Comic Notes
Notes from Uni about Glais' story.
Shattered
V1
Arlen, under the pseudonym ‘Glais’
A man lies dead in front of a mirror, a gun in hand. He’s just committed suicide. His ghost stands over the body (or in the mirror). A voice asks if this is truly what he wanted, to leave the world behind, and that he can be gifted a second chance to achieve the life he wants. However, the voice tells him that he is fragile, and his connection with this world, his name, will cause him to crack and eventually shatter. Leaving the room, the mirror is completely empty, all its glass gone. (1/2)
Cut to time skips of the man having fun and enjoying the world. He’s living his life how he wants to live it, living under a pseudonym.
Until he spots her. (3)
Their eyes meet and she calls his name, deeply confused. He cracks. People around him look confused and say the name as well. More cracking ensues. Covering the cracks up with a hand, he grabs her hand and leaves the area. (4) In private, she asks why he hadn’t been around, and makes it clear that they were dating, that she loved him. He begs her to call him by his pseudonym, explaining his plight with the mirror cracks.
She agrees (5) and they date, enjoying the world together. Until she begins to threaten him. It starts out small. ‘Why won’t you come shopping with me? If you don’t come, I’ll…I’ll say your name!’ but ramping up to her using it openly as punishment if he does something she doesn’t like. ‘But I wanted the green shoes! How could you not listen to me, Arlen?!’ (6/7) He returns home to their now shared house and looks in a mirror, running his hand across it, tracing the cracks that are now incredibly obvious across his form.
“Ah! Glais! Are you done in there, I want you to help me carry all my new clothes upstairs!”
“No…no I’m not.”
“ARLEN.” crack “GET DOWN HERE THIS SECOND.”
The man doesn’t move, staring into the mirror. He’s come to a decision. His ‘girlfriend’ appears behind him, angry. (8) “Did you not hear me?! Arlen?!”
“…Yes. I heard you.”
“Then do what I say!!”
“…No.”
Glass shattering between them both. She looks enraged. “How DARE YOU, Arlen?! ARLEN??” He breaks a little further, but doesn’t react. “And, Arlen, after everything I’ve done for you?!”
“You cheated on me.”
“BULLSHIT.” (9)
He frowns. Now it’s his turn to be angry. “I SAW YOU. YOU WERE WRAPPED IN HIS ARMS LIKE YOU BELONGED THERE!”
“WELL AT LEAST HE DID WHAT HE WAS TOLD, ARLEN!”
“DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT DID TO ME?! YOU SHATTERED MY HEART LIKE….LIKE….LIKE GLASS!”
“Oh, how poetic!”
“You know, I couldn’t deal with it! I couldn’t deal with the last good thing in my life breaking. So, the only thing left to do was break myself. Break myself so I’d never have to deal with this shit again!” (10)
“Well gee, Arlen, I think you failed at that…” She’s vicious, her nails digging into his arm. “Now do as I say, Arlen, or I swear you’ll regret it.”
“What’ll you do? Shatter me???”
Inhale. Exhale.
“Arlen. Arlen! ARLEN! ARLEN ARLEN ARLEN!” She’s fighting him physically as well.
“I WON’T DO IT!” He fights back, they’re rolling back and forth.
ARLEN ARLEN ARLEN ARLEN ARLEN ARLEN ARLEN ARLEN ARLEN ARLEN ARLEN ARLEN ARLEN ARLEN ARLEN ARLEN ARLEN ARLEN ARLEN ARLENARLEN ARLENARLEN ARLENARLEN ARLENARLEN ARLENARLENARLENARLENARLENARLENARLENARLENARLENARLEN
---CRACK--- (11)
He shatters, his shards cutting into her as she wrestles with him.
One shard punctures her heart.
Final shot: Her body lying across the ground, shards of glass surrounding her on all sides. (12)
V2
Arlen, under the pseudonym ‘Glais’ – Names are never specified if I do this silently
A man lies dead in front of a mirror, a gun in hand. He’s just committed suicide. His ghost stands over the body (or in the mirror). A voice asks if this is truly what he wanted, to leave the world behind, and that he can be gifted a second chance to achieve the life he wants. However, the voice tells him that he is fragile, and his connection with this world, his name, will cause him to crack and eventually shatter. Leaving the room, the mirror is completely empty, all its glass gone. (1/2)
Cut to time skips of the man having fun and enjoying the world. He’s living his life how he wants to live it, living under a pseudonym.
Until he spots her. (3)
Their eyes meet and she calls his name, surprised and a little scared. He cracks, and his expression turns sour. Around him, people are repeating his name with confusion, resulting in further cracks. He leaves the party, grabbing her arm and pulling her somewhere private, where he confronts her. What does she think she’s doing here? Hadn’t she caused him enough pain by cheating on him!? Didn’t she know that he committed because of her? (4) She’s frightened. He should be dead. She begs his forgiveness, telling him that she did love him, and that she’d never meant for something like this to happen, but perhaps his new life meant they could have a second chance?
He calms down, eventually agreeing with her. He does still love her, regardless of what happened. He explains that she can’t call him by name, and must instead call him by his pseudonym. She agrees. (5)
Over the next few weeks/months, they enjoy each other’s company, but after a while things begin to go downhill. She orders him to do things, threatening to say his name if he doesn’t comply. After a while, she begins using his name as a punishment if he does something she disagrees with, reaching the point where he’s covered in cracks. (6)
One day they’re sitting at a small table at a café, and he’s trying to make small talk. She’s ignoring him, eating cake and tapping away on her phone. After finishing her cake, she puts away her phone and directs him to pay for the cake, then leaves. He looks downcast, sighing and running a hand over the cracks on his person, when a ping sound surprises him. (7) He finds his ‘girlfriend’s’ phone on the floor. Scrolling through her messages, he sees messages between her and another, suggesting she’s been cheating on him again.
Enraged, he immediately heads home to confront her. (8) She’s angry he looked through her messages, but doesn’t deny the accusations, instead revelling in them, telling him that she only kept him around because he couldn’t disobey her. (9) He gets angry, deciding there and then that he’s never doing what she says again. She yells at him to do what she orders, resorting to using his name and physically striking him. He attacks back as best he can. She yells his name louder and more frequently, until eventually he shatters. (10/11)
His shards go everywhere, but one finds its rest in her heart. She dies, surrounded by the glass of her so called ‘lover’. (12)
Feedback:
Jubilee:
Kill this woman
I know she’s dead but die
This is a really interesting concept!
I can’t spot anything I’d think would need changing right now :0
I was confused by the glass at first but that was revealed to be what his new body is
I’d get more opinions yeah! But I think the whole concept from the glass and the relationship is good
it would be neat to see it fully fleshed
Michatah:
Whoooaaaaa
That was way more deep than I was even ready for
holy shit
(Is it ok) Yes it is!
(Does everything work?) I think so yeah
I mean its sad as heellll
like holy shit
Did you think of reversing the genders? I’m just curious if it would like change the story
Its well done
Gingerale:
I love that
that’s super cool
Teeteegone:
Well you’re certainly choosing some heavy topics to grapple with
It seems like quite a lot for a twelve page comic
Seems like it’d be fairly dialogue heavy
make sure you’re giving each act the time it needs
I’m not quite sure what the character arc of this story is
make sure you're giving each act the time it needs
i'm not quite sure what the character arc of this story is
it seems to me as though He doesn't really go through a significant change with this story?
that's not the most satisfying of an ending for the reader
it just feels a bit bleak, really
suppose but he doesnt really die due to any mistakes he makes
right but there's no real reason why he's wrong
we're made to feel sorry for this character but they don't really get any kind of resolution
they're treated poorly and then they're killed, essentially
its good to write from a place you can relate to but we don't read stories because we want a mirror of real life
my point here being that there's no real up point in the hero's story to warrant a significant emotional connection
the only bit of real happiness he gets here is one sentence in this entire synopsis
you should draw more significance to it in your synopsis, then
even the bleakest stories need a level of positivity to give it meaning
a story thats all depressing all the time just isnt really interesting
cool
its nice to see a comic project with some clear emotional weight behind it but dont let it get too much of a downer
keep structure, balance, and consequence in mind
PAGE SPLITTING AND PLANS
1
A man lies dead in front of a mirror, a gun in hand. He’s just committed suicide. His ghost stands over the body (or in the mirror). A voice asks if this is truly what he wanted, to leave the world behind, and that he can be gifted a second chance to achieve the life he wants.
2
However, the voice tells him that he is fragile, and his connection with this world, his name, will cause him to crack and eventually shatter. Leaving the room, the mirror is completely empty, all its glass gone.
3
Cut to time skips of the man having fun and enjoying the world. He’s living his life how he wants to live it, living under a pseudonym.
Until he spots her.
4
Their eyes meet and she calls his name, surprised and a little scared. He cracks, and his expression turns sour. Around him, people are repeating his name with confusion, resulting in further cracks. He leaves the party, grabbing her arm and pulling her somewhere private, where he confronts her. What does she think she’s doing here? Hadn’t she caused him enough pain by cheating on him!? Didn’t she know that he committed because of her?
5
She’s frightened. He should be dead. She begs his forgiveness, telling him that she did love him, and that she’d never meant for something like this to happen, but perhaps his new life meant they could have a second chance?
He calms down, eventually agreeing with her. He does still love her, regardless of what happened. He explains that she can’t call him by name, and must instead call him by his pseudonym. She agrees.
6
Over the next few weeks/months, they enjoy each other’s company, but after a while things begin to go downhill. She orders him to do things, threatening to say his name if he doesn’t comply. After a while, she begins using his name as a punishment if he does something she disagrees with, reaching the point where he’s covered in cracks.
7
One day they’re sitting at a small table at a café, and he’s trying to make small talk. She’s ignoring him, eating cake and tapping away on her phone. After finishing her cake, she puts away her phone and directs him to pay for the cake, then leaves. He looks downcast, sighing and running a hand over the cracks on his person, when a ping sound surprises him.
8
He finds his ‘girlfriend’s’ phone on the floor. Scrolling through her messages, he sees messages between her and another, suggesting she’s been cheating on him again.
Engraged, he immediately heads home to confront her.
9
She’s angry he looked through her messages, but doesn’t deny the accusations, instead revelling in them, telling him that she only kept him around because he couldn’t disobey her.
10
He gets angry, deciding there and then that he’s never doing what she says again. She yells at him to do what she orders, resorting to using his name and physically striking him. He attacks back as best he can.
11
She yells his name louder and more frequently, until eventually he shatters.
12
His shards go everywhere, but one finds its rest in her heart. She dies, surrounded by the glass of her so called ‘lover’.