[EU] Just Us

HOH Script #3 for: 
Astrday, Lamydan 21st, ’000 - 6:00 PM Broadcast
Closvia News Network®️ 

Recorded by: 
Capsulatus Heyltrunt

Anchors:
Quinella Afifella
Axanthum Haydin
Oxaliferum Sivin

Reporter(s):
Laidlawii Goodborne
Inopinata Verbose
Oulorum Horusi 

Cameraholder(s):
Ascendens Gillbron
Pyrophilus Afifella

---

Pyrophilus(off-camera, quietly): Okay, we’re live.

Axanthum(smiling): Good evening, Closvia! Welcome to the six o’clock broadcast of the Closvia News Network, bringing you the latest in Eucaritian updates. Let’s start our faithful viewers off with the weather, shall we?

Quinella: Next week’s forecast was just released by Raincloud Ltd. You can view the full report at oen.raincloudltd.luv/closvia, but it’s basically clear skies until thunderstorms late Opilday.

Axanthum: Thank you, Quinella. Sounds like wonderful weather for Leptos for the entire month!

Quinella: It’s a gentle winter for sure.

Axanthum: For further good news, the story of the missing Mr. & Mr. Joule has come to a close. Earlier today, they both turned themselves in to the HPF station in Sanctum, and after a Beaut test, were confirmed as the missing Rhamni Joule and Sylvanus Joule.

Axanthum: They have made no statement on where they were hiding or why, but the HPF has released a statement explaining that the two had chosen to elope briefly on a well-needed vacation. Synetics and Lepton DNA are now under questioning for potentially overworking employees.

Oxaliferum: Once more, Beauts’ Rights Activists have also spoken out against the Beaut test the two underwent, citing it as potentially harmful racism. A planned march in Sanctum will shut down Western Pine Avenue, on Umeriday, Lamydan twenty-fifth. The march is expected to start at 12:00 PM and will continue for 1-2 hours afterwards. Please take care if you will be near the march. HPF officers have already been informed and will be dispatched to stop rioting and halt violence.

Axanthum: Accusations of bribery have recently surfaced, targeted mostly at Diplomat Roseum, based on his decision to back the Salinspira Agriculture Association’s new policy on non-genetically-grown meat and meat byproducts. The CSNS reached out to him for an interview, but we received only an email stating “No comment.” in return.

Quinella: Diplomat Roseum has refused to speak to any major news station about the accusations. They have been lobbied by the Metalops Animal Husbandry Register, who accuse Roseum of supporting SAA’s new attempt to re-introduce high-quality grown meats back into grocery stores through actual livestock. Critics fear that this could potentially spiral into attempting to sustain the old meat industry that collapsed due to corruption and environmental destruction.

Oxaliferum: You can always head to oen.cnsn.news/mindustry to read more about this developing story and more about the SAA proposal.

Quinella: Speaking of the website, the new weekly poll is up! You can access it from the mainpage, or type ‘/poll’ in your URL bar. This week, which is better: Meutins or Sphinxes? Well, the answer’s obviously Meutins.

Axanthum: My Sphinx at home would like to have some words with you, Quinella. 

Quinella: We need a tie breaker.

Oxaliferum: No comment.

(All laugh.)

Pyrophilus: Cut to commercial break.

(Commercials, reel 6-0124E.)

Pyrophilus: And we’re live again.

Axanthum: Welcome back, Closvia! This is the Closvia News Network six o’clock broadcast, coming to you live with all the Eucaritian updates your little hearts could wish for.

Oxaliferum: For those just tuning in, you can visit oen.cnsn.news for the updates you missed and extra details on the stories you like to hear. Speaking of which-

Axanthum: -of course. A fire broke out in a Sund suburb last night. No one was killed, although one person was injured. Live at the scene is reporter Laidlawii Goodborne. Laidlawii, what can you tell us about the fire?

(Camera changes to the outside of a Sund district. A derelict apartment complex is distinct in the background. Laidlawii stands in front of it.)

Laidlawii: Thanks for the introduction, Axanthum. Firefighters on the scene were able to quickly contain the blaze and rescue any and all individuals caught in the fire. The cause of the fire is suspected to be a malfunctioning fire alarm, which did not trigger when an individual’s mobile heater set fire to a blanket on top of it. One person suffered second-degree burns and was rushed to the nearest Lepton Medical Centre, where they are in stable condition.

(Camera returns to newsroom.)

Axanthum: Thanks for that update, Laidlawii. 

Quinella: The annual Remembrance Day celebrations are gearing up to be the biggest yet; this year’s host city is Pyatata and Mayor Atypica has remained as cryptic about her plans as always. However, residents have reported a sudden rise in delivery trams and drones depositing what can only be assumed to be celebration supplies in and around Pyatata.

Oxaliferum: Mayor Atypica has said that the exact celebrations will remain a surprise until the 29th, but that she is eager to really wow Leptos with a holiday they won’t forget. Critics and sympathetics alike have deduced that this sudden surge of excitement for Remembrance day has been linked to the passing of Mayor Atypica’s sister, who died of the housecold a few months prior.

Quinella: If that’s the case, good for her. She’s taking her grief and really making it into something tangible.

(The others nod.)

Quinella(clears throat): News has recently reached the station of the disappearance of the prolific Dr. Aureus Medicillin, the head programmer at SCC Corp. Information for the alleged disappearance is currently scarce, as it was just reported this morning by Mr. Thetaiota.

Axanthum: On-site in Galadia City is reporter Inopinata Verbose, who has managed to secure an interview with Mr. Thetaiota himself, CEO of SCC Corp. Let’s turn over to Inopinata.

(Camera changes to a private lounge in the SCC Corp Headquarters, in Galadia City, Brachyspirae. Thetaiota is sitting on a futon, arms clasped in his lap, not smiling. Inopinata stands next to him, holding the microphone.)

Inopinata: Thanks, Axanthum. This is reporter Inopinata Verbose, of the Closvia News Network, with Mr. Thetaiota in the SCC Corp headquarters.

(Thetaiota waves dully at the camera, and Inopinata turns to him.)

Inopinata: Thank you for agreeing to this interview, Mr. Thetaiota. I understand you are most likely stressed and worried, and the CNSN is grateful that you took the time to speak with us. We are sorry for Dr. Medicillin’s disappearance and we hope for his safe, quick return.

Thetaiota: Yes.

Inopinata (offering microphone): Can you tell us when Dr. Medicillin went missing, Mr. Thetaiota?

Thetaiota: Early this morning. He did not respond to texts, calls, and did not show up to work. His apartment showed signs of having been broken into. The police are handling it.

Inopinata: Was Dr. Medicillin acting strange the last time you saw him?

Thetaiota: I walked Aureus home last night. He was acting - normal. Like his normal self.

Inopinata: Mr. Thetaiota, are you at will to tell us who you suspect to be behind this? As I understand it, Dr. Medicillin has never been targeted in terrorist attacks, or harassed by the Eucaritian crime rings in any form. If you -

Thetaiota(wrenching microphone away from Inopinata): If the Chaotics-cursed [censored] who [censored] kidnapped my fiancé are watching this broadcast, let this be your [censored] final warning - you will be found, and if not by the police, then you will be found by me, and I will not -

(Inopinata briefly attempts to pull the mic back from Thetaiota, who shoves him away.)

Thetaiota: - I will not hesitate to make your final twenty-hour hours pain. I will wreak horror on your miserable life, your pathetic family, and I will ensure that your name will be forever forgotten, so that you may suffer a swift, [censored], agonizing second death - you may laugh in your [censored, censored] hole of a [censored] for now, but your victory will be short lived and-

(Camera cuts back into the newsroom. Quinella, Axanthum, and Oxaliferum all appear initially shocked, but regain composure quickly.)

Quinella (clears throat): Mr. Thetaiota is obviously distressed at the unprovoked disappearance of his partner. Viewers are encouraged to contact their local HPF branch with any leads they may have.

Axanthum: SCC Corp’s branches remain fully operational even in the wake of Dr. Medicillin’s disappearance. Subordinates who typically report to Dr. Medicillin have been instructed to report directly to Mr. Thetaiota until a replacement is found, or Dr. Medicillin is discovered.

Oxaliferum: I can’t imagine the agony he’s experiencing.

Axanthum: Okapi are naturally monogamous and devoted - so psychologists say. It must be hard for him. 

(Silence for :06 seconds.)

Quinella: In brighter news, movie star and Golden Spectrum Productions poster child Escherichia is doing another booksigning in Closvia, after his successful ventures in Galadia City. His book, ‘The Limelight and the Backlights of the Media’, remains the number-one bestseller in several dimensions during its debut week. Critics are raving over the drama and angst in this historical fiction novel. 

Axanthum: Escherichia has also been signed on to write a sequel to his book. Who knew the little movie star was also a fantastic author?

(All awkwardly laugh, still tense.)

Oxaliferum: In the topic of Golden Spectrum Productions, the next season of ‘The Real Spouses of Brachyspirae’ is set to begin shooting next month. GSP is currently running a raffle to give one lucky fan the chance to appear in a recap episode and ask one of the spouses one question. For more details, head to oen.goldenspectrum.media/sraffle, where they have the full information and your winning package.

Axanthum: This month’s Ingenuity Medal was awarded to Labrys Ponhep, of CellNet fame, for re-programming - in his spare time - CellNet’s post tracker and information-storage system. His program was given the OK to be implemented into the site and he was awarded the medal yesterday. He has agreed to an interview, which we will be able to broadcast on Opilday.

Quinella: In the meantime, you can read about his program on CellNet. I believe he posted a thread about it.

Pyrophilus: Okay, cut to commercial. Take five, everyone.

(Commercials, reel 6-0125E.)