Begging the Stars

The sky that crowned Fieldclan's territory was filled with lightly twinkling stars that watched from above and a moon so big and bright it shone like it was a sun. Through the moon-kissed grass walked a tall, tortoiseshell tom-cat whose copper eyes, which normally were bright and excited, were dull and lifeless and his body sagged and resembled a poorly animated puppet as he moved. It had only been a few moments since the tom left the gathering in which the Fieldclan deputy had an anger filled tantrum in front of all the other clans, making Fieldclan look like an unstable mess. If the tom was honest with himself, he felt like an unstable mess.

As he approached the resting place of Firescar he looked over it, his face as stone cold as the feeling in his heart. A gentle breeze made the flowers and the few single blades of growing grass that stood atop the earth pile tremble. He stared at the burial place, the only clue that the tom was alive was the movement of his chest as he breathed. Finally he heaved a heavy sigh and sat down next to his father.

"I... don't even know what to say... I've... made a fool of myself, dad. I made the whole clan look like fools, and you're the one cat I need to talk to most right now, but, heh, funny enough, you're the reason I need to talk to you so much," He gave a weak laugh, then shifted uncomfortably. He pressed his forepaw into the earth, feeling it squish between his toes, as he reminisced of previous talks with his father. The first race he was ever apart of where he lost to a much bigger warrior and was frustrated with himself; but his father calmed him down, telling the young Wildwind how it was always better to try and lose than win and be satisfied with one's skills. He was always supportive and encouraging, making the tom feel on top of the world, but did not fall short on goofing around. The overwhelming silence got to him as he looked up to what normally would be his father's kind words and smile was nothing but grass and wind.

Suddenly, his emotions caught up to him and he could feel them catch in his throat. His vision became blurred with tears, "Why did you have to leave..." Tears spilled from his eyes as he continued, "Why did it have to be now? I'm... I'm so alone without you and mom. Redwing and Appleflight both have mates and kits, but I... I don't have anyone... I don't even think Fernstar wants to be near me after the stunt I pulled tonight." He looked down and dug his claw into the earth, "A-and I know how you wanted me to have a mate and kits by now but... b-but I don't... I-I'm sorry... I'm sorry I couldn't do what you asked me.... I-I... I..."

Wildwind could feel his legs tremble beneath him until they gave out, causing him to collapse onto the flower bed that blanketed Firescar. A wail escaped his maw, which turned into sobbing loudly between words, "Everyone has someone... and I don't... I don't have anyone..." As much as he tried to continue, his sobbing cut off his ability to speak. The gentle breeze picked up and became a full breeze, caressing his fur in a loving manner.

He continued to cry hard and uncontrollably. A moment had passed, letting a lot of grief crawl from him, finally letting him be able to speak, although weakly, "I want mom back, I want to be in the nursery again with both of you... I want Poppyface to hold me and tell me everything's okay. And-and I want Firescar to tell me stories of his battles... I just want everything to be okay again. That's all I want. Can't I just have that?" The wind was loud now, making it's presence unable to be ignored.

The tom rolled to his side, tears still dripping from his eyes, and let himself breath better. He swallowed, his spit was thick. "Please just bring them back..... I'll do anything, take anything from me, I don't care! But please just bring them back... I'll hunt for everyone every day, I'll take care of the elders and the kits, just please.... Please bring them back..." He took a few heavy breathes before getting up to his paws, his eyes fixated on the stars, shouting: "You hear me?! I know you do, Starclan!! You can take my ears, my eyes, my legs; take my deputyship if you want, but just bring back my parents! Bring back my family!!.. Please! I'm begging you". His last few words were broken up by sobbing.

The wind was now strong and deafeningly loud, he couldn't see as he heaved a heavy breath before collapsing onto the flower bed once more. He was filled with grief, anger, loneliness, fear, and yet felt hollow too. He dug his claws into his head out of frustration and screamed, his voice rasp with pain, "Mom! ... Dad!..."

Wildwind waited for something, anything to happen, but all he could hear was the wind coming to a halt.

He was exhausted from crying and he couldn't start up again if he tried. He just sat there as a weird, hard to explain feeling filled him. It was warm and bright, but empty. It wasn't happy, but it wasn't nearly what he felt before. He laid there, his breath settling, and he could feel sleep crawl to him.

He spoke with with his natural, calm voice: "I know you can't come back," he laid on his side, his eyes shutting as sleep overcame him, "I just wish you could tell me what to do..."