I Can't Write Anymore

“Have you decided what you’ll write about yet?” I turn around as I hear my brother ask me this. “You know, you were going to do that whole ‘write a whole novel by the end of the month’ challenge. Or did that grand plan change by now?”

I sigh, before answering him. “No, I still plan on doing it… I just don’t know what I’ll write about. It’s way too difficult to come up with something on the spot… It’s almost annoying really, I usually have lots of ideas, but right now, absolutely nothing.” I turn back to the monitor. “If only I could use the stories I’ve already written, you know…”

“That’s just the rules of the challenge, sis. But why not write another fanfic? You have written tons of those, shouldn’t be too hard to come up with something again.” I can sense him teasing me. Sure I’ve written a lot of those in the past, but usually because of my dreaming about this or that actor… I hate to admit it, but it’s true. “At least you never wrote a story about sparkly vampires.” Oh sure, laugh all you want.

“No… I want to write something serious. I’ve made my mistakes in the past, but I want to write a completely serious story this time. I just… have no idea about what yet.” I turn back to my monitor. Lines upon lines of ideas I really didn’t find appropriate covering most of the window on my screen. “I mean, listen to this. Most of my ideas boil down to ‘hero saving the girl’, or ‘heroine saving the boy’. How… how did I end up with this train of thought? ‘Space marine finds out his wife is kidnapped’. Or this, ‘Princess kidnapped by dragon’.”

“Could be worse, sis. I recall you writing similar stories before… With you being the princess or the one doing the saving. And the hero or guy you’re saving being whatever famous actor you were in to at the time.” He laughs, and unfortunately narrowly dodges the pillow I flung at his head. But he’s right… That is mostly the majority of my stories, isn’t it…? I’ve changed since then, but my writing has slowed down… I’d blame school, or perhaps my summer job, but it’s obviously I’ve just lost my drive to write.

“Well, I’ll leave you be. I know when I’m not welcome… You have just a few more days until it begins, though. Good luck, heh.” And as promised, he leaves my room. This is all so frustrating though. I do not have any ideas to go on right now, and I feel that if I would start writing, that I would simply end up quitting after the first day, with the chance of actually having some words written being a resolute zero.

Most everyone I know online seems to be doing this challenge, though… And with me being the resident writer, everyone expects of me to finish it. It’s ‘just fifty thousand words’ they say. I don’t have a story, no ideas, no basic premise, no main character… and not a clue what to do about it. It’s all so frustrating.

Perhaps I should write a story about some fantastic adventure. Something that will doesn’t have a clear ending. I could just continue writing about the same characters on the same journey… It’s an idea, but one of many I cannot continue. If only for the simple reason of having no idea what the adventure or journey would be about. What would the reasons be that the characters are journeying? What would drive them to continue this journey? Where would they come from? What is the world about? Are there monsters, or is the problem politics? Both?

Each time I have a single idea, my mind floods with questions like that. I have no idea what I can do about it. I’d like to have a clear idea, even if it’s just like… a minor thing, like a monster to defeat or perhaps some problem to overcome. If I just… have that… Maybe I can write something around it…?

One of the programs on my taskbar flashes. A friend of mine, asking me… what… I’m going to write about. He is one of many… and I only wish I had the answer. Doubt is once more clouding my mind. I simply have no idea what I could possibly write about. It’s strange. Whenever someone pops online to do start a bit of roleplaying, I can always come up with something on the spot. Yet when it comes to writing an actual story… I don’t know.

“Honey? You’re going to miss the bus!” Aw crap. I don’t have time to feel sorry for myself right now. I haven’t eaten breakfast yet and I… actually still even need to get dressed. Tough that’s one quick change. I know some girls in my class literally take hours to get ready, putting on makeup and touching up their hair and what not. I honestly don’t care, just one quick brush is enough for me. And as for clothing, if the jeans are clean and they fit, they’ll be worn. Simple as that. Just grab a random shirt and heading downstairs.

Some of my friends call me a nerd. When I wake up, I sit behind a computer. When I’m at school, I sit behind a computer. When I come home, running to my computer is the first thing I do. Plenty of websites to see, friends to talk to, messages to post… Being on the internet is serious business, after all.

So is getting to school, unfortunately, and if I don’t hurry up I’ll miss the bus. Fortunately mom had anticipated me being slow, as I can see a bowl of cereal ready to be eaten. Of course, it’s not because I happen to be late every morning or anything. That’s just crazy talk. Still, I properly thank my mother for setting up this fast meal by giving her a kiss on the cheek and consequently running out to catch the bus.

Fortunately, I managed to catch it just in time. As always, my brother has saved me a seat by sitting next to girls he attempts to flirt with. Since the girls always get up and move elsewhere, there’s always an empty seat for me. He groans at the umpteenth failed attempt, but I’m just happy to sit. The bus can get pretty crowded at times, and standing for the few kilometers to school isn’t exactly my favorite means of travelling.

My brother and I go to a fairly normal high school. Just a simple community college or whatever it’s called. I’m in my final year, yet my brother’s still a freshman. I skipped a year, and my brother was held back one. It’s a bit ironic. Despite my claims that it’s normal and simple, I think the system is a bit off, compared to other high schools. But I really don’t care.

Classes are boring and it’s usually easy anyway. I personally go to school not to learn, but to chat with my friends. We’re a small but cozy group. There’s actually a funny story behind our group. You see, we all met in an online game… and it wasn’t until later that we all realized we went to the same school. It was the biggest coincidence of my life, and one that I’m very happy with. They say it’s easier to talk to your online friends, and well, our little group proves that to be exactly true.

You know, thinking about it… What if I based the characters of my story on my friends and myself? Maybe write a story about what we have done in the game? I should probably ask them… Maybe they have some ideas of their own that I could use. I’ll ask them when I get to school. What’s on today’s roster anyway… Math, IT, Homeroom… That’s odd, just those three classes? “You got an odd look on your face there, sis.”

“Ah! Uh... yeah. I’m wondering what’s up with today’s roster. It doesn’t seem to make much sense…” This is the latest version right…? Yeah, internet on my phone confirms it, this is the latest. “Did I miss some memo about having classes off or something?” Oh crap. He’s laughing.

“You seriously forgot! How can you forget the school dance? You were psyched about it last week! We don’t have class for half the day due to preparations…” Ah! Right! It completely slipped my mind, but today is the dance… “So, who’s the lucky guy you’re going with?”

This was the moment I laughed at him. “Silly, I’m not going. I was psyched about it because it meant one LONG DAY OF GAMING! I need to hook up with the others and see if we can finally get that guild quest going…” Wait, that look on his face isn’t a good one.

“You do realize that it is essentially mandatory?” Buh? “Yeah, you can go and make funny sounds all you wish, but it’s still mandatory for you guys. The lower classes can totally be a no show, but you guys need to be there. So wave your plans good bye… At least you still have a few hours off from school?”

Crap. As the bus approaches the school, my cheery demeanor has been obviously shifted into an annoyed one. A mandatory school dance? Who comes up with such insanity? But he’s right. The moment he mentioned it, I recalled the teacher saying that. “Look like you’re not looking forward to tonight.”

“No, Matt. I’m not. I had hoped to get some gaming in tonight, and then I remembered this damn dance is forced on us.” He winks at me and nods me over to the computer room. “Uh… what is it? We don’t have class until the second perio-“

“Just get in here already.” Okay, whoa. The entire room is darkened and there’s some high end machines standing there. “Down girl, you’re drooling.” Aw crap, I am? “IT class is theoretic only today. I know, it’s boring as heck, but just sit through it… And get your gear from home later. Because you see, we have no intention of going to the dance either. We just need to show up on time and leave after a certain time. No need to actually be in the gathering halls.”

“…You guys… have set up a LAN PARTY IN HERE?!” He just nods at me. I think I’m smiling from side to side. “This is so great! Now we actually CAN get some gaming in tonight. Heck yeah!” He’s motioning for me to hush though. I should probably not be so loud, heh…

“Just don’t tell anyone. We got permission from the principal and the teachers, but it was ‘as long as it’s just 10 or so people’. There’s about 8 people, so we met that requirement. I assume you’re going to tell your brother, but also pass along that he needs to get his mouth shut.” I nod. My bro’s cool though, he won’t tell anyone else… I hope. “Anyway, just get through class for now.”

“Alright, talk to you later, Matt.” I wave at him and the other guys in the room as I leave it. He mentioned 8 people, though. Then those other guys are probably the other half. I wonder why he chose not to inform me until now. Ah, crap, the bell’s ringing. Better get to class.