Of Comfort and Claws

Apricot heard the tell-tale grind of file against nail from the other room. Immediately, she bolted upright and bounded to her beloved's side. Bonbi stiffened, as Apricot's weight sunk into the couch beside her, lit up only from the flickering lamp across the table. Shadows crossed a troubled face. 

"I don't get why you keep filing down your claws," Apricot traced a hand down Bonbi's arm, to her wrist, to her hand. Her beloved's heart jumped at the motion. She gently took Bonbi's hand in her own. "You need them to protect yourself, don't you?"

Bonbi, in her surprise at the question, let her love examine and inspect her hand. Apricot caressed the back of her palm, down each finger, testing each nail for sharpness. 

Thumb, Index, Middle, Ri-

"Wait, I'm not done yet!" She drew back her hand just as Apricot was about to press hard enough to draw blood. Hurt flashed in her face. "I just... don't want to cut you."

Apricot took a moment as the ice of rejection faded. She knew. She knew it was for her sake. She knew Bonbi was so soft and sweet and kind and any pain that befell Apricot would strike scars into her heart. That much was obvious, but it was still hard to reconcile. 

"But they're important to you. I need you to be safe, and they're a line of your defence!" 

"I have other ways of protecting myself. I mean, you're always going on about how strong I am," Bonbi said, trying to be lighthearted.

"That's true!!! That's true. But, still."

They sat in stillness, and Bonbi picked back up the file. 

"Do you remember," Bonbi's small smile had dropped, "the first time I saw you perform an Honouring?" 

Apricot plucked the nail file from her hands, and began to file her own nails. As Bonbi looked at her, Apricot avoided her gaze. 

"Uh-huh, I do. You got so worried!" The filing picked up intensity. 

"You looked so powerful. So in your element. It drew my breath away."

Apricot stopped for a moment. 

"It did?" She pointed to herself, "I did?" 

"Yeah. But then you picked up the blade and you..." The words stopped coming. 

"I drew blood..."

"Yeah. And then I had a breakdown! So..." Bonbi drew in a breath, and felt pinpricks behind her eyelids, and her throat closing up. "My love, I don't like seeing you hurt. And, I... I can't bear the thought of being the one who hurt you." 

Apricot looked towards the lamp. She shifted away from it, towards her beloved. She sighed. Putting the file off to the side, she wrapped her arms around Bonbi.

"I understand. Of course I do. I love you, and you love me , and I know this. And I'm eternally grateful for it."

"You sound... Disappointed? I don't understand, my love?"

Apricot took a second to collect her thoughts, squeezing, burying her head into Bonbi's arm. Bonbi kissed it, of course.

"Okay." Apricot took a deep breath, and lifted her head. She stared into Bonbi's beautiful, cat-like eyes. Then she looked away, because Bonbi was so pretty it made her forget her train of thought occasionally and that Would Not Do right now. 

Apricot held out her left palm. Thin lines of red slashed across it, nearly imperceptible in the dim light, but still there. Bonbi took it, and brought it to her lips as well, eyes still wet. 

"The pain I feel, and the element of myself I bring to an Honouring, is a gift I bestow upon the deceased. Uh, the pain's not the gift. The blood is. The pain is a byproduct? A sacrifice, almost? I mean- the blood's a sacrifice, Uh,"

Bonbi kept her eyes on her as she brought Apricot's scarred hand back up for another kiss. 

"An Honouring, and all of my magic, my necromancy... It's a comfort to me. It brings me joy. It makes me feel strong and safe. It reminds me of where I came from and of my home.”

“... Right,” Bonbi was quiet, focus shifting from Apricot’s scars to her own hands. Her claws flashed in the dim light.

“The pain associated with that,” she said, fluidly maneuvering one of those clawed hands and tracing a dulled finger across the lines on her palm, “is also a comfort. It’s a joy, honestly. It feels… nice, almost.”

“The pain feels… nice?” Bonbi Did Not Compute.

Apricot sighed out a “yeah,” putting her head back against Bonbi’s arm. She mumbled into the toned muscle. “I don’t think it’s normal, either.”

Bonbi took a moment to consider. 

“So, my claws don’t… scare you.”

“No! Not at all!”

“They’re like… a comfort, to you?”

“Yeah! Yeah, they are. But I mean, they scare you, and, I get that. You can totally keep filing them down! I don’t mind, not at all.”

“A Comfort…” Bonbi stared down at her claws, hands still in Apricot’s, and took a moment.

”Just the Pinkies.”

“What?”

“I’ll leave the pinkies sharp. I mean, not COMPLETELY sharp, but still enough to scratch.”

Apricot looked up at her. She broke out into a grin. 

“You’re so cute, you know that?!” Apricot exclaimed, tackling Bonbi into the couch, lamp still illuminating the pair in warm light.