Personal Hell

He came to me in a dream. Well, in a way he did. I seemed to be in the dream as well, but I didn’t look like myself. Both of us have appeared many times in my very few, somewhat foggy memories. Sometimes I’m the small white fox, other times I’m the large spotted canine. As for the dream, I took the role of said canine.

Seeing myself through another’s eyes was quite jarring. This body was quite a bit larger than my own, and my tail lacked it’s little mouth. While it was hard to get use to, it wasn’t the focal point of the dream. My new body was only secondary. The dream’s main purpose, from my understanding, was a warning. A vague one, but still a warning nonetheless.

In the beginning, we both seemed equally confused as to what was going on. Neither of us really knew where we were, or why we were there. He, however, seemed more to be exponentially more confused than myself. For me, it was just the general confusion anyone would have upon waking up in an unfamiliar place. His was different. He was more shocked, as if he had been trying to get to this place unsuccessfully many times before.

The small fox looked awful. He exuded a somber aura that could be sensed from miles away. His whole demeanor was sorrowful. His posture, his voice, his mannerisms. Whoever he was, he had lived a sad existence. It made me feel bad for him. While I didn’t know who he was, I knew that I had once been close to him. Or maybe I was him, and I was seeing my past self from the eyes of the other mysterious friend I had once had. Either way, it broke my heart to see him in this condition.

Despite his sorrows, he seemed genuinely happy to see me. Once he finally came to terms with the situation, he ran over to me and hugged me tightly. His body was cold, but the hug filled me with a familiar warmth. Tears welled up in his sky blue eyes, but none fell down his face. I could feel tears coming on as well.

The fox let go of me and rubbed his eyes with his paws. He then took a few steps back and sat down. I had to turn my head downwards to look him in the eye, as he was quite a bit smaller than me. His eyes sparkled. I could remember those eyes. Finally, he cleared his throat and began to speak.

“I… I finally found you. Long time no see” He said, seeming to struggle a bit with his words.

“Do we know each other?” I asked, despite the fact that I already knew the answer.

“I believe so, but my memories are awfully foggy these days.” He replied, ears lowering

I smiled at him. “Don’t feel bad. Mine are as well. I only have bits and pieces left.” My voice briefly trailed off, as I searched for the right thing to say next. “So, uh, why are you here?”

He sighed a heavy sigh, and lowered his head. I could almost feel his inner turmoil. It was as if he were debating whether or not he should say something. There was something else too. On top of his inner debate, he also seemed to be struggling, almost like he was fighting to stay in this strange dreamscape with me.

“I just… Wanted to see you again. I know I used to know you, even if I don’t anymore. I thought that maybe, if we saw each other again, maybe we’d get a memory back or something”

A dark and mysterious aura filled the area. The fox seemed to be struggling much more now than he was before. His body began to tremble, and he was struggling to speak. All that came out was a stammer.

“I-I-I have to go now…. I can’t….” Sound ceased to come from his mouth, but it was still moving as if he were speaking. He quickly realized this, and shook his head, as if to get whatever was causing this away from him. “We’ll see each other again, I promise, b-but for now I have to… I have to leave. I’m sorry” I didn’t want him to leave. Not like this, not forcefully, but I said nothing in protest. Something inside me knew that he really did have to leave, even if he didn’t want to.

I gave him a small wave goodbye, and he returned the gesture as best as he could. His body collapsed on the ground, and I could see a very faint silhouette of chains forming around him as his body disappear into nothing more that a wisp of fluffy white clouds.

I was all alone now. All alone in this strange and unfamiliar world. After he left, the world seemed to leave with him. The entire area began to fade to white. My body began fading as well. It was as if he were an integral part of the dream, and now that he was gone it couldn’t keep itself running anymore. Then, my vision blacked out.

The morning sun shone down on me as I jolted awake. A cold sweat ran down my back, and my heart was pounding. As I looked around, I realised that I was back home. Home in my bed, and back in the body I was familiar with. Soft, fluffy grey fur. Purple spots scattered throughout my pelt. Even the little mouth at the end of my tail had returned. The dream I had had felt so real, as if it weren’t a dream at all. It felt so real that I had to double check that I was myself before getting out of bed.

He said we’d see each other again. I’m holding on to those words. I need to know who he is, and how I knew him. I need to know. Still, it will have to wait. Today, I’m meeting up with a new friend. Someone I had only met a few days prior, but was quickly becoming close to. He seemed to be quite knowledgeable, and he had agreed to help me recover my lost memories, if it were possible.

“Please, I’m begging you, don’t let me down” I whispered to seemingly no one, as I got out of bed and began readying myself for the day.