Forevermore

"Because I'm in love with you."

I've worked for the king of Nezerra for over ten years now as his advisor. It's a painstakingly time-consuming job, especially when you're dealing with King Skylar of all people.

Frankly, I despised the man with a passion.

Skylar may be the most egotistical and self-centered man I ever met in my thirty-two years of life. He had a bad temper and cared for nothing but his own image. In his teens, he regularly fooled around with women, especially the maids and servants of the castle. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if he slept with the entire royal staff at this point. I don't know if he stopped that awful behavior once he married. Of course, the man hides all his misdeeds well and shows only what the galaxy of Jeron wants to see. It's why everyone adores him so much, because he pretends to be perfect and kind, and they believe it.

Want to know the truth? Well first of all, the entire facade is a lie. I have to deal with Skylar's true self behind closed doors every day, and after ten years it became exhausting. He's not as flawless as people think he is. Somehow he charms his way into the hearts of others, usually with a few words and that smile of his.

I can't stand him. I took off my glasses, rubbed my tired eyes, and stopped overthinking. Sitting at this desk for the last three hours drained me. In front of me sat piles of papers, they started to cover the entirety of my desk space. Schedules I had to fix, documents I had to authorize, and just more paperwork. Skylar never bothered to read anything he was given, so I had to take it upon myself to read it all for him. He rather spend time making himself and Nezerra look better than everyone else.

That meant I got stuck with the actual work that Skylar takes credit for. Yes, he might make decisions for himself, but it's usually selfish ones or improving how Nezerra looks to the rest of the galaxy. I highly doubt the man is ever pleased with anything. He always wants to keep improving something. Whether it be our beaches or parks, something always has to be improved.

One thing he needs to improve is his relationship with his wife, Queen Calista. At a young age, their parents arranged for them to marry, and as always, Skylar managed to work the relationship in his favor. He adored the attention the engagement and wedding brought him. Calista objected to the entire situation at first, but she eventually fell in love with Skylar.

I still have no idea why she fell for him.

Two years after they married, Calista became pregnant, but she had a miscarriage and the loss devastated her. For days, she stayed in bed, refusing to eat or do anything. I spent countless hours begging her to at least eat something.

They hadn't announced the pregnancy yet, so no one was aware of their sudden loss. Skylar chose to keep the miscarriage private, as he didn't want the negative attention on himself. It only worsened Calista's sorrow as she had to pretend nothing had happened.

Rumors started spreading as Calista stopped making public appearances. For some time, Nezerra thought she left or passed away. Others became convinced she had an affair or couldn't handle the responsibilities of being queen. Then there's the few that had started the awful nicknames. Melancholy queen, Mrs. Gloom and just anything referencing her current state of mind.

I found it absolutely degrading.

None of this would have happened if Skylar opened up about their loss and took the time to look after her. In the end, Skylar is one Jeron adores while Calista is looked down upon.

All I wanted for the queen was for her to be happy. It's the only thing I ever wanted and prayed for.

I just wish someone else saw how terrible the man actually is.

I let out a loud groan.

I need a break, or maybe even a vacation away from here. Even Gerbeci sounded better than this little piece of hell.

Getting out of this office for even a few minutes would benefit my troubled mind. I stepped out into the hallway, and stretched my arms. Today I didn't have the pleasure of taking a walk outdoors. Paperwork needed to be done or else more will pile up and Skylar would just find another sorry excuse to yell at me.

Just then, a door, the one to the dining area, opened. Random doors opening throughout the day wasn't anything out of the ordinary. We had many servants and maids that worked here. Councilmen and other royal officials often walked down these halls. I just assumed it would be another maid.

Yet, it was her.

Stepping out into the hallway, Calista noticed my presence and gave a small wave. Her teal eyes still held onto that sorrow she's experienced these last few years. A black dress hung off her body, flowing down to the marble floor. She preferred to keep her attire simple and in the dark shade range. Upon her neck, rested a silver necklace with an amethyst pendant.

I watched as the once bright and happy young woman walked towards me. She used to be so full of life and joy.

And I've loved her for so long.

The first time I admitted it to myself was back when I tended to her, right after the unfortunate miscarriage. I don't know how long I've loved her, maybe ever since the first few weeks of her being on Nezerra. When she lost her baby, I sat at her bedside as she slept, myself being scared for her own well-being. I knew the loss devastated her and seeing her health spiral downwards petrified me.

Regardless of how I felt towards Calista, I attempted to keep our relationship strictly professional. She's a married woman and I have my religious morals to keep. She's the queen and I'm her faithful advisor. We were nothing more than friends. My heart always wanted something more than just that.

Alas, it was never meant to be.

“Nigel I've been looking everywhere for you." A worried expression appeared on her beautiful face.

“I'm sorry my queen," I immediately apologized as I gave her my full attention. “Is something wrong?”

Please say you're getting a divorce.

“G.A.G committed another murder and Skylar isn't handling it well.” She glanced behind her as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “I came to warn you since he's in a… mood.”

He's always in a mood.

Shouting from the main room startled us. For a second, I was afraid G.A.G themselves had stormed the castle. If they did I wanted them to take me out first. I'm so sick of this job.

“I cannot believe no one in this damn galaxy can capture them!”

Ah, there he is. The devil himself.

King Skylar walked through the main hall doors, looking outraged. His hands were clenched into fists. Usually the man is cheery, so seeing this other side of him was startling. His blue eyes looked cold as ever.

Stay calm and mature, Nigel.

“Hello sir,” I faked a smile. "Can I assist you with anything?”

Skylar stopped in front of us, and gave me a dirty look. “Can you capture G.A.G alive? Can you, Nigel?”

“No but-”

“Of course you can't. Do you have any idea how bad this makes me look?”

"Well I-”

“And now people are demanding answers from me!”

“Skylar I'm sure we can-” I try to be reasonable. I have dealt with him like this in private before, but I didn't want him upsetting Calista. So I tried handling it faster and smoother.

It didn't work. He only became more frustrated.

“I just, I need a moment.” Without hesitation, Skylar held up a hand, walked out a side door, and stood out on a nearby balcony. He started running his hand through his strawberry blonde hair, and ranting out loud to himself. I knew the G.A.G situation stressed him out, especially since it threatened his perfect image. People were dying and everyone else felt on edge. He didn't know what to do.

None of us knew who the next victim might be. It could be a relative, someone we know, or even us.

I hate to say this but if they took Skylar out I might consider G.A.G a friend.

Calista looked at me, and I wanted to tell her to just forget about Skylar. I knew it'd be wrong, so I kept my mouth shut. It'll only cause more hurt for her if she knew how I utterly despised her husband.

“I'll go speak to him,” she whispered, right before heading out to the balcony. She closed the door behind her, and I stood there, watching.

Part of me hoped she'd leave him be, but underneath all that pain and sorrow was still a kind and caring woman. So, I should know better than that. Despite her current condition, Calista stayed loving and devoted to Skylar.

And I hated it. He didn't deserve someone like her caring so much about him.

Calista rested her right hand on Skylar's arm and cupped his cheek with her left as she spoke to him. I couldn't make out what she was saying, but his stern expression grew softer as he spoke back to her.

Maybe I shouldn't be watching this.

I looked away and went back to my office to finish the last of today's paperwork. I rather not see Calista comfort Skylar yet again, only for him to neglect her later. His behavior and lack of affection towards her wasn't fair. To the public eye, Skylar cherishes Calista but no one notices how much he neglects her. At parties, he's often talking to other women, leaving her behind. She grew the habit of wandering off to be alone. I did my best to make myself available if she wanted to spend her time with me.

Other royals already mocked her for being overly attached to me. They think it's utterly ridiculous she's always seen with me. Thankfully, there aren't any rumors about us having any sort of relationship. I don't think either of us could handle that.

Certainly, no one actually thinks that we have something. That's ridiculous.

I picked up my pen and started yet again, the excruciating process of signing documents. This only lasted for a few more minutes, as another distraction took me from my work.

I'm never getting this done.

A knock on the door grasped my attention.I looked up to see Calista standing in the doorway.

“May I sit with you for a while?” She asked.

“Sure,” I leaned forward, looking past her. “Uh, where's Skylar?”

“The council called him in for a conference about G.A.G,” she replied as she settled down in the chair that faced my desk.

Good, I can finally let my guard down.

I rested my elbows on the desk, placed my face in my hands, and groaned. “I don't know what to do about all this.”

We never dealt with an assassin group before. Figuring out protocol for this sort of thing proved to be difficult. The people of Nezerra started demanding answers and for us to take action. But we didn't know what to do. The police and royal guards are doing everything they can. We heard the group resides in Centralia, and that's out of our hands. We're at a complete loss here.

Calista placed a hand on her cheek as she thought over the dilemma. “Maybe we should issue a travel ban?”

The idea would protect the subjects of Nezerra, and make it harder for G.A.G to retreat here if they're eventually caught in Centralia. To my knowledge, we can't issue the ban without the king's authorization. I know he'll never agree to it. Nezerra makes a fortune off tourists and shutting down the planet for even a week might hurt our economy. He can't risk damaging his reputation if the ban fails.

A scoff escaped from my mouth. “As if Skylar would go through with that. He doesn't want to risk losing Nezerra's number one position as a tourist spot.”

I knew my rude remark was biased, solely because I despised the man. It shouldn't have left my mouth, but Calista didn't appear to notice. I hoped she wasn't aware of my hatred for the man.

“Oh,” she then crossed her arms and softly sighed. “I suppose Skylar just has to handle this.”

Please stop trusting that man so much.

“I suppose.”

We talked a few more minutes about possibilities of what to do about the wretched group. Neither of us came to a conclusion. I found myself yet again wanting to admit my feelings to her. Holding this in for all these years hasn't been easy. Sometimes, I hold her hand far too long when escorting her. A few times, I almost slipped up and told her I loved her. Every day I became more afraid of just finally letting it all out.

Thankfully, Calista excused herself before I made a stupid decision. Apparently she had errands, which meant to tend to her flowers or something. I felt relieved when she started gardening again. I hoped it'd help her cope.

My heart decided on getting Skylar to talk to Calista about her current state. He has to know. She needed him to actually care and let her openly talk about her loss. She needed help.

After what felt like an eternity, King Skylar strolled by my office door. The conference must have ended.

Now is my chance.

I stood up from my desk and hurried out of my office. I had to talk to him. I didn't want to wait until tomorrow.

“Skylar, I'm begging you to talk to Calista about-” I began to plead with him, but as usual he interrupted me. He never had any interest in what I had to say. I doubt he ever will.

“On behalf of Nezerra's council and myself, you're pardoned for the day.” He didn't even stop walking to look at me. The assho- I mean, Skylar kept walking, as if I was of no importance.

I begin to follow him. “But sir I-”

The king waved his hand at me, motioning for me to leave. He kept his back turned to me as he continued walking down the hallway. “Away with you Nigel, I rather not see you until tomorrow.”

Once again, I obeyed and left the castle. There's no use in trying to argue with a narcissist. It'll only end with me being yelled at. There's no point in bothering with him tonight.

I had to go to the place I wanted to be when I started to struggle and doubt myself. I've been raised by a religious family, and I continue to follow that same way of life. The cathedral of Nezerra always felt comforting for me.

I needed to pray for my damned soul anyway.

An hour later, I found myself looking up at the enormous cathedral that towered over the other various buildings. It stood tall and proud, like the grand shining jewel of the city. The architecture had a Gothic style, large towers, and an array of stained-glass windows and statues.

The central tower contained a large brass bell at the top. It's four sister towers, which were slightly smaller, held a smaller version of the main bell. All five bells would ring throughout the day, by the hour. A stone staircase led up to the cathedral's entrance. My feet carried me up them, and I stood in front of the two large wooden doors. I pushed open the doors and walked in. The doors loudly closed behind me as I stepped down the aisle.

My favorite thing about the cathedral is the three large rectangular stained-glass windows that decorated both sides of the main room. The glassmakers used blues, greens, and yellows for the shards to make the windows. Nezerra's history says the workers were the best in Jeron at the time. On the back wall, behind the altar, held the largest window, a circular one. Instead of a random assortment of colors, the glass pieces formed the image of an angel.

Bright light poured through all of them, sending an array of yellows, blues, and greens, across the room and floor.

One of the few things Skylar does right is keep the structures of Nezerra in proper order. He hires a professional team to inspect the cathedral twice a year, in case it needs repairs or renovations. The place always looks stunning, I shall admit.

I sat down in one of the front pews, placed my hands together and hung my head down as I silently prayed. After I finished, a large hand rested upon my shoulder. I looked up to see a familiar older figure stand beside me.

“Father Tomas?” I asked, surprised he was here this late at night.

Father Tomas oversaw the cathedral and led the services here. Many times I stopped by to talk to him, and many times he brought me back on the right path. Talking to him always opened up my eyes, and generally made me feel better. I actually didn't plan on talking to him tonight.

“What brings you here my child?” The white haired wolf sat at my side.

I didn't want to burden him with my woes. They surely sounded ridiculous, especially to an intelligent individual such as Tomas. They're only minor issues in a world of tragedy.

I looked back down at my hands and sighed. “It's overly complicated, father.”

“I'm willing to listen.”

I hesitated, but continued to speak. “I feel like I'm starting to lose myself.”

I then told him how I had feelings for someone who's married. That she is in a dark place and has absolutely nowhere to turn, besides me. I tell him that her husband is an egotistical narcissist who has neglected her for the last seven years, and I work for him. I pour my heart out to him, asking what I should do about all this. That I'm constantly on the edge of breaking my own morals and forgetting the path I'm supposed to be on. I felt lost.

Like when you're hiking and the trail you're following becomes unclear. You lose your path and get lost. It's hard to find your way again and sometimes, you need help to get back on track.

Tomas takes a moment to think about all that I have said. “What do you think you should do?”

I shake my head and nervously laugh. “I'm so afraid of making a horrible mistake. I don't know what to do.”

“You're allowed to make mistakes, Nigel. We aren't perfect. We're allowed to love, we're allowed to have negative opinions of others. It's perfectly natural.”

I felt completely helpless, choking up as I asked a simple question. “How do you handle it? Having to make choices every day, even if they might hurt someone, or yourself?”

“Love and forgiveness, my son,” He warmly smiled.

I stayed way too late talking to my old friend. It gave me some sense of relief. I still didn't know what to do about any of my problems though. I could leave my position as advisor, and escape from Skylar. Then again, I can throw my heart out to Calista and tell her how I truly feel. Or, I just stay silent like I have the last several years and suffer.

They all sounded like terrible ideas.