Human Horror Movies

“What exactly is The Psycho Slashers I-VIII Box Set: Ultra Blu-Ray Edition with Remastered Slashing and... Extended Kill Scenes?.” Nia looked at her boyfriend with something that bordered on concern.

”It’s entertainment, supposedly.” Myles plopped down on her couch juggling a bowl of popcorn, three boxes of candy, two drink cups, and the remote control.

Nia smiled and took the drink he offered her. “I can never figure out if you’re a bear or an octopus.” She said.

Myles smiled back through his mouthful of chocolate candies and buttery popcorn. “Anyways,” He said, taking a big swig from his cup. “My friend is big into this horror stuff. He even has tattoos of some of the characters. He lent me this and I thought it’d be fun to watch together. It is spooky season, after all.”

”Alright, then. Let’s get this movie marathon started then.” Nia took a handful of the popcorn, knowing full well Myles would eat it all by himself without realizing it, in about six minutes.

The movie began. Nia hated to be that person, but she didn’t understand the intro. “If he died in the insane asylum ten hears ago, how did he just kill that cheerleader?” She whispered.

Myles shrugged. “These things are always a little far fetched, I think.”

As the movie progressed, more teenagers were killed in preposterous ways. Even the jump scares were boring. Nia didn’t understand why the kids didn’t flee the abandoned hotel. Surely while he was in the attic looking for Stacey, some of the others could have gotten outside to their car. And speaking of that, how did the masked psycho walk that far out into the woods? He was standing by the sign that said “Happy Hotel 89 Miles” as the teens drove past and then he was there. Like bam! Nia watched as the psycho fell off the cliff. Oh, these movies are about eight different psychos then? She thought to herself. Myles started the second movie. Nia didn’t voice her thoughts on the films, since he seemed to be enjoying them. She quietly ate more of the candies while she wondered why the psycho slasher particularly loved killing cheerleaders. She started to doze off as the third one began. But she kept herself awake for Myles, just in case he wanted to talk about the movies later. The third movie provided even more questions. She didn’t understand why he “died” at the end of every movie and then somehow came back again a year or two later. The subsequent movies did not answer any of her questions. They made it through the first five before the sun began to rise.

Myles stood up and stretched. “Ready for bed?” He asked.

”Yes. Let’s try and get some sleep before the birds start chirping.”

*******************************

When Nia woke up after her nap, she saw Myles was not in the bed with her. She got up and found him watching cartoons on the TV and eating a sandwich. “Couldn’t sleep?” She asked.

”Naw.” Myles replied.

Nia made herself a quick lunch then sat down on the couch. “So are we watching the other movies tonight?” She asked, hoping he’d say no.

”If you want.” He shrugged.

”Based on how the previous movies have gone, I’ve kinda given up on any answers.” She said. “But if you wanna watch them, we will.”

”Sure, we’ll watch them.” He said.

Nia sighed internally. Then she asked: “Did you understand how he kept finding those random locations just when there happened to be people there?”

”No, it was weird.”

”And why was the first or second victim always a cheerleader? That’s just so much of a coincidence as to be statistically near impossible.”

”Like I said, these movies are always a bit far fetched.”

”And when his twin brother showed up in the clown mask.” Nia said.

”Hollywood loves a good set of twins.” Myles said with a smile. Nia smacked his arm. “Hey! What did I do?” He asked.

”There was no clown!” She said. “You fell asleep and left me to watch those terrible movies by myself.”

Myles turned away, sheepishly stuffing the rest of his sandwich in his mouth. “Okay maybe I did. I’m sorry, I thought you were enjoying them!”

”Ugh!” Nia exclaimed. “But you kept getting up to switch out the disks.”

”Yeah. I have a habit of doing that. I fall asleep, wake up suddenly and reply to a text or start a new show and then I instantly fall back asleep.”

Nia sighed. “Now that you mention it, that does sound like you.”

”I’m sorry.”

”It’s fine.” Nia said. Then she squeezed his hand because he did look really sorry. “It’s a few hours of my life I’ll never get back, but otherwise no harm. Just one thing.”

”Yeah?”

”Never spend the extra dollars to bring another one of those terrible films all the way here. Next time, just bring me some produce or something.”

”Deal!” Myles leaned over and kissed her cheek. Nia just laughed.