Can't Let Go
“Don’t start with this, please!” Nevada’s request may have meant to be a kindly begging, but her tone of a harsh concern seemed to set the real mood. Nevada placed a heavy hand on Piers’ shoulder as he struggled against her weakly, his restless driving him yet unable to overpower the woman desperately trying to keep him still in his state.
Piers eventually had no choice but to surrender to Nevada’s pleading. “I can’t keep just sitting here! I feel like I’m about to lose it.” The man let his head fall back heavily before exhaling heavily. It wasn’t like him to be so riled up, so antsy, but with everything that had happened, with his situation... it was hard not to be. Between the restlessness and the phantom sensations all the way down to the realization that all this was real, it was enough to rile anyone up.
“Yes you can, and you will. You’re alive Piers, and I can’t tell you how happy I am about that, how happy everyone is, but you’re not recovered. We aren’t sure if you’re completely stable yet and I don’t want to take any chances, and you shouldn’t either! You need to rest like the doctors said.” Nevada continued to plead, though her tone had faded to one that was much softer. She ran a hand over his face lightly, her thumb stroking his cheek over and over, gracing the scars that had mutilated it. “I’m begging you.”
Piers sighed once more, moving his hand to grip the one on his face, pulling it down but unwilling to release it. There was silence for a moment as they sat, both lost in one another as they considered everything that had happened. They had both taken turns for the worse in the past few months. Nevada disappearing, then Piers… both had suffered the loss of the other, and now they were nothing but terrified of watching it happen again.
“Nevada…” His sullen voice broke the agonizing silence through the beeps of the hospital monitors as the disheveled man turn to look back at Nevada, “It would be better for you to just move past this. You can do better than this. I’ll only hold you down now.” It was a harsh statement maybe, but one built of concern and a level of responsibility for his actions. He had become a broken man and was no repair for a broken woman. Yet the hand still in his grasp, his inability to let go… it all contradicted his statements, and Nevada knew it.
“I’ll tell you the same thing I tell you every time we go over this. I’m not going anywhere.” Nevada took Piers’ hand in her free hand, cradling his remaining limb in a defensive if not somewhat possessive manner. “You waited for me after the stupid stunt I pulled, and now? I’ll wait for you. As long as it takes, I’ll always wait.” Nevada carefully puled his hand towards her lips, placing a light kiss upon it, lingering for a moment with her eyes closed.
“That was different Nevada. You left, and you came back together. After what I did… It’ll just make things more difficult. It's too risky. You deserve more than I can give and after the virus—”
“I don’t care about the virus Piers! The only thing I care about is you!” Nevada’s sudden outburst took them both by surprise as she jumped up, running her hand over her forehead as she continued. “If this is how you felt after I… what happened, then I am so sorry. No words can ever fix that. But the pain I felt watching you vanish was so powerful, so terrifying I just… I went to your funeral for gods sake!” Nevada paused to rest herself, collecting her words and letting out a soft whimper as she turned back to a shocked and unsure face. “Maybe it’s selfish of me to say it, but I’m going to say it anyway. I can’t lose you again Piers. You are all I have left. I've watched so many walk out of my life, for better or for worse but you... You're the one thing I just can't let go of. Not again.”
There was another silence between them as only the stirring outside the hospital doors and the rhythmic beeps of heart monitors filled the air. Nevada felt a tinge of regret at her sudden outburst, but she needed to make her feelings made. She had watched everyone she could ever care about walk out of her life, and she couldn’t stand watching it happen again.
“Nevada.” Piers’ voice broke the silence once more as Nevada finally looked up, tears threatening to spill over she looked over him. It was still so surreal seeing him there, before her. On a fit of impulse, Nevada quickly rushed back towards his side, once again taking his face in her hands as she leaned over him. Forehead to forehead, she felt her tears spill over as Piers’ free hand held tightly to the back of her neck, stroking her hair softly. “I didn’t mean what I said, I couldn’t. I didn’t want to hurt you either.” He pulled back to look into her face for a moment before motioning her beside him. Nevada pulled herself together and onto the hospital bed.
The two of them stayed in silence for what felt like an eternity, reaching a point of questionable consciousness as time went on. Eventually Nevada found herself lost to exhaustion as Piers continued to look upon her. Placing a gentle kiss on her head, Piers couldn’t help but mutter softly, “I don’t wanna lose you either. This isn’t a love I’m willing to give up on.”