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of it all over the floor, with different pictures on the cover. The porter was lost in himself, the only thing keeping him grounded was the voice next to him of a man he loved more than the whole world, maybe even he would be as bold as to say, the whole universe. 

He could listen to the man talk for hours, and just lose himself in admiring him. Maybe the smile on his face told the other man that he was paying attention, and to an extent, he was. Just not to the words… but rather the presence of the scientist with him. 

He must have been some being holier than thou, he thought. Maybe an angel, yeah, he must have been some sort of angel… and that’s why his heart stops. It wasn’t made for this human body, maybe god is just trying to get his angel back. 

Percy could almost see the feathery wings, pure white rays radiating from the scientist. He could almost reach out and touch them, but he didn’t want to interrupt Heartman when he was so passionately talking about a movie he likes. 

He looked so excited that Percy couldn’t help but grin. It’s at this point that any creature is at its most vulnerable and purest, the genuine joy of sharing what you love with someone. Percy was happy Heartman picked him. 

“This man looks like you” Heartman said, picking up another one of the CD boxes and holding it up for Percy to see. “Although he is much more violent in the movie.”

Percy studied the CD box and looked at the man on the cover. ‘Drive’ read the cover with hot pink and colors that reminded Percy a lot of Heartman’s room. 

“Are you saying I look like a movie star?” The Porter teased and Heartman chuckled. In all truth, Percy felt anxious and sick to the stomach at that moment because he recalled the violent part of him he hoped Heartman would never see. 

“Although not as handsome” Heartman responded.

“Well you lose some charm when you’re dragged through BT mud and shit.”

Heartman stared at the movie cover for a moment then looked back at Percy. “We should watch this sometime. It has such a fascinating collection of music, and the way it’s shot, relying on colors and lights—”

And there he went again… 

Little did Heartman know, Percy had already seen this movie and was already familiar with the work put into it, but hearing it from Heartman suddenly made everything about it better. 

He must have been that deep in love. 

But he was okay with that. It’s the best and worst he’s ever felt. The 'butterflies’ in his stomach felt more like throwing up BT goo, and the anxiety he felt at the thought of the slightest actions like holding Heartman’s hand was unbearable. Not to mention the hunger and desire that burned his veins at the thought of just kissing the scientist. He loved him so much and so helplessly that it made him forget every upsetting thing in his life, every bit of anger in him died, and it left him mush on the ground. It was so stupid, he thought, that someone could do that to him. He beat people up to death for a living (well it wasn’t exactly his job but it was somewhere between the lines of his job description) but the thought of pressing his lips to Heartman’s made him the weakest man on earth. It was enough to make his hands tremble and his cheeks red. He hoped Heartman wouldn’t notice, especially with the colors of the lights in his room. Perhaps he was just scared, of course he was, he was scared of how fast the hunger in him turned into starvation, that one kiss wouldn’t be enough, and that he would want more. It sent jolts of pain through his body knowing how much he loved Heartman. He had kissed him before, he knew how hard it was to starve; to just want to hold him close and place soft kisses over his dorky face, and his neck, and his hand, until he could just melt into a peaceful puddle under the other man. 

He didn’t lack self control, but he preferred to just avoid the situation when he could all together… which gave birth to another form of starvation, but it was one Percy could live with. 

“Oh… seems like it’s almost time to go again.”

Percy blinked, suddenly feeling like he was just woken up from a trance.

“Could you please—”

“Yeah, I got it. Don’t worry.” The Porter stood up and carefully packed all the CDs back into their boxes, setting them aside to put back on the shelves later. He turned the music on, wondering if Heartman could even hear it on the other side or if he just preferred to have it on for the mood. 

By the time he was done cleaning up a bit, Heartman had already made himself comfortable on the long chair where he often took those “naps”, Percy walked to stand beside him, placing a hand on top of his head, fingers gently running through his hair. 

“Wait for me?”

Percy smiled. “I always do" 

Maybe it was the music, maybe it was the smile that Heartman mirrored back, or a mixture of his thoughts and everything around him… But Percy felt the burning sting of love on his lips. His free hand tangled with one of Heartman’s own, fingers intertwining, and somehow the aching sensation co-existed in perfect harmony with complete peace within the porter, and it hurt. It fucking hurt like hell. 

And the pain ate at him for the next three minutes until he thought his legs would give in and he would fall apart but somehow he managed go keep it together until Heartman was back, and only then did he allow himself to lean down and place a kiss over the scientist’s cheek, perhaps dangerously close to the corner of his lips, because those pure blue eyes were looking at him, so full of life and love, and that was the nail on the coffin, or so Percy thought until he saw Heartman grinning lazily, tears still rolling down his cheeks and staining Percy’s lips. 

The hunger was almost unbearable at this point, that Percy thought he felt his own tears burning his eyes. He pressed his forehead to Heartman’s, the tip of their noses occasionally touching, and they remained like that for some time before Percy helped him up and took a seat next to him. There was peaceful silence for a moment, and then Percy was looking at Heartman. 

"I have so many feelings inside me, you know?”

“As humans should, Percy.” The scientist joked, rubbing the back of his hand on his cheek to wipe away the remaining tear trails and then he adjusted his glasses.

“No, you fucking nerd,” Percy pushed Heartman with his elbow playfully. “I mean I have a lot of feelings, for you." 

"I certainly hope they’re not negative feelings”

The Porter shook his head. “They’re the best damn feelings I ever felt.”

“Care to elaborate?”

“No." 

"Well, that’s certainly an odd way to say you love someone." 

Percy felt his face heat up so he looked away. "I didn’t say it was love. But that’s one of them.”

Thankfully Heartman was really understanding with how hard it was for Percy to express himself and if it were possible, that made Percy love him even more. 

“And I love you.”

For a moment, Percy thought he had died. “Fuck, man!” he clutched the space where his heart hammered under his suit. He could die right then and there and he would be the happiest person on earth. He could never tire of hearing those words from Heartman but, shit, did it strike his heart with a force that could cause it to burst. 

“I’m afraid we don’t have the time for that.” Heartman laughed, and maybe it was the adrenaline that took over Percy but he grabbed the other man and pulled him into a kiss, or rather just a peck on the lips, but it was enough, enough to turn the hunger turned into starvation. One kiss turned into two, and two into three until he felt his lungs aching for air, but the feeling was so addictive. Heartman’s lips were as soft and gentle as his soul, dancing in harmony with the porter’s own. He tasted like a piece of heaven, and Percy felt himself falling through the clouds when their lips parted. 

“I assume that was one of those feelings?”

He nodded.

“I can definitely say I like that feeling." 

"I like it too" 

"Maybe next time you have trouble with your feelings, you could… make me a CD with music describing those feelings?”

“Like… label them with song titles?”

“In a sense, yes.”

Yeah, Percy thought, that would be much easier.