multi
17. hotline
1.
“-fee? Can you hear me? Coffee?”
“Yyyep.”
“Oh, good! Full glad am I to hear that things are functioning properly. Pray forgive my directness, but are you otherwise occupied?”
“Suppose not.”
“In that case, Minfillia has another assignment for you. We’ve been getting worrying readings from Lower La Noscea. Go rendezvous with Y’shtola for more… technical details, should you wish to hear them.”
“...”
“Coffee? Oh dear.”
“I heard you.”
“...Oh. Right, then. Well, should you be in the area-“
“I know.”
“Y-yes, of course you do. Forgive me if I come across a certain way — linkpearl communication being what it is, it’s always difficult to know if I’m being heard the way I intend! Anyway, thank you for your cooperation. I have faith that we will iron out the details for an even smoother process soon.”
“...”
“Coffee?”
2.
“Hey, Ser.”
“Ah, Coffee. To what do I owe the pleasure?”
“You don’t need to talk so formal through the linkpearl, y’know. I’m not standin’ audience in front of your guards.”
“Hmhm, I suppose so.”
“I’m quite literally whispering in your ear. I could be a ghost. I could be a little mite in your ear, trickin’ you into thinkin’ I’m an Au Ra.”
“And are you?”
“I could say anything I wanted, and no one could hear me but you.”
“Coffee, you know as well as I do that I enjoy your company, but I really am in the middle of a report.”
“Aw, of course you are.”
“...Watching my insinuations, I must ask: have you ever before let that stop you?”
“Oh, come on, you make it sound like I’m some kinda insatiable beast.”
“...”
“Wow! I'm not bedding you for a week.”
“Well- if you-“
“That’s how it has to be, mister! Sorry, Ser. You’ll never learn your lesson otherwise.“
“If you have aught else to attend to, I dream not of diverting your focus in any way-“
“Of course you’d say that. You seemed pretty attached to me last night, though. Ha!”
“...”
“Ser?”
“I’m not quite sure what’s stopping me from switching this thing off. I’m really quite busy, and I have not the time for such-“
“Eh, I’ll swing by tomorrow night after all.”
“My schedule is tight, and-“
“Tch. See you then.”
“Wai- ...Ah.”
3.
“Sister dearest!”
“Yes, lovely sister of mine?”
“Have y’ found anythin’ yet?”
“Not particularly. Though-“
“Great. Come to Kugane Dor… ey.”
“I thought the whole point was to split up.”
“Yeah, yeah. Bring Alphinaud.”
“I’m going to have to ask you why. For all I know, Alphinaud is halfway across the city.”
“Hm.”
“What?”
“Is this place a city?”
“What?”
“I mean- obviously there’s people n’ shops n’... Miscellany. But we’re on an island.”
“...You’re losing me.”
“Okay, think about it. A city is a specific place on a landmass where people gather to live in a community.”
“...Yes? Do you really need my confirmation on th-“
“But if it’s people gathering on an island, but they utilize basically the entire island, is it still a city?”
“Are you playing the fool, or are you genuinely… Hold on a moment.”
“Do you see!”
“No, I’m not conceding anything to you. First off, I think your definition of city is flawed. You added the landmass part to try and make your case, which, might I add, is ridiculous.”
“You wound me! I’m serious!”
“...Seriously disturbed.”
“Careful there young lady, startin’ to sound a little like you’re losing your edge.”
“Edge? No, you be careful, I happen to carry a very long, very pointy edge, and I'm not afraid to use it.”
“Haha! I have a greatsword, dear sister. I’ll snap your puny little rapier in half.”
“Not if you swing it so slowly. Gods, anyone watching you fight might think you had the frame of a hulking Roegadyn, the way you- hurl that thing around.”
“Is that admiration I detect?”
“Hold onto your dreams. Anyway, did you want something, or can I return to our very important task?”
“No, see, that can wait. Get your puny brother and drag ‘im to Kuganie Dore. And promptly. You won’t believe the stuff I just ate.”
“...Your treat?”
“Fiiine. Jus’ get your pointy asses over here.”
4.
“Urianger?”
“...”
“Are you there?”
“...I remain otherwise occupied. Should this be a matter of importance, know that I offer thee mine full attention.”
“Uh, yeah, just a question.”
“...”
“Urianger? Mm- so, how do I put this…”
“...If thou wouldst ready thy words preemptively, I should be most appreciative.”
“Okay, yeah, so: water follows all the way to the horizon?”
“...Be this some manner of folly?”
“Nnno?”
“I… Yes, as- seen by thine eyes.”
“Yeah. Okay. Thought so.”
“...If I may inquire, has one called this fact into question?”
“Uhh, no.”
“I admit that I find myself lost. Why didst thou contact me for verification of our fundamental reality?”
“Well, someone said- or, implied? That this star is round. Stupid stuff, just wanted t’ check. Thanks, bye.”
“...”
“...”
“...”
“Yeah?”
“Coffee. Didst thou just imply that thine interpretation of our existence involveth the- idea that our star is a plain?”
“Uh? No, obviously it’s not plains… I mean, I’ve scaled mountains? Don’t really know what you’re talkin’ about.”
“Coffee. Our star is a globe.”
“Like… Round? Or d’you mean it’s akin to a diviner’s globe? Like, can be arcanically used? Because we just established it wasn’t round.”
“It is round.”
“It is not.”
“...”
“No, that can’t be true. I can- see it, it’s flat. Probably… tapers off near Doma or somethin’.”
“Thine own words betray the folly of their backing thoughts.”
“I’m not an idiot! Are you playin’ a joke on me? Is- I dunno- Alphinaud wouldn’t. Is Alisaie behind this?”
“...”
“Did you just hiss at me?”
“I know not how I may possibly explain to one who refuseth to listen to reason.”
“Okay but- you have to give me a reason to believe you!”
“...”
“...”
“Consider this: a ship that saileth past the horizon vanishes not; it appeareth to sink, no? That is because it is traversing on a circular plain- a circular… surface.”
“...Huh?”
“Requireth thee more explanation?”
“...”
“Warrior of Light?”
“...I need some time to think.”
“...”
5.
“Hey.”
“...”
“Got a new gun. Can’t maintain it myself, still. Probably coulda picked up the skill in- this… time, but I haven’t. Been too busy doin’ other things.”
“...”
“I know. You always say the fundamentals shouldn’t be skipped so much. But I just- haven’t been in the mood.”
“...”
“Honestly, I can't say whether I’ll even use this boomstick- ah. I wonder, how many times have I said somethin’ you didn’t understand? Hell if I know whether pirate speak is a learned topic. Definitely wasn’t in use around you, but did it ever show up in- books? Articles? Whatever you Sharlayans read? I imagine y’did lots n’ lots of reading. D’you have any idea what a quarron be? Haha. I should teach you some colourful terms. You wouldn’t know what to do with ‘em.”
“...”
“On the more useful side, I’m still hackin’ away at Regen. Well, maybe I’m being a bit generous implyin’ I’m makin’ progress — we both know I- can’t be… helped by text. So I’m just feeling it out. For all the good that’s doin’.”
“...”
“You should return soon, but not that soon. I need to have somethin’ of Regen worked out, so I can surprise you. The look on your face… I can see it now. Magic-dry Coffee masters a healin’ spell! Won’t that be the day.”
“...”
“I don’t know if I ever really thanked you. For healing me so much- and, well… for anything. I do owe you, don't I?”
“...”
“So. Don’t know if this is reachin’ you. I’m in Ul’dah and you’re gods-know-where in a military hotspot on foreign soil, probably being eaten alive by chimeras. But you’re fine. You know how to cast Regen.”
“...”
“I hope.”
“...”
“Alisaie misses you. Please come back soon.”
“...”
“Please.”
6.
“...”
“Hello?”
“...”
“Hm.”
“...”
“...”
“—̴͖̃͝—̵̛͈̈́̀—̴̬̬͔̓͛͠-̷̖͌̋͝?̴̛̯͚̺”
“Ah, excuse me? I fear there may be an interruption in the signal.”
“...”
“If you require something, pray contact my stand-in, if able. I am ever afield for the foreseeable future.”
“—̵͍͉̣̿.̵͎͗”
“...Passing strange. Perhaps I’m in need of repairs.”
“...”
“Am I being transmitted?”
“—̵ ̷y̵—̸‘̴r̸e̸ ̶u̸s̵—̸g̷ ̸i̴t̸ ̷f̶o̸r̴ ̸b̵u̷s̴i̷n̴e̶s̶s̸ ̸n̷—̶,̵ ̴a̸r̶e̷ ̵y̶—̸?̷”
“Pardon? Are you calling on business? If there is an issue of importance, please contact another member of the House, or, if applicable, you may find a missive more appropriate.”
“...”
“My deepest apologies. I will see to this malfunction with all haste. I pray this does not cause significant disruption.”
“...”
“Ah, now who might have the expertise…”