Fucking Hold Me

"Hey...lili?

 "Hm?"

 roulili looked at the eevee sitting in front of her

"can you...carry me for a bit..."

this made roulili raise an eyebrow, not toto asking to be held, she did that all the time, but the way she was asking. she sounded guilty, as if she was asking for something she knew was completely unreasonable.

"Okay..."  she wanted to question toto's tone, but couldn't find the proper words for said question. Instead she knelt down and scooped the eevee up into her arms before standing. Cradling toto on her shoulder like one would hold a cat

"thank you...can I... can I please...nap for awhile?"  

once again this was confusing. this wasent something toto usually asked for, if she wanted to sleep while you held her she would just go ahead and sleep, no permission needed. And again her tone was one of quilt and sorrow. Sounding like even considering to ask this question was a crime punishable by death

"whats wrong toto?"  this made toto freeze, and roulili internally curse at herself, getting toto to open up wasent as easy as one would think. one wrong move and she'd completely close herself off and refuse any comfort given. or worse, cause her to lie and talk about something that only slightly bothered her, giving the illusion that she was opening up when truth was she was suppressing the problem even more.  

carefully, roulili put her hand on totos back. Slowly stroking it up and down along her partners soft fur. slowly toto adjusted her position snuggling more into roulilis grasp. roulili mentally sighed, this was a sign that toto would at least be comforted without much protest

"Its okay toto, you're allowed to be upset about things" roulili swore she could hear a silent 'no im not' but chose to ignore it "you can tell me whats wrong, I wont be upset with you"

"I-im... its..."

 toto tried to give her answer, but the right words died out before she could speak them

 "I... I... its ... its like... um- umm-"  

toto was becoming more frantic. trying to find a sentience that would make at least a little sense. her head was starting to spin with everything trying to force itself out at once, turning into an incoherent mess

"shhh, its okay toto, take your time"  

with that, toto took a deep breath in and a long one out. she put her head on roulilis shoulder as she steadied her breathing. thinking over what she wanted to say next. though whatever she wanted to say dident really matter much anymore. rather all she wanted to focus on was the feelings of love and protection roulilis embrace caused within her

 and for a moment there where no voices, no doughts or sorrow. just the sound of heartbeats and feelings of love

 and with that, toto fell asleep in her wife's arms. not even remembering what upset her so greatly in the first place