All Thats Lost
She hated hospitals. She’d seen more than enough of them for a lifetime. Yet here she was again, forced to face the smell of disinfectant and the constant beep of the monitors surrounding them. Yet, despite the grim circumstances they were here under, it was somehow still, a comfort, knowing they were safe, at least, for now. Yet it wouldn’t save them. From the pain. From the hurt. The emotional toll had already been taken.
Nancy pulled her daughter together against her as they both remained lax in the hospital bed they made their comfort zone. They had made their escape from Lanshiang, they were safe from the hoard, and they knew the BSAA would talk care of the problem. Yet so much was left behind.
Looking down at the small figure cradled in her lap, Nancy struggled to hold back tears as she thought, as she remembered all that had happened in such a short period of time. They had always been so close. But now? She was all her daughter had left. This broken shell of woman built on her failure to protect her family. But there wasn’t time for self-loathing. Amilia needed her. Her dearest child needed her mother. And she wasn’t the only one.
A soft knock at the door finally drew Nancy’s gaze from her child’s face as she raised her head to face another. A man she took comfort in despite all the madness and suffering the both had been through.
Nancy smiled weakly as Leon gazed at her softly, clearly happy to see both girls alive and safe after their grim separation in Lanshiang. “Nevada told me you’d be here,” he started, approaching somewhat hesitantly at first, “I hope I’m not disturbing you.”
Nancy straightened herself up slightly, pulling herself to sit up while doing her best not to disturb her daughter. She smiled, wiping her eyes for a moment to make sure they were clear. She hadn’t noticed the tears that had been desperately trying to form in her eyes until just then.
“No, not at all,” She stuttered, pulling her daughter closer she turned slightly to face Leon. “Quite the contrary, you’re a sight for sore eyes love.”
Leon smiled, pulling a chair closer to the bed, taking a seat next to them. His gaze left Nancy for a moment to look over Amilia. The young girl was out cold, a well-deserved rest seeing how exhausted she must have been from the hell she had been subject to. He reached a hand up to gently stroke her hair, pushing it from her face and smiling at the comfort that graced it under the dirt and cuts that covered her. “How is she doing?” He questioned, his eyes never moving from the child.
“She’ll survive.” Nancy took a moment to stroke her daughters face in a manner than mirrored Leon, gazing at her lovingly for a moment before glancing back towards Leon, “We both will.”
Leon nodded silently, reassured by Nancy’s statement. He continued to look at the child, but soon shifted his attention back towards Nancy. His gaze was more serious, more concerned than before, his hand finding her own, caressing it in a careful and almost apologetic way. He remained silent for a while, unsure of how to continue, and terrified to hear the answer to the question he was so desperate to ask. Not for his sake, of course, for her own. But he had to know. “What about Sean?”
He kept his gaze hard on Nancy as he watched her expression fall. He was surprised when her expression remained a light smile, yet the shadow that had cast itself over her face, the emptiness in her eyes as she struggled to maintain her composure, the furrow that crossed her brow. It was all the answer he needed. And yet, he knew she needed to say it. Not for him, but for herself.
“Leon he…” Nancy swallowed as she struggled to speak inhaling sharply as she attempted to finish her sentence, the tears she had been fighting back for so long finally starting to fall from her eyes. But she didn’t let it stop her. “He didn’t make it”.
Nancy couldn’t believe how difficult it was to admit. She knew it would hurt, it had been hurting, but the admission of it made everything all the worse. She struggled for a moment, yet a sudden fit of restlessness struck her. She hugged Amilia tightly for a moment, but soon shifted to stand, laying the child back down on the bed on her own, making sure she was safe and secure. Her last responsibility. Her most important responsibility.
“Nancy…” Leon began, standing in reaction to her own sudden movement. He wanted to be there for her, but her reservations were obvious. She was broken, sacred confused. She would never admit it though. He approached her slowly, but watched her tense at his presence, causing him to retreat slightly as she gazed out the room window into the dark.
Nancy shook her head in regret as she spoke, her eyes never leaving the darkness, “I should have done something more.” She began swallowing hard as she continued, the tears moving from her eyes as she convulsed, “I was right there. I had every opportunity to help him, but I ran. I took her and I ran. My own daughter watched me abandon her father, I should have...”
It was in that moment that Leon’s concern, his love for this woman overpowered his reservations about their relationship. He abruptly approached her, taking her into his arms as she listened to her choke back her tears. “Nancy, there was nothing you could have done, “ his voice was low and calm as he spoke, pulling her head close into his chest, feeling her arms snake around him tightly as she huffed. Nancy could hear him choking back his own tears as he held her, but was unable to muster the strength to say anything. “You did what you had to for your daughter, both of you did.”
Nancy knew he was right, but the sadness… it wouldn’t go away. She didn’t know how to get rid of it. She could barely even find the worlds to speak. And so, she continued to listen to his words, comforted by his heartbeat and the feeling of his head atop her own. “all he wanted was to protect his family.” Leon continued, stroking her back, “and his love for you was greater than his fear of dying.” The way Leon spoke made it sound like he was talking from experience. In a way, he was. He had come to realize that, through every situation they had been thrust into, through every hell they had been subjected to… he understood that no matter which fears or reservations plagued him, he would never hesitate to give everything for the sake of Amilia. For the sake of Nancy. He it was because of that which he understood Sean’s sacrifice. Because he knew him, just like he knew Nancy would do the same.
The pair of them stood there for a while longer, holding onto the silence. Nancy knew Leon was right. She knew because she felt the same. She knew she could do the same. But she wasn’t willing to let anyone else go. She wasn’t going to sacrifice anyone she loved again. And it was because of that, as they began to pull apart, that Nancy refused to let go. Leon glanced down at her, a teary smile upon his face, mirroring Nancy’s own as she spoke, “Don’t leave please.” She pleaded, desperate to hang on to all she had left.
Leon held tightly to Nancy, understanding of her pleas. The two gazed at one another for a moment, silence among the terror of their lives. After what seemed like an eternity, Leon leaned down, ever so slowly, as the two shared a desperate kiss, holding tight to one another once more. This was all the response Nancy needed. They both knew, that for all that was lost, so much more could be found.