BITCHIN YULE

“I take it you didn’t have Christmas in China?” You smile as you sit next to your partner, Zheng. Their two-toned hair spills over their shoulders; you run your hands through the ends of it, fiddling with the strands. One of their moth-like wings is wrapped around you, pulling you closer to them. Your head rests in the crook of their neck, fit together two like puzzle pieces.

“Not in my time, but We will certainly celebrate for as long as We stay in Chaldea.” They laugh and look at you. “It’s certainly entertaining for Us to see all of the child servants so happy, spending time with their loved ones and opening gifts underneath those Christmas trees of yours.”

“Except for Beni Enma, you know? She’s been chirping up a storm making a holiday dinner.” The little, bird-like Saber has spent almost all day in the Chaldea kitchens, only pausing to open the presents that you had given her. Her grin was wider than you had ever seen it when she unwrapped the cookbook you had given her. “I know there’s going to be lots of rice.”

“She’s an adorable little bird spirit, how can she not cook rice?”

“You’re not complaining.”

“Indeed We aren’t. Rice is good!” Zheng squirms slightly in their seat and crosses one leg over the other. “But besides the food, there must be something else that people love about the holidays if they all celebrate them, even across different cultures. We did not have any form of Christmas, or at least, that’s what We remember. Our Lunar New Year traditions, however, involved giving presents that were mostly in the form of money.”

“And families would get together to see each other even after a long time away?” You quip.

“Exactly that! So maybe this Christmas, or the holiday season as a whole, serves a similar purpose.”

You nod, but they don’t seem convinced that you tell the whole truth. They raise a thin, dark eyebrow.

“Things just, in Our eyes, look so… over-the-top. If it’s about family, why is there so much… other stuff?” Their face crinkles up as they no doubt remember the many holiday-related singularities that conveniently arose during this time of the year. Frankly, you two are lucky to have the time you have now just to relax and spend time together when you aren’t saving the world from mortal destruction.

“I don’t know, and I don’t care.” You’ve never really been someone who went all out when it came to Christmas. You had the servants you loved in your Chaldea, and that was all that mattered. “You’re here. I think that makes this holiday just fine.”

“And you make Our holiday better than We had ever dreamed it would be. We quite enjoy the sweater that you have given Us; it is the perfect shade of green-blue, much like the top of the dress that We had you wear…”

“When you trapped me in your palace and made me draw for all etern--”

The moth-person jolts up with a start and swears in Chinese. From the expression on their face, it seems like they’ve forgotten something, which is rare considering how on top of things they are.

“Ah!” Their expression lights up like a lightbulb in the darkness. They take your hand and lead you away from the couch, both of you standing up on shaky legs. “It seems that We have neglected to show you something that We have recently acquired.” You hesitate as they walk you toward the miniature tree that sat on their room’s desk. It’s not as big as some of the other trees you’ve seen, but it’s so perfectly Zheng that you can’t help but chuckle a bit. A box wrapped in fancy gift paper lies under it.

“Zheng? Are you going to give me another treatise about the grain in the Qin dynasty?” You bite back another snarky comment. They find the grain interesting, but, to put it lightly, you do not. (You nevertheless listen to them talk about the wonders of grain and other related crops because it’s nice to see them excited.) Zheng shakes their head.

“And you’re not giving me mercury?”

“I’m not going to poison you, my little magnolia!” Your cheeks flush at their casual use of the pet name. “Just open the gift.” With bony limbs and two quick steps, they reach over to get the gift from the tree and shove it into your lap. Are they nervous about this? You think. That would certainly be unusual; they’ve never been scared of many things. Could they be scared of messing up?

Your hands tremble as you tear lightly through the wrapping paper, wincing with each loud rrrrrrrip. As they kneel in front of you, the Emperor’s eyes widen with anticipation. A beautifully embossed book soon rests in your grasp. There’s nothing written on the cover, so you have no choice but to open it.

You gingerly open the book up to the first page and see a sketch of a young woman with two braids and a two-toned dress. She looks out at the wheat fields in front of her, the ghost of a smile on her face. Flipping to the next page, you see that same young woman playing with a pair of kittens as the three of them sat on top of a darkly colored rug.

Fingers flying across the pages, you take in the gift that they have given you. Sketch after sketch of you, caught in moments of time that only you and Zheng must have experienced. There’s a delicate beauty to each piece, as if the figures on the paper would disappear if you touched it in the wrong way.

“We know that these works cannot help but compare to what you have created, Thana.” Zheng looks up at you with a warm expression on their face. “But We know that we can at least try to capture these fleeting moments with an artist’s graceful hand. We hope that you enjoy the gift nonetheless.”

You wrap your arms around them. “Of course I do, Zheng.”