Pins and Needles

Jenny wakes up with a headache.

Not like that’s anything new.

With the closest thing he can muster to a groan without hurting his throat, Jenny sits up, holding his head in his hand while the vision of Clara’s living room slowly stops spinning. Guess it’s good a time as ever, while I’m waiting for the world to stop being a pussy. He takes his left hand, and starts tracing shapes on the back of his right hand. Circles, squares, triangles, bowties, any sort of geometric-ish shape. As he does that, he runs through the list in his head. Carly, Scott, and Penelope. Black hair with a purple streak, brown, brown. September 26th, February 14th. Child’s Play, Anchorman, Toy Story 2. On and on he lists these seemingly tiny facts, until the room stops spinning. Until the shapes stop. Until he runs out of facts. That should be everything. Thank God.

“I hope we kiss goodnight!”

He’s snapped out of his musings by his ringtone going off. What day is it today? Saturday, right? He supposes so. It looks to be about noon, and his alarm didn’t go off, so…. That’s his aunt. Checking on him. Awesome. Just what he needs. Picking up his phone, he accepts the Facetime, looking away from the screen.

“Hello? J?” The face of Jenny’s aunt appears onscreen, but Jenny wouldn’t know. He flipped his phone camera around, so he doesn’t have to look at her. He’s giving a little wave to the camera, and pantomiming a yawn. “Tired, huh? Me too, kid. Me too. You’re alright, right? Living with Clara is fine?” Jenny nods. “Good, good. Alright, I have to go. See ya next week, kiddo.” Upon hearing the noise of the Facetime ending, Jenny tosses his phone onto the table, running a hand through his fake purple hair. He’s going back to sleep.

At least, he would, if not for the fact that Johnny decided his face is rife for the licking. He sorta scrunches up his face for a second, before smiling a bit, softly petting the pup. Good morning. Fine. I guess I can watch something. Sitting back up, blanket draped around him, Jenny grabs the remote, waking the TV from it’s automatic sleep mode, to reveal a paused episode of Brooklyn Nine-Nine.

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Jenny pauses. It happened again. That feeling. That weird, mildly comforting feeling. That with a hint of mourning feeling. Something happened. Something that’s happened before, that he doesn’t remember. Not like how his recollections of his family are. That feels…. Different. They don’t feel real. They don’t feel like how it feels right now. The feeling that someone important to him is really sitting right next to him. He stops dead in his tracks, trying not to move an inch. He wants to keep the feeling. He can feel the couch compressing under their weight, feel the warmth radiating from their body as they cozy up to him under the blanket, hear their subtle breathing as they drift off into sleep.

He doesn’t want to move. If he does, the feeling will dissipate. It’s crazy. He knows that. It’s like trying to preserve the feeling of your leg falling asleep. It’s not a real feeling. He knows that. But as long as this feeling is here, he wants to keep it. Because it makes him feel more loved than he’s ever felt in his life.

Is it weird to say the feeling of your leg falling asleep fills you with more purpose, more fulfillment than anything else?

So Jenny stays still. He doesn’t want to lose this ethereal feeling. But all good things must end, and for him, that comes in the form of his hand drifting over to hold the feeling’s, no, the memory’s, own. But, of course, his hand falls upon nothing but the cushion. Suddenly, the illusion is shattered. There’s no extra weight upon the couch, save for him and Johnny. The only warmth is coming from the blanket. The only breathing is his quiet, labored own. His loneliness all the more apparent, he looks around. No one. Not even Clara. Who knows where she is.

Jenny sighs. Well then. Running his hands through his hair, he settles in. Time to watch Brooklyn Nine-Nine, he guesses. This wasn’t be the first time this show’s caused that weird recollection feeling, and he hopes it won’t be the last. The only feeling that can get Jenny to smile genuinely. His soft, innocent, lovestruck smile.

Who knew you could fall in love with pins and needles.