The Living Room

War raged, battlefields covered in blood. Viper's soft face was buried into a mousey grey lynx's shoulder. The taller male's blood pooled, covering Viper's soft fluff in sticky red. Above Viper's sniffling, choking sobs was a quiet lullaby. Viper's vision was so unfocused and blurry, dark around the edges. Everything was distant and murky, until suddenly, the soft lullaby grew softer and softer until, in one long breath, it died away. Viper gripped the male tighter, not letting go. Never letting go.

His memories faded until a soft spring morning, with sounds of plants rustling. Viper's vision was only clear because of his glasses. He traced around the edge of some crops to a hollowed out log. Slipping inside, the serval curled down around a newborn kitten. The den smelled milky and warm, padded with blankets. His perfect little secret. Viper pressed a soft kiss against the grey head, murmuring loving praises to the baby as he nursed. Viper's head shot up at a call from across the field. Carefully, he pulled himself away from his little spotted grey baby and whispered an apology. Slipping back through the log, Viper trotted away, glancing back to the den until he couldn't see it in the leaves any longer. You're leaving him to die, he'll die like the rest. nagging thoughts lingered in his mind. "Shut up." He whispered, to no one in particular. "He will live."

The next memory had left the soft green behind. Viper's paws were muddy and sore. His neck hurt from carrying his baby lynx kitten in his jaws through miles and miles of rain. They made you leave because you're worthless. You couldn't save him because you're worthless. As soon as Viper passed one ghostly grey lynx shadow, another appeared. He'd resorted to ignoring them and staring straight ahead. It was useless telling them to go away, they didn't go away. Days faded into blackened nights and the rain never stopped, but neither did Viper's walking. Not until he turned and trampled down a soft patch of long grass into a nest. He laid his baby at his side and gave the little kitten a thorough grooming. Viper rested his chin on his paws, staring at the kitten with half lidded eyes. His baby, his only love.

His baby grew to pad along beside Viper, never leaving his side. His eyes were bright hazel and his grey spotted fur was thick and fluffy. He ran ahead and brought back a pretty leaf, presenting it to Viper. "Mama, gift." He chirped, blocking Viper's path until he accepted the leaf. "Very good gift, love. Find me another? Matching ones?" Away the kitten went, coming back with another leaf. One day, he'll run away like that and never come back to you. He will leave you. He will hate you. He will want you dead. Viper stared at his little baby as the child ran off again to catch another falling leaf. Dark shadows collected in the trees. "Em, love, come back. Now. Please. Right now." Viper's voice grew increasingly panicky as hundreds upon hundreds of eyes rested upon his son, his light, his only baby boy. "Em, now!" He raced forward to pull the spotted kitten back by the scruff. "But mama, why, there isn't anything there!" The kitten wailed. The darkness engulfed everything, leaving nothing untouched.

Em's breathing was raspy and harsh in Viper's ear. The second to fall sick in his group. "If you don't get away from him, you'll catch it too, Viper." Maxine's voice was cold. "I'm not leaving him." Viper insisted, pressing closer to his son. He pressed kisses to Em's delicate head. "He's still just a baby, he can't fight this alone." Viper whispered, shaking his head. Max snorted. "He's nearly a year old. He's a little rude bitch, he'll be okay." Viper closed his eyes tight. She's right, you failed him. Viper pressed his face into Em's neck fluff. Viper sang softly to him into the night until, in one soft breath, the rasping died away into nothing. Viper laid there, unmoving until Em was freezing cold, holding tight to his only baby, his only Isaac, his light. Never letting go.

Thunder rolled. Viper had buried his son, his baby, his only light alone. His paws were muddy and dirt was stuck between his claws. Dirt smudged his glasses, but his vision was so blurred by tears, it didn't matter anymore. "We're in deep fucking shit, Frenchman." Maxine's voice made him lift his head. "We need a fix for this. We could pillage another group." She paced. Viper wiped his eyes to clear them of the battle scene raging in his mind. "No, I'll fix it." He promised. Max snorted. "How're you going to get money? Are you going to sell Em's corpse? Better start fucking digging, Frenchman." She grumbled scornfully. Viper's ears laid back against his head. "Oh, shut up! I've got myself, haven't I?" He lashed his tail at Max's reply. "Like anyone would want anyone as broken as you. You're like me, French, broken inside, outside and all around. Unlovable. Get fucking used to it." She snapped, stalking away. She's right.

Visions of Clans, so brief they didn't stick. Visions of men Viper barely knew, nights he would never fully remember. His glasses got progressively more and more broken until the familiar desert appeared in front of them. "Well, I've got drugs and I can suck dick pretty good, so I could probably be of some use to ya. I cook too." Viper's soft features held a smile as he stared at the bewildered Exilers. They mumbled amongst themselves until they nodded, reluctantly accepting, bleeding into Viper's cold first night in his cell.

Always a fake smile, always ignoring the nagging thoughts, always looking straight ahead never letting go, until their eyes met. Red oculars behind pink frames, dripping, soft voice, the warmest fur. "My cell, tonight." No internal objection.

A meal every morning, perfectly prepared, set by the door and coming back later to collect the empty plate. No objection. Leading to gentle grooming sessions and softly whispered compliments, always in secret, always ending in the morning. Until a soft, sweet cry broke that. Viper would take care of her, his paws gentle as he secured his light, his love, his only world's larger paws around the baby fox. "No, no, don't hold her like that, you'll hurt her little back, there you go. Perfect. You're doing so good. So, so good." Not his, not their's, but close enough. He'd take what he could get. Employee instead of lover was good enough for him, he wasn't picky. Sure, she'd grow up to hate him, but so had Em. That was how it worked. Unlovable, get used to it.

Until he was gone. One day, he had just never come home. Viper watched his baby pace, frustrated and alone. He wished she would let him comfort her, but he was met with harsh words. They hurt the same way, but she couldn't see it. Perhaps she was too young. She will never, ever love you. He will never, ever come home to you.

He was supposed to hate him. Viper was supposed to loath the male after his kiss of death. But he didn't. He couldn't bring himself to stop making breakfast every morning, to stop watching him from afar. He was too perfect for Viper to forget. But everything kept looping in his mind over and over and over again, darker and darker and darker until--

"Hi, you. I missed you tons. I stayed alive to make you breakfast tomorrow. I love you." Viper's voice was weak with pain and exhaustion. His thoughts bled together until he couldn't remember the day or how long he had spent curled up against his dark grey panther's side, listening to the gentle lullaby on loop, never ever letting go of the pawful of deep grey fluff. Slowly the darkness moved away until he opened his pinky hued eyes to meet red ones. "My light, my love, my whole world." He laughed softly, tears pricking his eyes. He didn't realize the stricken look in those beautiful red eyes. Viper pressed his nose gently to the soft chin. As his tears dripped down his cheeks, he felt the memories slowly start to shift. They were warm, like the beautiful flecked fur he was cuddled against. The warm, mildly alcoholic scent carried throughout them. The warm, commanding, but beautiful voice entangled the horrific memories. They felt less distant and lonely. Em would be proud of you. He loved you. Isaac loved you, I love you. Please get better so I don't have to cook anymore. I hate it. I miss you. Please come home.

Viper opened his eyes once more and stared into the red hued ones. "I'm sorry."

"Why?"

"Because I'm fucked up and you have to deal with it."

"If I wanted to go, I would have, don't be stupid."

That was good enough. Viper wasn't picky. "What do you want for breakfast tomorrow?"

"The usual, I guess." The voice sounded tired.

"Have you slept?"

"No."

"Because of me?"

Silence. Viper raised his head and rasped his tongue over the panther's ears. "Shhh, sleep, you need to. You need your sleep so you can keep dazzling me with your beauty every time I see you." He whispered.

The two of them sighed softly at the same time. "Goodnight. I love you." Viper's voice was quiet.

A moment of pause. "Goodnight. I love you."