Bitter Departure
Ginger sat by the frost cavern entrance, their eyes closed and tail curled tightly around them as they laid alone with their thoughts. It was getting harder to find time to themself, and with every new face, Ginger felt less and less at home. It was strange. The valley of songs and all the surrounding lands, that was the only home Ginger had ever known. But now it was filled with strangers and all these expectations Ginger had never wanted.
Ginger’s ears perked and their frown deepened as they heard footsteps approaching. So much for being alone for just a minute.
“There you are,” Olive chirped, clearly happy about something. “I was wondering where you had gone off to this time.”
“Yeah, thought I’d get some time to myself,” Ginger responded shortly, not bothering to turn to face their mother. They hoped she’d take the hint, but knowing her… Ginger knew that was as likely as the sky suddenly turning green.
“I have some news, another cat has joined up with the colony. You should head over and meet them as soon as you can.” Olive meowed, smiling as if she still expected the tabby to be excited about this news despite all prior experiences telling her otherwise. But maybe it’d be different, maybe Ginger would actually click with someone and become a part of their large extended family.
“Great. I’m sure I’ll see them around.” Ginger feinged politeness. This was just typical, wasn’t it?
“You know you should really take an interest in the others. I know it’s hard sometimes, but it’s better that we’re all working together and helping these cats.” Olive said, more softly now. She of course knew Ginger’s aversions, though she didn’t quite understand them.
Ginger didn’t respond for a minute, so Olive continued, “I know you’re still adjusting to all of this, and maybe it’s a lot of pressure to name you a potential successor. But I know you would really thrive in the role, you’ve always had a sensible head.”
And that was just it wasn’t it? They weren’t adjusting, they weren’t thriving as a potential. All of those ideas were just dreams in their mother’s head.
“I don’t want it, I’m not interested.” Ginger finally said, quietly but clearly. They had thought about what they wanted a lot, and being Clover colony’s leader was far from it. Ginger stood up now, turning to face the old tortie directly, “The day I’m named Clover colony’s leader is the day Clover colony dies.” It was harsh but- they’d been trying for far too long to fit into their mother’s dream for them. And it was true. Clover colony… It never held any value for them, just more and more strangers filling their home and making it different.
Olive looked heartbroken, she stammered a bit before muttering out, “You can’t mean that Ginger”
“I can and I do mean it.” Ginger pressed. “I am not you and I don’t want to be. I’ve tried to care about these cats for your sake, I even made friends with a couple. But they’re not my family. I don’t care what happens to them or who they are. I just don’t.”
Olive tried to find the words to say and she took a step back. “I- I never meant to force this on you. I really- I really just want this to work. You can step down from potential if it’d be easier-”
“No.” Ginger interrupted. “No, it’s not just that. Don’t you get it? These cats are your family but they’re not mine.”
“You were the only family I had left and that’s why I stuck around. Gods, I’m over fifty months and I haven’t seen half the things these travelers have seen. I’ve been such an idiot to try and make this work for you when that’s not what I want”
Clover colony was a place for new beginnings and hope for a brighter future. But it felt like a prison. Ginger needed to get out. They’d known for a long time. But making that move, making that decision to leave- it wasn’t easy. Leaving the only home they’d ever known, leaving the only family they had left, leaving their own mother crying for the loss of her last living child. But Olive didn’t need them, she had a new family. And they definitely didn’t need this place, this cage. They needed room to breathe and actually be themself for once. They needed this.
“I’m sorry, but I’m done. I’m leaving now, please don’t try to stop me I need to go.” Ginger said, all the energy draining from their voice.
Olive gave a quiet and broken sob but she nodded. She didn’t understand, but she knew she’d made too many mistakes with Ginger and cost their youngest so much happiness.
And so, Ginger turned away and started walking again. Then sprinting, and then running. They needed to put distance between themself and their old home and all the painful memories that place carried.
It was a shame they hadn’t said their goodbyes to the few cats they had liked, but it was for the best they leave now. Better now than never, and they had waited far too long already.