Drabbles: Hell RP

"I … It's alright if you know my name. I think out of everyone I know here at school, I trust you the most," I remember saying to her with a nervous laugh. Rin had found out my secret on accident when a strange person that I had never even met blurted out my real name in front of us. I had avoided her for a long while since that incident out of pure paranoia but after thinking over it all, I realized that Rin would be the last one to abuse this information. After all, we were both so similar in that one word could destroy our entire lives, so out of anyone she would be the one who could most understand my pain — our pain.

Her eyes had worry contained within her after I told those words to her, but I tried to reassure her — or rather myself — with a gentle hug. I still felt extremely anxious whenever I was with her after that moment. After a while though, it felt extremely relieving knowing that I had let it off of my chest. It felt nice knowing I could trust someone else and it didn't feel so pressuring anymore knowing I wasn't alone. I felt like I could do anything; I felt more free than before even though nothing else had changed.

So why … even though I had finally been able to find the courage to face my traumas and accept what I was, that I had been betrayed once again?

My mouth was filled with the taste of iron and my vision felt extremely hazy. Even though my senses felt overloaded and my emotions had fragmented my mind into pieces, my memory of what I had done was clear as day. I wasn't sure who had said the word that caused Wishing to take control of their body, but what I did know for sure was that Wishing immediately targeted me. After using my name against me, she commanded me to maul down Rin without mercy. Without choice or control, I watched my body as it ripped her to shreds. Now under my grasp laid Rin, her body covered in bloody bites, broken bones, and dreadful injuries. She could hardly take another breath; she had ran out of energy to let out another cry of agony a moment ago.

As I wheezed trying to pull myself together, a contorted smirk grew on her face as she stared directly into my eyes. It was her now and she was enjoying every single second of her new favorite show.

"You're such a good boy, Athy. You're such a stubborn little puppy that it felt so good watching you bend over to my every wish. You made ripping her body seem easier than tearing a piece of paper that it makes me feel like you enjoyed it. Did you like watching her wreathe in pain and shriek in terror? Oh, it was a shame she couldn't command you to stop … it was probably either because she was too dumb to think of it or because she was too busy choking on her own blood to do it. She can be so pitiful," Wishing mocked with a babying tone. She raised a brow as if noticing the look on my shapeshifted hound face. "Oh? You don't like that nickname? But you told me that you were fine with calling you that, Athy. Oh, wait. You told Rin that, not me. Sorry, I forgot."

It was irritating listening to her talk so much; her body was about to collapse at any minute, yet she blabbered as if everything was well. I wished that I could shut her mouth for good, but knowing her she would just turn it back on me to make things even worse. Wishing extended her weakened, injured arm out and pet the blood soaked fur under my chin.

"It's a shame you can't talk when you're in that form, but your eyes say it all you know. Why, you ask? Well, don't blame me. The one you should be blaming is yourself. You put this on yourself the moment you admitted to her what your real name was — it's your fault you trusted her," she continued to speak with a sickeningly sweet smile. I felt boiling rage bubbling in my chest. Without thinking, I growled and smacked her arm onto the ground next to her. Scaring me, a shriek of pain came out of her voice and tears streamed down her eyes. The fear on her face accusingly stabbed guilt into me for everything I had done.

"K … a … mui," Rin weakly choked with a sob. After realizing it was her, I tried comforting her by nuzzling her face; I tried to do anything that would make her know that I was normal again. But her cheeks felt cold and tears only continued to spill. I couldn't undo what I had done, no matter how much I tried to help her feel even the slightest amount of comfort. With strain in her voice, Rin spoke, "It's … okay … not your fault … can you do … one last favor? Can you … just end it all for me? Please?"

I knew she was in lots of pain, but at the moment I didn't understand why she had made that request. We lived in a town filled with mysterious magic that could perform even the most farfetched miracles. Even if she were on the brink of death, surely someone would be able to save her life as long as I could take her to them. I bit the collar of her shirt and tried to hoist her up, but she screamed in pain from being moved. In confusion and panic, I placed her back down. I probably would have to bring someone to her instead. I turned my body to get help and Rin frantically grabbed onto my fur.

"No … please … she's just going to do it again … she's going to use you. Who … who knows how many people she's gonna hurt now that she knows … about it. It'd be better off with both of us gone," Rin mumbled. In the end, she was only thinking about others, but I refused to let her have her way. We could both survive this, I thought. I would break my curse for the both of us, no matter the cost it would be to me.

"Kamui," she called out again, her voice more serious, "I … don't want to hurt you anymore."

I didn't understand. I was the one hurting her, yet she was convinced that it was all her fault. It pissed me off that she always thought of things in this way — maybe it was my fault for still being alive and convincing myself I could still be with her despite knowing the consequences. Compared to me, Rin was a lot more of a worthy person to save; she works hard, has passions, and has things to live for unlike me. So why did she believe that she had to be the one saving me? As my mind spiraled in frustration and confusion, I heard the words come from her mouth:

"Athanasius, kill me."

Once those words reached my ears, my body wanted to move on its own; I tried so hard to fight it back, yet I knew deep down that it would be useless trying to disobey. I felt electrocuting shocks of pain burn through my body as I resisted and my heart was starting to palpitate unusually. The pain felt like hell, but I knew that Rin had probably felt worse when I was forced to maul her down. I begged for anyone to save us — to save her. I didn't want things to end this way; I didn't want the curse to win once again.

But wishful hopes like that would only crush me down further.

That moment felt like it lasted forever, but in reality I knew it only lasted a mere minute. As soon as Rin drew her last breath, all of the stabbing pain within my body stopped. At first, my brain rejected the idea of her being gone, but my sense of smell could detect that she was no longer living. I felt betrayed. Even though I had convinced myself that Rin would be different and not take advantage of me, in the end she used me to fulfill her own desires without my consent. I felt disgusted with myself for being angry with her, especially since it was ultimately me who had ended her life and assisted her death. Why did I trust her — no, why did I trust myself? I really thought I was free after spending so much time and happiness with her, but I was only running away from reality. I was never going to be free and I would never be able to escape, no matter how hard I try to break free or run from it.