Scar Tissue

After Rhapsody had left the Exiles, she had never expected to come back. She didn't want to. There were too many horrible memories here, all of them involving people and things that she hated. She didn't hate everyone in the Exiles, but there was a fair few that she did. Luckily she had yet to run into Valentino. Although, one person she had been hoping to run into had never showed up. Thus, Rhapsody had resorted to going in search of her.
It felt like yesterday that Absinthe had groomed Rhapsody's face and explained to her what love meant, then asked if Rhapsody loved her. Of course, Rhapsody said yes. The little pregnant fox recited the conversation word for word in her head as she slowly made her way up the stairs of the prison. "I think we could grow something between us, Rhap." ... "Like tomatoes?" ... "No, a romance." ... "I've never had a romance before. Does it make the tomatoes grow better?" ... "No, Rhap, there are no tomatoes. A romance is when two people love each other. Do you love me? I love you." ... "Of course I love you, Abbi."
And then she was gone. Rhapsody had never seen Absinthe again. She'd left her for Maxine, and then when she came back... it was like Rhapsody had never even existed. She didn't blame Ghoulian, or Abbi. Rhapsody had pitted all of the blame on Maxine. Abbi never would have left her if it wasn't for Maxine.
The little red fox knew the way to Abbi's nest by heart. She could have found it sleepwalking. Standing in the doorway, Rhapsody's stomach turned a bit to see it mostly undisturbed. Abbi's stale scent touched her nose. It'd been a while since Abbi had died, but she supposed that no one had come to claim this room yet. Maybe the Exiles were still waiting for her to come home too.
Rhapsody's coal black paws trembled as she turned a slow circle in the center of the room. "No one's ever called me pretty before, Rhap." ... "Well, I think you're pretty." She was pretty. Abbi was the prettiest tiger to ever live. But now she was gone. Rhapsody didn't have any big strong Abbi tigers to take care of her anymore. Maybe she wouldn't be in such a predicament if she had had one.
"Are all tigers as soft and cuddly as you?" ... "No, I don't think so. But I haven't met many tigers. The last tiger I met broke my heart." Abbi had been the softest, cuddliest tiger. All the others were mean. And Abbi as gone. Why did Abbi have to go when all the other tigers were mean but she wasn't?
Slowly, Rhapsody lowered herself into Abbi's nest and breathed in the musty, stale smell. "I won't leave you, Rhap. Go to sleep." ... "But you did." The soft words escaped Rhapsody's lips before she could stop them. Absinthe was gone. Why did Absinthe have to go? Mean people got love. Maxine got love... Kukiko got love... Valentino got love. Nice people got love too. Freya and Atlas loved each other. Enjolras and Kira loved each other. Why was Rhapsody so different? Was she broken? Was that why everything bad happened to her?
Hot tears welled in Rhapsody's eyes. Of all the nice things in the world, why did Abbi have to go? She'd give up anything to have Abbi back. Rhapsody would never make another tapestry again. She'd give Valentino all of her babies. She'd give away the picture her father had drawn of himself and Xena.
But Abbi wouldn't have chosen her. Abbi would have chosen Ghoulian. Crushing thoughts crept into Rhapsody's mind. When Abbi had come back, she'd chosen Ghoulian. Abbi had never wanted her.
Rhapsody couldn't swallow the sore, burning lump in her throat. She gathered the blankets closer to her and watched her tears drip and make stains in the delicate fabric. The blanket still smelled a bit fresh from when Rhapsody had done laundry that one time.

This was pointless. Everything was pointless. Fuck everything. How could this have happened to her? What had she done wrong to get this? Her heart hurt and she didn't know why as Rhapsody rested her chin on her soft black paws. Maybe if she laid still long enough, the universe would pity her. But they'd come looking for her to take her back to her cell. Rhapsody closed her eyes as tight as she could, choking on a sob. Maybe if she didn't see them, they couldn't drag her away.