time never stops

Ciarra thinks about the war and is so, so glad that she's not on the front lines anymore. She has seen the horrors of the universe, she has seen the troubles that befall innocent lions. She has been stuck in more battles than she can count, as the yowls of lions around her and the clashing of tails created a whirlwind of chaos. The worlds out there can be beautiful, but they're also so terrifying. The fear of attack at every step, the knowledge that one day she might not return home... some called her paranoid, and perhaps she was, and still is. This is why she ran for home as soon as she had a good excuse. This is why she's still there, hiding out while braver lions fight the battles of the worlds.

Some deep part of her wonders how her life would have been different if she had stayed out there, fought for the Pride and fought for what she believed in. Perhaps she would have been a good warrior, helpful to the best of her ability, if only she had persevered, pushed down her fear and gone out on just a few more tracker missions. Ciarra asks herself about these potentials constantly, as the introspective lion she is, but the past is the past, and there is no changing it, not without revealing her lies to all (and that's one thing she knows she can never do).

There are small moments of peace hiding in the many planets she's been to, and especially on her home of Lochren, where the fear that always chases her is a bit less present. She likes to dream of what she'd do if the war ended in her lifetime. An interesting thought, and something she doesn't really know an answer to. What would she do if she could travel the universe in relative safety, not for war but for herself?

Ciarra thinks she'd like to explore a bit. Find some interesting planets, discover some quiet places, and come home with some brilliant tales. Now that would be perfect. As it is, she has to find the quiet patches of beauty around her home.

Maybe she'd be too scared to venture out even after the end of the war. When one hides away for what seems like eternity, it can be so difficult to accept anything that feels remotely normal again. All that she knows is that one day, when the blood moon goes away at last and relative peace comes back to Lochren, maybe she'll have gained back the bravery she misses so badly.

For now, though, the illusionist does her performances for the lions wanting to see shadow in action. She goes on about meaningless topics like the color of the sky because she has nothing else she's willing to say. And when the night is young, she sneaks away to a quiet place and watches the moon of crimson red, all too ready for the day when it no longer glows so dangerously bright.