Nice work, though a little bit of constructive criticsm--not on the story itself, but the formatting. Whenever there is dialogue from a different character, said dialogue needs to be a different paragraph, otherwise it could cause confusion. Let me take a few lines to show you:
Original formatting:
“Harper!” the young, excited leader called out. Harper looked up and smiled. She felt her heart leap, and her face grow warm. Unfortunately, she would most likely never confess her feelings for her friend, since she already had a mate. “Guess what!” Stormstar whispered. “What?” Harper asked. “I’m promoting you to deputy!” Stormstar paused when she saw Harper’s shocked expression, and said, “I mean, if that’s okay with you?”
Correct formatting:
“Harper!” the young, excited leader called out.
Harper looked up and smiled. She felt her heart leap, and her face grow warm. Unfortunately, she would most likely never confess her feelings for her friend, since she already had a mate.
“Guess what!” Stormstar whispered.
“What?” Harper asked.
"I’m promoting you to deputy!” Stormstar paused when she saw Harper’s shocked expression, and said, “I mean, if that’s okay with you?”
Hope this helps, you don't have to take this if you don't want to though. Keep up the good work!
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