus fall too.

"Don't thank me, I-" The word catches on his tongue so he bites it. Hard enough he tastes faint copper and his expression betrays his internal debate. "..I care about you." Wins out. The truth halved and folded nicely, laid as an offering at Brutus' deathbed. "..I care about you a lot." It isn't poetic. Isn't some grand gesture.

Simple.

Quiet.

Very unlike the pounding in Finn's chest.

Brutus smiled at the thought. “I’ll sing for you.” He stated, a promise of something achievable under the belief that he would make it out of this alive. But he nodded his head, he wouldn’t do anything while Finn was gone. He would hold out until he came back just like every day that Finn had to leave.

He hated seeing Finn so worried over him, hated that his body couldn’t take a hint and get better faster. Because now something else hung in the air besides dread. Another emotion that made his heart race and his pale face turn a shade of red.

“You..” Brutus started, but he didn’t need to question Finn. There wasn’t a reason to lie now, they could be honest with each other and face no repercussions.

“I care about you too.. A lot.” He said in return. Feeling himself relax as it finally lifted from his chest and laid out in the open for them both to see.

It felt like a dying man’s confession, a sailor going out to sea and leaving his love behind. Is that what this was? The thought made him sick but he calmed himself down enough to focus on Finn and nothing else.

“Will you tell me how much you care about me when you come back? Or will you make me wait again?”

"I'll tell you." Finn whispers back, quiet and bare in his confession. Finn would tell Brutus anything if he asked. All his secrets and white lies become undone so easily. All his ugly is more palatable with him.

He takes a deep breath, mustering a smile that wasn't nearly as confident as he wanted. "I won't forget your stuff or your Princess update," Finn begins, slowly edging back to his usual tone. "You focus on getting better okay?" Finn knew he had to let go. Knew he couldn't cling to the warm hand in his own forever.

Why did that little voice in his head scream at him to stay? To stay until midday turns to dusk and Brutus was sleeping soundly.

The blonde ignores it.

Finn gives a final squeeze, bringing the other's knuckles to his chin. He doesn't dare do more. "See you soon." He whispers his goodbye, setting Brutus' hand down so tenderly. Like Brutus was fragile. Like he was precious. And Brutus is. More than he could ever understand.

Another yawn as Finn pulls on his too-thin jacket. He waves at the hospital bed before making his exit but not before mentioning to a nurse to get Brutus some paper and maybe a silly crayon.

“I’ll hold you to that.” Brutus would do it too, even if it was the worst thing he’s ever heard he will flip it to something wonderful. Even now Finn’s words were repeating in his mind and he was holding them close. Even as the blonde's hand let go of his own, he held them close.

“I’ll see you when you get back.” Brutus spoke before waving goodbye, watching Finn leaving the room. That’s when he felt the dread slowly creeping back, curling around his shoulders like a poorly knit scarf.

Suffocating him slowly.

He tried to let The thought of Finn’s hand in his scare that though away, chasing somewhere far from his mind. Leave him alone.

It wasn’t until Finn was long gone did it finally set in, and he was alone with only four words repeating in his mind.

I care about you.

Maybe Brutus should’ve said more, asked Finn to stay, and have someone else check on Princess. But it was already too late for that.

Grey eyes focused on a small opening in the blinds ahead of him, he could almost see it clearly now. Snow.. Blinding white until his eyelids forced darkness onto him.

There wasn’t much to think about after that.