[RM]Thinking deeper[Siera X Matu RP]

Matu

Matu had been keeping mostly to himself. He still fulfilled his duties to the coalition, but he didn't take as much joy in those activities as he once had. He was training to be a priest. Solaris was his mentor and the serval had encouraged him to rediscover the light within himself before trying to spread that light to others. It seemed that others had taken notice of his darkening demeanor. 

He was not yet an adult, and yet already towered over full grown lions. For a leopard, it was unheard of, but Matu wasn't entirely leopard. His mother was they leopon queen of Haramu. He was her wayward son. To all that would listen she would tell them that Matu had been stolen away by the Mwangan cult. At first, the accusation and name calling had infuriated him. She hated him for his resemblance to her father, an evil melanistic leopard. And yet when he left, that's when she had decided she wanted him back with her? The idea had made him scoff on several occasions. 

His mood had only darkened since Hewa and Upepo were found to be cannibals and grave robbers. Of everyone in Mwanga, he had been closest to them... And they had only been using him. It made him both sad and angry to think about it, so he tried not to. Instead, he turned his attention to doing something Solaris had not told him to do, greeting newcomers. He knew what it felt like to be an outcast, and he didn't want anyone else to feel that way. He wanted everyone who joined Mwanga to feel a sense of belonging, even if he nolonger did. 

Siera

Today was a great day for once. The pale lioness had catch an antelope witch was perfect as the food pile was becoming quite thin. The prey on her back Siera trotted hapilly to put it down amongst the few other that had been hunted. As the female had deposit the precious package she streched out fastly to warm down her muscle. Walking away, wagging her tail for the first time since she arrived the lioness could be find humming some simple unknowed tunes she had heard. Her rogue life had given her the opportunity to visit a wide variety of territories including totally different flora and fauna. The birds were the best, she always loved to be woke up by them in the morning. 

For sure the prey she had brought today was quite big compared to usual but it was needed. Siera had spent the last two days away from the coalition to take some time for herself. A very nice mud bath, some silence and some crunchy bugs for dinner helped her put her head back on track. With a pelt shinning and blinding with the sun she felt confident in her skin once again. The pale lioness lied down on a rock a bit away from the main camp, more precisely her favorite rock. If you ever needed to find her quickly this rock is the first place you need to go. 

The nice day was a good opportunity to think about herself and her future. Siera had been tossing away those stressing thoughs for a small while now. Joigning this coalition had a lot of great and bad points but was fear strong enough to beat her wish to finally find a place to call home? For sure the lioness wouldn't make friends with most of her companions but from afar she could already tell who would be a nice add into her life. On another side she would have to work twice as hard to keep her healthy shape. Let's not forget just opening in general... What if she couldn't open up to the others? It was quite an hard decision to make indeed... 

Matu

It wasn't long before the pale lioness caught his eye. It was hard not to notice her. She was new, her pelt was bright against the dark stone most of the dens were made of. He waited several moments before approaching her, unsure as to whether he should or not. Finally he decided that he should. The lioness had been with Mwanga for a while, Matu wasn't sure exactly how long though. He hadn't been as perceptive as he normally was... Still, it wasn't very good manners for him to not have introduced himself yet. 

He padded over on large, silent paws. "Hello."he said, his voice deep and booming. His voice along with his body seemed as though they would better fit someone older than the nearly 3-year old second generation hybrid. His eyes were a rich forest green, and they were fixed firmly on her. His expression was a mix of reserved and welcoming. As a cub he had been quite energetic and friendly, but he had mellowed significantly as he grew older. 

"Are things going well for you here in Mwanga?"he asked, hoping that she was feeling at home. Changing places had been difficult for him, but he'd heard that was not the case with everyone. He had at least had some people he know here. Meltem, for one. And Kit had almost joined... Matu wasn't exactly sure why he hadn't... Then again there had been something going on between him and Meltem, or so he had heard. Regardless, Matu had also known several senior Mwanga members. Hewa, and Upepo, Iris and Cleotus had all helped him make the decision to join them. As he inspected the pale lioness, he wondered what had convinced her to come here out of all the other prides and coalitions in the area. 

Siera

The territory was quite nice, a mix of both world between forest and savana. The lioness had went through most possible biomes but there was always something missing: the home feeling. One day she had it but sadly the other coalition members weren't in the same opinion. A bright lion in a leopard group situated in a dark forest wasn't good. They were nice too but once she over heard the discussions behind her back the female had made sure to continu her way. Here was a big mix of felines and personalities thats one thing she really enjoyed about it. Still the fear of rejection was always in the back of her mind. The anxiety of never fitting in or not be as productive as the leader thought she would be. Siera was pressuring herself like crazy for little details that some people wouldn't think about but it is how she was. Having never lived amongts other before made her stress about nothing and everything. 

As a big black leopard approach the pale lioness smiled. '' Hey! Yoru! '' She started with a loud voice before realizing her big mistake. The bright female winced and bit her tongue. Such a dumb thing to say but at the same time that leopard looked like the one friend she once had. '' I....I am really sorry you look like someone i once knew'' She apologize. '' Everyone is very nice compared to most feline groups i have stumbled across during my lifetime'' She finished while bowing. Siera never was a people person and she had let the only one looking like her previous friend catch her off guard. Daydreaming never been good for her always saying wrong stuff when her head is in the clouds. An error that she would make sure that it never happen again. The lioness didnt even dared to look at the leopard, looking at the ground keeping her bow game strong. Ruinning a chance like that for something stupid was not in her schedule. 

Matu

Yoru? The question popped into his head. Who was Yoru? He had never met someone that looked like him, but was somewhat comforted when she explained the confusing greeting. "Oh, no worries. My name is Matu, by the way." he explained. He was surprisingly unfazed by the mix up. He had only ever been confused for his grandfather before... his mother's father. But he was probably dead by now, or at least really old. He hoped he was old and decrepit and suffering. He deserved that much. 

Her words made him smile. "I am glad you find it so. Every pride has its hiccups, but Mwanga seems to have a resilient way of bouncing back. Kimungu sends us challenges to we may overcome then and grow, after all." he mused, thinking of one of Solaris' favorite mantras. Then, noting the way she carried herself... and the fact that she was staring at the ground, he added,"There's no need to turn away-" here he opted not to add the 'child' part that Solaris always did. Matu may have been training to be a priest, but the idea of calling those around him, especially those around his age or older, children made him uncomfortable. "-it was an honest mistake and no harm has been done." 

He took some time to look at her. From how she looked, he figured that she must have been mistreated in her past. She wasn't holding eye contact so something had made her see herself as lesser or unworthy... and the way she had described Mwanga in comparison to other prides she had encountered made him believe the other prides had been cruel and unwelcoming. This... concerned him. "Are you quite alright?" he asked her, voicing his worries. 

Siera

Siera kept her pose without flinching nor a word, just listening to the speach of the Mwanga member. The deep voice rang male at first in her head before the name Matu went to confirm it. She had been very stupid making some assumptions and at the same time a fool of herself. The speach was quite ressembling the one she had too. Formal and polite was always the best way to talk to anyone in general in the female's opinion. For sure there was some difference between Yoru and that Matu. Yet again the joy of seeing a knowed face for once had taken the control of the lioness body and lead to that horrible mistake. Leopards and black felines where the one thing that was rare in this kind of biome. If it wasn't for her stupid self the female would have taken a closer look at the male. 

Yet again it would have been a bad idea but the curiosity was strong. The word Kimungu caught the attention of Siera, leading her out of her mind. How come everyone would talk about it so often yet she had no idea who it was? By the way the members would talk about it, it sounded like a ruler of some sort. Still, the female wouldn't take any wild guess just like that as it could put herself into really big troubles. The kind words took the pale lioness by surprise. Why was everyone so open and condescending with her? The huntress had learned that too much kindness is suspect, yet there was no sign of any harm or anything around here witch made her wonder much about their intentions. Maybe it was just really pure luck that she had found for once a nice place filled by felines who had their hearts at the right place? Who knew. 

'' Siera is the name'' She answered back with her whispering voice who had made is appearance once again. Quite alright? This was the weirdest question she had heard in quite a while. For sure she was more than fine, she looked fine and acted politely like always. Then why would someone asked her how she felt?

'' I am more than fine. Stomach full, body in perfect condition the only issue would be that im starting to take weight. Im so used to move all day long that lying around most of the day has caught my body off guard. I should train more but other than that i see no problem. How come? Do i have something stuck in my pelt? '' She asked back with a bit of worry as she got back onto her paws to sat down. Althought the desire was there to analyse the appearance of the male she kept her gaze at the ground like she learned to do. Siera had made enough mistakes for the day she couldn't permit herself some more. 

Matu

He listened patiently before offering a sad, yet stern smile. "It's not something in your fur, but rather your eyes." he replied. He was surprised she replied to his question with a list of physical qualifiers rather than mental or emotional ones. It was strange to him, but not necessarily bad... just unexpected. At her weight comment, he had a thought. "If you are looking to train, I'm sure there are those experience in both hunting and fighting who would be willing to lend a paw." he told her. "I may be a priest-to-be, but I trained with one of the best when i was younger." The phrase sounded odd coming from his own mouth. when I was younger ... He wasn't even an adult yet. He felt silly for saying it, but at the same time he felt a lot older than he was. 

"My brother is Sawtooth, slayer of phantoms, sharks, and Terror." he said, elaborating a little while also adding some flair. His bother had slain the monstrous shark known as the Phantom of a water. He had been only a teen at the time and Matu had been a cub under a year old. Mantus hadn't even been two years old then... Now, Matu saying Mantus was the slayer of Terror was sort of a play on words. He of course hadn't slain terror itself as a concept, but rather a giant and very bloodthirsty liger named Teddy who had taken the gladiator name Terror. His brother had killed him, finally putting his spirit to rest, or so they all hoped. 

Back to the point, he added, "So if you ever feel like sparring with a giant almost-leopard, let me know and I'd be happy to oblige." Matu said. He may have looked like a full-blooded albite extremely large leopard, but he was a quarter lion on his mother's side. It was where he got his droopy cheek fluff from. He was happy in at least that regard, he differed from his grandfather's appearance. He turned his attention back to the pale lioness. "So tell me Siera, is there anything I can do for you this fine day?" 

Siera

Her eyes? What could there be in her eyes? The female knew she wasn't going blind and there where no dust as she would have knowed. Even further more how could he have seen them that long to notice a problem when she was looking at the ground? Siera was quite lost once again. The term training seemed to not have been understood well by the fellow feline as he started to talk about fighting but she didn't care. The lioness listen carefully although she was quite lost with the big names. 

Training was and will never be related in fighting for the female. Endurance, speed and precision where the three words she cared about. Hunting was and will ever be her only sphere of work. Siera didn't see the interest in the other fields as she found them useless. Food on another paw was the most important thing for survival. Maybe it was her solitary rogue experience talking but then again she didn't see the goal in those other tasks. "Although i gladly appreciate your offer i do not see any advantage in those nor comprehend who you might be talking about. Training should be done alone as the abilities are yours and not someone else. I will also never seek violence nor fight I am maybe a coward in people eyes but Id rather run away from brute then affront them. '' Started the huntress. 

Help? Why would she need help? The concept of pride and coallition was still new and far away from her soul and habits. It was hard for the female to socialize and even more understand the rites and ceremonies of others when she never experienced life this way. "Not to offend you or anything but i must say i do not understand the demand. " She finished still murmuring as always. 

Matu

Her reaction caused him to raise his brows in confusion. He waited for a moment, collecting himself before deciding how to respond. "Apologies if I have offended you, it was not my intent." he words confused him. Surely even hunters practiced together. One could not fairly judge their own volume and degree of remaining hidden. "The offer still stands, however, if you should require someone to practice hunting techniques as well. Here in Mwanga we are like a family, everyone banding together and helping each other out. No one has to do anything alone." As he spoke, he felt the cold heaviness of guilt growing in his belly. He was of Mwanga, and he felt very much alone. So why was he trying to reassure her? Why couldn't he warn her away, and more importantly, why did he feel so alone? Perhaps he had simply accepted loneliness as a permanent structure in his life... "Pardon?"his confusion returned again at the mention of a demand. He hadn't demanded anything. He wasn't sure how to proceed and so waited for her to clarify her statement. 

Siera

As she gently shook her head from side to side Siera listened carefully. '' Not at all, I am the first to know my place and the big difference gap between my way of living and yours. ''Answered the lioness while thinking a bit on the second sentences said by the male. Family, a word that she didn't know. Theorically sure but practice wise the pale feline was more than clueless. As far as she could remember the only family she ever had was Reoh, whom she got bethray by later on in her life. 

'' No to offend anyone but id rather hunt alone, it is the way I have always done and it will more likely remain like that. Family is a meaning-less word to my person. Helping out others might be more familiar but very faintly life outside is rough and you can only count on yourself.'' She finished whispering while keeping her focus on the ground. The lioness acted like she didnt heard the last question as she knew it would go nowhere but in circles. If she needed help she would have asked. Well not really more likely to have gotten herself out of her troubles all by herself but still. 

Matu

He nodded in understanding. Mwanga had been quite the adjustment from Haramu. And that even had been much different from being a rogue. He tried to remember the few months before Haramu... He must have been very small, and young. A newborn. Honestly, he couldn't remember if his mother had formed Haramu before or after the beasts had attacked... Perhaps it was in the works but not officially formed when he was born... That made the most sense... 

He shook his head, realizing he had gotten lost in thought and quickly turned his attention back to Siera and nodded again. "I understand. And again, apologies for my forwardness. It was rude of me to keep insisting." he told her. He chastised himself for not being more considerate. As a priest in training, it was part of his job to greet newcomers and make sure they were settling in well, but he knew as well as anyone how harmful outside pressures could be. Although it was not quite the same thing, he had tried to change himself to earn his mother's favor... and more similarly, he had witness his own brother's unhappiness at being forced into a role he had not chosen for himself. 

He stood up, "If you do need help with anything or have any questions all you have to do is ask. Any of our pride members will be happy to oblige, until then however, I shall leave you be." He dipped his head politely and turned to start walking away. 

Siera

The lioness chuckled and smiled faintly. "No worries, i know that most people don't understand as every situation is different. Every life as a unique story to it and sometime it's hard to put yourself in another person paw as you never experienced something like they did. I am the first one to be blocked by some of those barriers. '' Shaking slowly her head to remove the ants that where starting to appear in her neck she lift her head a bit only to face the dark feline chest. 

It was now or never to ask any questions she might had. To her eyes the others couldn't care less about her and she felt, in a way threaten by them. Matu on the contrary was quite nice and open. Well maybe not as much as she though, after all she associated him with her previous friend she once had. Both looking quite similar. '' Who's Kimungu? Ive heard his name here and there yet never meeting them She finished in a whisper. 

Matu

Matu was surprised by her question. He figured that would have been one of the first things explained to her before she was brought in as a prospective pride member. "Kimungu is our god. He is the sun. He is light. The great lion to fills us with all that is good and protects us from the darkness that would creep in to fill us up, consume us." he stated. "He watches us and guides us. He tests us, and is proud of us. All in Mwanga follow his guiding light." He paused, taking a minute to look at her. "Is there anything in particular you would like to know?" There were always so many questions regarding the gods. Matu remembered the slew of questions he'd bombarded Solaris with when he had first become the serval's apprentice. Kimungu was the one true god, though other prides and individuals might say there were others. His mother had believed in several gods, but followed none of them. To some the gods were legends, fairy tales, myths. To others, the gods were very real, perhaps even life itself. 

Siera

As the explainations went on and on the brows of the lioness keep growing more and more confused. Gods... One of the thing she never understood. In her heart Siera knew she would follow the people that made her feel welcomed even if she needed to praise some gods and ledgends. But, that spirit sounded different. Someone controlling your life and deciding your path was not only hardcore but heartbreaking. If he protected everyone from the darkness than why did he shattered her more and more as she grew up? For sure testing was something but it had been to a point that some days she wondered why she still fought for her life and not just give up. 

As the pale lioness was quite silent for a moment she got out of her head. She would have asked more but the outcome of her small thinking time was too sad. Siera was just so tired of it that she couldn't care less anymore. '' No not really, why is the point in admiring and following a god if all he does is kill you more and more everyday'' She whispered before getting up on her paws. Turning around and starting to get away from the main camp her destination was just out of this territory. The female felt sick thinking that some people could follow gods like that knowing what they do to them. Real or not Siera wasn't the one who would be able to follow that Kimungu. At least not for now, she needed some time to think about it. 

Matu

He had been expecting a slew of questions, but instead, there was a single whisper. And that was enough to make himself wonder the same thing. He wasn't sure how much he believed in the gods. When he first decided to join Mwanga, he had been a child. He felt shunned by his mother and here was a group of people who were all so warm and welcoming. He'd enjoyed the attention they showed him. He'd craved it. And he had done everything he could to please them. He'd left home, admitted his faults publicly, he'd devoted himself to their god. But how many of them did he actually feel close to? So many had left the coalition. So many had died. But life went on as usual. 

He wanted to believe that her words were just another of Kimungu's tests to him, but wouldn't beleiving that trivialize Siera's entire existence? It wasn't fair to say all her suffering had been to form her beliefs as they were so that she could say that to him right now during this conversation. She had a point. He didn't know everything she had been through, but hadn't she suffered enough? Hadn't he? Hadn't all of them? He was quiet as these thoughts raced through his mind. It was a few moments before he noticed she was turning to leave. "Hey Siera?" he called after her,"Thank you for speaking with me. You've given me a lot to think about." 

Siera

As the tired lioness was walking away she stopped in her walk to turn her head. '' No thanks to you, i have now myself quite a lot to think about. At least i know the real foundation of this coalition'' She said before continuing her way. If the big leopard alike decided to follow her she wouldn't care. He was the first one to be honest and telling her the real thing. Everyone by now had just assume she knew everything. It hurted the female thinking that all her suffering could have been caused by a god. If they did exist why did they do that to her? Didn't she deserved hapiness like everyone else? Apparently not. Would she really join a pride where people believe that all their suffering as been caused by the one they praise? Surely it was not her way to see life.