Feelings

“So… what made you be able to get your flames going?” Gokudera looked away from his book to peer over at the girl sitting across from him. Alessia was staring at the maroon box in her hands with idle interest, but he knew she’d been doing this for over an hour now. 

“Resolve.”

“Yeah, I know. But what exactly does that mean-“ Gokudera had gone back to his book, pushing his glasses up on his nose. Ale found herself gulping. 

Dio mio, was that legal? The Gokudera she knew did also look good in glasses, but NOT LIKE THAT. It was so much for her to take in, but she had to endure it. Until Lambo’s bazooka got fixed, she was stuck here…. stuck with a model version of her maybe-boyfriend, who she was slowly being aware was not doing well.

“The hell I know! Just think of what makes you fight, Ale!” The nickname came out of the man’s mouth before he could register, and he froze. There was a tense silence and the storm guardian refused to look at the girl across from him. Alessia herself was staring in shock at the man in front of her, mind swirling with questions.

“When… when did you start calling me that?” She was surprised that her voice was almost a whisper. The man stayed silent, but she could see the tightened grip on his book. So, he wasn’t going to answer, was he? Well-

“Gah, the hell are you doing?!” Alessia had clambered across the coffee table to stare at the man, eyes filled with determination. She looked over his face carefully, watching his eyes specifically. There was current anger there to be sure, but… something deeper was hiding in there, a sort of darkness that had never been present when they were teenagers.

“Gokudera Hayato…. what happened?” The use of his full name made him pause, but he was more shaken by the tone of her voice. She now looked at him with concern, maybe even pity. There was something fucked up about the teen version of his lover doing that to him.

It pissed him off.

“Nothing, annoying woman! Go back to your fucking box!” He was tempted to shove her, but Alessia only clutched the table’s edge harder.

“I’ll keep being annoying til you tell me what’s going on! You’ve been so cold, and, and cagey!” Cagey was not a word anyone would use for the Vongola’s Storm Guardian, and yet it was what Alessia had been seeing. The only reason he was even IN the same room as her was because a very older and concerned Tsuna had ushered her in while the man was reading. 

“I don’t have anything to say to you-“

“YES YOU DO!” They both were surprised at the volume, and Alessia realized she was close to crying, “I… I just can’t… I can’t stand being ignored by you…! D-did we fight, is that it? Are-are we even friends anymore…?!” She felt her lip wobbling, and wanted to slap herself. The man was staring at her with a wounded expression before his eyebrow furrowed and he looked away.

The silence that followed was deafening.

“…. Shot.”

Alessia’s face faltered.

“W-what-“

“You were fucking shot, okay?! In the damned head! I was RIGHT. FUCKING. THERE.” He gritted through his teeth. All the breath seemed to suddenly leave her, but the man wasn’t paying attention to her. It was almost like he wasn’t even in the room anymore.

“We were having our FUCKING anniversary, and you… you were smiling, and then-“ He sucked in a breath, feeling the panic settling into his bones again, “Blood, so much fucking blood…. it was everywhere, on everything-“ He hadn’t realized he was clutching his hands together so hard until a softer, smaller pair did their best to enclose them. He finally looked up, not even realizing that his eyes were murky with unshed tears. Alessia was watching him carefully, so clearly shaken but all her attention was on him. That alone made the man finally break down and he pulled her to him, gripping her like she was the only thing keeping him tethered to reality. 

Alessia slowly brought her hands around him, her own emotions at a fever pitch. The idea of being shot was scary enough, but the fact that her future self was quite possibly dead scared her more than anything else. What the hell was going on? Was that why everyone kept looking at her so oddly, like she could disappear at any moment?! She felt her own tears piling up once again and the two devolved into a silent crying fest. 

Alessia couldn’t tell you how long it was until her sniffles subsided, or Gokudera’s breathing went back to normal. Had it been an hour, or just a few minutes; she couldn’t tell you. The little she could remember of her time in the future was that Gokudera may have brushed a kiss to her forehead, and looked at her with a gentleness she had NEVER expected from him. 

The only thing that she really did remember was a familiar puff of smoke, sending her back into the past with muddled memories and a sinking feeling that she’d forgotten something important. 

--

“Goku…. dera…” The man was silent as he took a piece of the woman’s hair to his lips. Feeling his cheeks burn from the tears that had come out. He felt raw, but that wasn’t his prime concern right now. His arms gripped the hospital gown firmly, and he began to scoop the frail woman up into his arms. 

“You’re dreaming, Ale…. go back to sleep.” He murmured, making sure her head was nestled into the crook of his neck. He could see the bandages covering her head out of the corner of his eye and this time, he shoved those emotions back down as far as he could. He stood up slowly and left his book forgotten to carry his wife back to their bed… and her IV. 

“Hayato…. were you crying… ?” A shaking hand touched his cheek, and he closed his eyes, not wanting her to see him like this. He wanted- no, needed to be strong right now. She frowned at his lack of response, though the weariness in her bones made her head lull easily against his collarbone. Tired, so tired…

“It’s okay if you… need to cry, Hayato.” He bit his lip, keeping his eyes forward as he silently strode through the halls of the mansion. 

“I’ll cry when this is all over, Ale… then you can lecture me about it.” That seemed to put the recovering woman’s mind at enough ease that she closed her eyes.