Lovesick

Waking up used to be a struggle more often that not, but as soon as I see her it's like turning the lights on- hell, I'd argue that my day begins when she looks at me.

"How are you feeling, did you wake up alright this morning? You look exhausted." She comments, and those eyes scan me as if she can uncover every crack in my armor, every laceration littering my aching heart; those eyes drift across my cheeks, linger on my jawline and then settle on my own, her lips curling downward and oh, how badly I want to kiss them.

"I slept fine, mi reinita, you know how much I hate it when you worry." I murmur, and she sighs, her brows furrowing. I hate when you worry for me, my love.

"You know all too well I can't help it, Stephano," my name a hymn on her lips, "I worry a lot, and always will. Now come on, let's get a drink." She softly nudges my side, my heart seizing in my chest as she sends me a gentle look over her shoulder, and once more she has me wrapped around her finger.

"Already trying to loosen me up hm? You know there's no need, I'm already yours." My banter receives a snort, a faint, but visible smile playing on her lips. My heart soars- and I silently add that my day also begins when she smiles. When we get there she leans in to take a sip and I immediately forget why I am here in the first place.

My afternoons mean nothing until she laughs. I make sure her shady spot isn't taken in case she wants to rest, and I make sure there's enough room for me to sidle in closer. Our friends arrive as soon as she lays down and I huddle in beside her, enjoying the steady rhythm of her breathing and the way her eyes light up when one of her jokes lands well. She looks at me and smiles, and it takes everything in me not to ask her to marry me. Her friends leave, casting me knowing and worried glances, to which I return with a half-hearted smile.  

"You okay?" she inquires softly, those eyes once again looking for any gaps, and I sigh, nuzzling into her neck. Her breath hitches, a long sigh following shortly after, the worry in her eyes replaced with guilt. All at once everything shatters around me and I cannot help but pull her close.

"Relax, mi amor, I will be okay. I promise you it will be alright. What did I tell you about worrying over me? Don't you worry about a thing, bonita I promise you-"

"Stop, just... please. Please stop," she whimpers, burying herself in my neck. "I'm so sorry, Stephano. I'm so, so sorry. If I wasn't such a-"

"Don't even finish that sentence." I interject, and she shudders, silent sobs wracking her body. In times like this she can usually drift of to sleep in a matter of a few minutes, so I let her, the shaking soon fading and soft breaths taking their place. I swallow the knot in my throat and begin smoothing out her hair, the soft scent lulling me into a deep sleep.

The moon has risen by the time I awake, but finding her sleeping beside me reminds me once again how badly I wish to wake up to her every day. She begins moving beside me, her eyes fluttering open and focusing on me, and I feel my heart flutter back in response. We both get up, grab a small meal and it's as if everything is back to normal, her contagious laughter echoing through the pasture as she's greeted heartily by our friends, Bravado greeting me happily as he approaches. We talk for an hour or two until it is time to head inside the stables. My nights remind me that I will be sleeping alone, that it won't come easy as planned- they remind me that she isn't mine. Those eyes look me over worriedly once more and she moves to speak, but I beat her to the punch.

"Until tomorrow, reinita." and I smile, to which she returns lightly, nuzzling my shoulder as she walks past and taking my heart with her. Laying down proves to be as difficult as getting up once was, but I do it anyway, nestling into my bedding and assuring myself there's always tomorrow. There's always tomorrow, and the day following that; so on as so forth. Time is a man-made restraint, one she begs me to consider and I forfeit- I'll wait an eternity and more if I must.

Love is a battleground in which both sides battle their hardest for what they believe in, for what they truly desire. Our campaign never ceases, even when our limits are pushed past breaking. Yet she rises, as do I- a truce for tonight and the promise to start again when the sun rises. My love, my warrior woman, why must you ruin yourself so? Will me away as much as you desire; curse the very name you've been granted and scream to the heavens for lenience. Beg me to kneel before you and bear your throne of self-contempt, and do everything in your power to make me bend. Mi mundo, I will not falter...

...for our war isn't over until I finally may call you mine.