Feelings Accompanying a New Position

Guilt.
Worry.
Anger.
Frustration.
Desperation.
Helplessness.

These were just a few of the many emotions coursing through Kiernan's body.

He had the support of many, but still felt alone in this battle. It had only just started, but it was going to be raging for a long while.

He had been asked in the past if he would be interested in the supervisor position. At first, he was reluctant to say yes, but every time the question came up, nothing ever happened, so he had become desensitized to the question. However, something was a little different about the question this time. He couldn't quite place a paw on it, but his branch manager looked a little more frazzled than usual. His fur was a little more out of place, and there was something about his eyes... tiredness? Uncertainty? It was hard to tell. Kiernan didn't think about it at the time, but looking back, he should have seen the signs.

It was a somewhat typical Thursday. They were training yet another new flex officer; things had been going well. The newbie was catching on very quickly and being extremely helpful, unlike a lot of other new officers they trained who would sit like a bump on a log. They had been sent out to take a round inside the building alone to see how they would do, leaving just Kiernan and his co-worker up front. Their supervisor had been asked to go back with their branch manager for a meeting that they all thought had to do with upcoming schedule changes, the adding more officers to the roster kind. It wasn't long before shift change that both their supervisor and branch manager walked in. Man, if looks could kill, everyone in that room would have been dead.

Their branch manager was the first to walk in. Nothing seemed too wrong with him, and Kiernan was about to ask a question, but for a split second made accidental eye contact with their supervisor, who walked in right after, and he felt like his stomach dropped as low as it would go. He wasn't even sure how to describe the look; it was a mix of anger, confusion, and desperation. The air in that room changed immediately and if one would have had a butter knife, they likely could have cut out a chunk of air because of how tense it was. Their supervisor began gathering some personal items while also taking non-personal items out and placing them where they should have been. Kiernan began to feel lightheaded and somewhat dizzy, even, being what he suspected to be an empath and feeling such strong emotions from his supervisor. After a few minutes, and an awkward attempted joke by his co-worker, their branch manager walked out behind their supervisor without a single word.

It wasn't difficult to put together what had just happened. Kiernan had to take deep breaths to attempt to clear his head and get thinking straight again. It took a while, but he finally made some progress. His co-worker hadn't moved an inch and sat in their chair, hands half-folded, body partially leaning forward, and legs somewhat stretched out. If it weren't for the noises of the PA system, other workers in the hallways, or the numerous machines running in their office, Kiernan suspected one could have heard a pin drop. Kiernan slowly turned his head and attempted to talk. Each word was difficult to get out, almost like he was trying to talk underwater with dry cotton filling his mouth.

"Did you feel that?"

Kiernan's co-worker seemed to come back to reality and slowly turned toward Kiernan. Their eyes were wide and it appeared as though they hadn't completely heard or comprehended what Kiernan had just said. This time, it was a little easier for Kiernan to speak.

"The air... it was so tense. We could have cut it with a butter knife..."

His co-worker just slowly nodded their head in agreement, struggling more than Kiernan to find words for the situation. What was there to say, really? Both were in shock at what had just transpired. It took their branch manager walking back in a few minutes later to break both of them free of their initial shock reactions.

Kiernan was pulled aside and had a lengthy conversation with his branch manager outside of the building -- something that had never happened before. Usually, if their branch manager wanted to talk, they would just pull the respective person(s) into the lobby next to their office. His branch manager discussed with him being the interim site supervisor. He was told a lot of folks had his back and were rooting for him, but that the higher-ups still required them to put up a job opening for others to apply for for anywhere from 1-3 months. He was asked again if he was sure he wanted to be at least interim, to which he responded yes. As much as he wanted to say no this time, he knew someone had to step up and fill in. He was the most qualified at this point in time, but that didn't count for much, as everyone, including him, were massively undertrained or generally lacking knowledge of a lot of the operations and procedures for this location.

To add to the mix, Kiernan had put in a vacation request for the following week; 5 days total, 3 days of vacation. He felt guilty, but was encouraged to take it, even after he offered to come back a day early at least, if not cancel it altogether.

The first few work days were chaos, Kiernan nor anyone else could deny that. He spent hours after work trying to learn and catch up on things. He came in on the weekend to train a couple of officers on how to do things that they never had access to, but now did after a bit of string pulling. For the 24 hours he would be gone due to vacation, he made up all but 3 and a half hours of that in overtime in over the course of a week. He was exhausted, both mentally and physically, and did not see that changing for the foreseeable future.

[IC]As much as the others may not have liked their previous supervisor, Kiernan still felt guilty. He had taken their spot, potentially helped with getting them removed by outing them on a few things they shouldn't have done, and he had no idea if they even had a steady income now. He hoped that they could get back full-time somewhere, as they had just been removed from that location, but were still with the company, and he had been told that they were to be doing temporary work at other locations in the meantime.

At the same time, Kiernan felt helpless and embarrassed and frustrated. Their old supervisor had kept a lot of information that should have, or at least could have, been passed on to make things easier for everyone. Kiernan hated having to tell people he didn't know the answer to their questions. He hated not being able to give an answer to something in a timely manner. He hated that he was learning so much that could be so beneficial to other shifts, but was never taught to anyone. He hated that he was finding out about so many things that were not done and he would have to start cleaning up not only the most recent past supervisor's messes, but all supervisors before them as well. He worried that he would not be good enough or be able to handle the position. He worried that although people said they supported him, that they were secretly talking about how useless he was behind their back.

He had to keep telling himself to give it some time. To not stress over it as much right now. Most others would understand his unintentional lack of knowledge and capability. It wasn't his fault... he had to keep telling himself that. No matter how useless he felt or frustrated he got, he needed to keep his cool mentally and give himself some time to work things out.

One step at a time, one obstacle at a time.