What is to never be.
I was bored.
“What is it like returning to what once was, and what will never be?”
The words from her dreams haunted her mind, the phrase seeming to resurface during her worsts of times.
“returning to what once was-”
She didn't know what it all meant nor why it had even begun in the first place, yet she could still hear it looping endlessly in her mind. It would've almost been maddening had she not had those around her to preoccupy her. Her companions, her friends, her journeys: It all lead to this moment of her existence, right? The struggles and hardships she had endured, the relief periods, the times she was at a low... It was all for her to be like this, right? She might've felt like a shell of the person she was when she was little, but that never deterred her in the slightest. On the contrary, she felt... determined. It was like a spark that couldn't be quenched, a hunger that craved nothing more than the sheer existence it revolved around.
Aurora knew even if she seemed to be losing herself to the slow descent of madness, she wouldn't stop from creating- expanding her own horizons for the sake of the ones she loved. It felt cliché to her: 'I will keep going because it's what they would've wanted.' and yet... It felt right. Maybe those book writers were really onto something after all. Pushing another step forward she continued the trek she had begun not long ago from her peaceful abode, hazel hues flitting from detail to detail. “What would you think of me now, father?” Hesitant in breath, the mere mention of the man made her flinch voluntarily. Why had she spoken those words?
A quiet sigh and she continued on, pressing onward through the rubble- the remains of a small town that once was. She recalled the day many inhabiting the place would pass by, the sounds of life giving her a sense of comfort- that she wasn't as alone as she thought herself to be. However, since the day of their abandonment she had heard nothing aside from the animals and the sounds of nature. Albeit the sounds were peaceful and soothing in their own right, it still made the brunette feel... odd. As if a piece of her life had suddenly faded away.
Despite the worries she harbored the engineer continued, hands intertwining with one another as she kept herself from fidgeting. Her eyes caught sight of a familiar sign: a flower shop that used to sit at the corner of the street. She never personally went into the place the few times she had strolled into the small community, but she had grown fond of it’s bright appearance. A shame it had to come to this, really. A shaky breath escaped her before her eyes locked with the entity of interest, a supply crate she had become aware of not even a few hours earlier.
It had seemed suspicious to her at first, but after much consideration and observation; she realized it had been there for weeks. How had she not noticed it prior to today? Had rubble obstructed her view? Had she been too careless and overlooked the supply crate from afar? She supposed it didn’t matter as she drew closer, more focused on getting the damned thing open rather than wondering how it arrived. As she reached for the lid, her senses suddenly became hyper aware- her heartbeat pounding in her ears as she gazed down at the package. Was this really what she hoped this was? Could this contain possibly food, water, guns? Or would she be horrible surprised with a trap??
Taking a deep breath, she took her chances as she attempted to flip the container’s latches open- flinching once again as a quiet snap! rang out. In a painfully slow gesture, she lifted the lid of the crate; eyes watching as the interior began to show itself. Much to her relief… it was nothing she could have imagined, instead containing the answer she had been repeating to herself time and time again…
What is it like returning to what once was?
A keychain adorned with dog tags of those she had known, those she had grown to trust and love; people she willingly committed her life to. The names of the ones she had known were engraved on each dog-tag, their serial numbers and a few brief sayings under it all that remained of their lives. She would’ve cried had it not been for the goosebumps she was beginning to feel… as if someone was watching her examine the items within the container.
And what will never be?
A faint smile crossed her lips as she rolled the metal plates in her hand, flipping each one to properly read each name. Roid “Riot” Bentley, Olivia Vermont, Surella Dimentro, Roland Firmin… These were the people who left her life- some dead, some wandering. She knew she’d never see most again from her brief interactions from past years, but… she still wished she could find a way to. Sighing, she clutched the dog-tags close as she shut the container, standing proper as she scanned the area around her. Once she was aware that there appeared to be a lack of immediate danger, she turned from the box and began her journey home.
At least tonight, her words wouldn’t be haunted by a phrase she had grown all too familiar with...