The Two Instances Rathan Drank

The first time Rathan got drunk was the same night she'd told her family to feel free to die in her absence. She was young, but not enough to get kicked out, and she had long lashes so no one thought to check if she had money to spend before handing her a glass. The adults in the village always said that intoxication was evil and would poison the body and soul, so Rathan made sure to drink as much as her body could hold.

She got black-out drunk under the hour. She was laughing loudly at everything, trying to cuddle with strangers, making off-color comments and crying when she was told off. Eventually those tending the bar decided they ought to get her payment before she lost the remaining semblance of presence of mind.One of them calmly peeled her from the guest seated next to her and asked her slowly if she could pay now. She didn’t understand them, and would not have either way, because she had no concept of money back home and hadn’t a coin to her name. 

The employees became angry, began threatening her, and something in her intoxicated brain understood that she could possibly be in danger. Though she was completely off-balancing and impaired, she attacked the bartender in front of her and bolted. She ran into several walls one her way through the darkened streets and didn’t stop running until her brain shut down and she collapsed to her knees.

She woke up the next day with the worst headache she’d ever experienced, and a numbing thirst. She attempted to roll over and almost tumbled to her death off the tree branch she’d apparently fallen asleep on. She was in too much pain to ponder on that, though, so she wandered her way down the towering tree and towards the sound of rushing water. She spent most of that day curled up next to the river.

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The second time, she’d run away again. She didn’t entirely know why. She’d had a good job, she was able to afford food for the first stable period in her life thanks to it, and she’d run away. Why had she felt the need to do that? Logically, the benefits of staying far outweighed the benefits of leaving. But when she replayed her conversations with that boy, how she felt about him, and how he must have expected her to express those emotions… She felt like she could throw up, the fear was so great. She couldn’t face the thought of disappointing him, or the thousands of other ways she could do wrong by him. He liked her, and that was terrifying.

So there she was, several towns over with no real plan and thoughts that were rapidly becoming darker and darker every step further she got. She hated herself, she was so stupid, why couldn’t she just talk easily like everyone else, why couldn’t she have just gotten along with the kids back home, why was she so worthless? The mystery of it ate at her as she went, icy fear blossoming into a deep melancholy that addled her mind until night fell and she faded into sheer emptiness. She suddenly found that she didn’t care, couldn’t care, and it was startling. She had to do something, or maybe she’d disappear once and for all. She walked slowly into the nearest bar and tried not to let the eyes burn her skin. 

Having nothing left to feel, she lined her gut with sugar and alcohol.

She woke up the next day tucked into a desolate alleyway. No hangover this time, thank the oni. Apparently her last experience had etched itself into her mind enough that she thought to guzzle water alongside the copious amounts of saccharine drink. She stretched her limbs, and decided not to check how much money she had left. She had left with only her savings and her lovingly crafted axe in tow, and even though she’d been able to draw the emotions out artificially, she was back to not caring. With luck, it would pass. 

She wandered out to the street where there was… some sort of commotion…? She remained in the shadows of the back street as she observed the people flock, beguiled by tales of a noble mercenary prince from the numerous travelers passing through. Rathan found herself intrigued by the character described. This was the sort of person she could only dream of being. Some of the gathered crowd were joining in with the travelers, and she thought she might want to, as well. Or perhaps, at the very least, she ought to just follow along and learn more about this noble prince. She didn’t have anything better to do.