The Differences

"Hey, Ladybug," Nica says, her voice uncharacteristically hesitant. Leba looks up from her map work. "I think I have a date on Friday."

Leba blinks a couple times. Her gills flare with surprise. It takes her a couple seconds to get her bearings. "A date?" She repeats. "With who?"

"With Elle," Nica replies, and she's blushing a bit as she speaks. "From the art gallery." Leba didn't need the clarification. There was only one Elle. Elle, poised and elegant in every interaction, who was at least acquaintances with every big name in art the city had seen in the last decade. Elle, with her pitch-dark skin and her bright smiling eyes, who always spoke as if she was letting you in on a precious secret. Elle, who Nica had talked about for an hour after their every meeting, and Leba had thought she was exaggerating every time, until she met her.

"Seriously?" Leba says. She had always assumed Elle was already taken, likely by someone much more famous than either of them, although they had been making a name for themselves recently. And besides, they already had each other, didn't they?

"Yeah," Nica says. "I know we were planning to go out to the chasm on Friday, but it can wait one more day, right?" Her eyes crinkle with an apologetic smile, the same one she always wears when she's asking a favour.

And the same way Leba always does when her twin asks a favour, she gives in. "I doubt it's going anywhere," she says, smiling.

Nica's smile blooms into an expression of joy and gratitude. "Thanks," she says. "I'll tell you all about it."

---

She does, in fact, tell Leba all about it. With bright eyes, she explains how Elle had taken her to a restaurant neither of them could ever afford alone, how she had worn a dress that glimmered under the blue streetlights, accenting her wide tail perfectly. She tells Leba about the crab meat, the ocean berries, the way Elle smiled at her across the table. She tells Leba about the swim back to Elle's apartment. She talks about how Elle had wrapped her large arms around Nica and kissed her, right on the lips.

Leba listens politely, murmuring interest and awe at the right times. But her heart isn't in it. She likes seeing Nica enjoy herself, of course. She wants nothing but the best for her twin, and she should have realized that that would include dating. If she was going to date, there could be no one better than Elle, as far as either of them were concerned. And yet... Leba just doesn't like it.

---

The dates don't stop there. At least once a week, sometimes even twice, Nica leaves Leba alone in their shared apartment and goes on a date with Elle. To the gardens, filled with every kind of seaweed and anemone, where the gentle fragrances had mingled perfectly with Elle's tasteful perfume. To the museum, not the art gallery Elle manages but the museum on the other side of town, where they have a growth pod from the original space ship, and Elle had told Nica all about that original space ship. Was there nothing she didn't know about?

Was there nothing Leba could still do better than her?

The spaces between Nica's dates are filled with anticipation for the next. When they shop, she sometimes picks out presents for the other woman: a charm that shines in rainbow colours when pressed against the glow of neon, a mug that depicts the way the magnetic fields of the planet distort the light sometimes above the surface of the ocean.

Sometimes, Elle comes to pick Nica up, bringing brightly coloured seaweed or just stopping in to say hello to Leba.

Leba is polite, of course, but she doesn't go out of her way. After all, it's not her that Elle is there to see. It's not her that Nica has been excited to go to town with all week.

---

Nica confronts her about it, eventually.

"Ladybug," she says, and Leba knows immediately that she's in for a scolding. "You can't keep being that cold to Elle."

"I'm not being cold," Leba replies, but she knows it's a lie.

"You are!" Nica replies. "Please Ladybug, can you at least try to get along with her?"

And Leba wants to say, why should I? But she doesn't, because that would certainly upset Nica. She isn't quite sure what to say instead.

"The two of you are the most important people in my life," Nica continues, and that stings a bit, knowing that she's not at the top of that list any more, even if it is now a tie. "I don't want to feel like I have to choose between you."

"I'm not trying to make you choose," Leba says, pouting a bit.

"Then what?" Nica asks.

Leba hesitates, chooses her words carefully. "I'm scared of losing you," she says, finally, not making eye contact.

"Oh Ladybug," Nica says quietly. She sits down next to Leba, and takes her face in her hands, turning her face to look her twin in the eye. "You'll never lose me. No matter what happens, no matter who I date, you'll always be my only twin."

Leba leans into her until their foreheads are touching. Nica's eyes-- one bright blue with neon and the other brown, same as Leba's-- narrow slightly as she smiles. "I love you," she says, earnestly.

"I love you, too," Leba replies. "No matter what."

---

So Leba makes an effort. When Elle comes to their house, Leba invites her inside, serving shrimp and bottles of tea. Elle is grateful and excited. She sits down and chats with the both of them, embarrassing Nica by saying that the girl doesn't ever stop talking about her twin. Leba smiles at that.

Elle swims away at the end of the night, and Leba closes the door gently behind her, feeling more relaxed than she has in a long time.

"Thank you," Nica says, while gathering up the dishes.

"Of course," Leba replies. "You should invite her over more often."

Nica's wide smile is contagious.