Coming to Terms with One's Feelings

There was just no winning with it. He enjoyed the times he was able to chat with this person. They always put him at ease, and they always knew just what to say to help him de-stress. Casual chats between the two were nothing less than a highlight of his day. There were several inside jokes between the two that only they would get and struggled to explain to others. He had been through some hard times mentally, and although there were several friends and a couple of family members who usually were there for him, there was one person who stood out. He always got nervous talking to them in private messages, thinking he would be bothering them, and doing his best to respond in as meaningful a way as possible if they messaged him first.

Any time he had the opportunity to see them in person, he took it. He got butterflies in his stomach and his heart raced with excitement at even the idea of seeing them in person. Work schedules tended to collide, as well as distance apart, but he always made a point to see them in person to hang out when he could. Their kindness astounded him. They were like a warm, glowing beacon of friendliness. You could just see that that was the type of person they were by being around them for five minutes. Every time they smiled, he couldn't help but smile as well. Every time he heard they had helped someone with something, he did his best to pay something forward as well. In a sense, he admired and looked up to them. He wanted to give off his best impression to try to stay on par with how they treated others as well, but he felt he would never be near as kind as they were.

This friend had been through some hard times, too, and he had done his best to be there for them. However, as much as he cared for this person, he didn't think it would be enough to compete with others he thought to be closer. They had been through a few lovers themselves, and he knew of at least two others that had confessed their feelings to them and been turned away. He wanted to still be friends without any awkwardness between them, but... he was finding that harder and harder to do as time wore on.

As he sat on some steps leading to a large, public garden, a small smile came to his face, despite a single tear sliding it's way through the fur on his cheek. He clasped one side of his hand and sighed. Who was he kidding? Although he cared, no... he had to admit to himself, he actually loved this person; more than just a friendship or close sibling love... he had no chance with them. They were too precious for this world. Their light shined bright for many others, he didn't want to take a chance of dimming it or extinguishing it altogether. He absent-mindedly gripped his hand tighter as his eyes stared ahead and down, but were not seeing what was physically in front of him. He was thinking back on the best memories he had had with that person; when they first met, the first time they hung out after that, gaming moments together... they were all extremely fond and he cherished them very much.

He just wished he would be brave enough to talk to them about what he had started feeling these past several months or so. The feelings had been there before, but seemed to have been amplified for reasons unknown to him.

Some day, he told himself.

Some day.