Journal Entry - haunted by my dreams

I keep having this recurring dream, well I think it’s a dream. The thing is it feels so real and familiar in a way and I suppose it wouldn’t be impossible for it to be a lost memory. Spark - my Ghost, keeps telling me I shouldn’t worry about it and that it is in fact only a dream. One time he even brought up the definition of dreaming and I just rolled my eyes in return. 

This dream tends to come to me when I’m in one of those moods where I only stay in the Tower all day and is alone with my thoughts. I guess no distractions make thoughts and feelings crawl forward that are normally pushed back. 

In the dream I’m by a farm as I’m laying right outside a barn with tall almost yellow-ish grass stretching up towards the sky. Trees and hills surrounding the area and horizon. I can tell it’s an evening in late summer, it’s right by that time the sun gives out that more orangey color. That warm, gorgeous orange light. The sun is starting to go down but still got maybe two hours before it gets dark. However the sky is still bright blue, almost white in fact and covered with those clouds that are almost cartoony, the type of clouds you’ll try and spot figures in. Which is exactly what I’m doing in the dream actually. 

I can hear birds singing and chirping. I’m no good with birds but I can at least point out there are a few pigeons in the woods. And of course the sound of insects buzzing, the gentle breeze flowing through the grass and tree tops. 

But then I can also hear someone saying something, someone talking. I can’t make out a word what they’re saying, like the other sounds drown it out even though the person is right next to me, which I don’t notice until they start talking. However, dream me replies but I can’t make out what I say either. I turn my head to look at the person and I smile, they smile back and then I wake up. 

I do not know who the person I’m with is. I can’t see them. Well… as I turn my head they’re just a blur but I can tell they’re a young girl, a child and I can tell when she smiles. Though I’m afraid even if I could see her I don’t think I would remember her anyways. 

If she’s real of course. 

Or if Spark is right all along

But it can’t be, It can’t be a dream…. when I wake up it always feels like something’s wrong, that something’s missing. She’s missing. 

I hope to one day go out there, far beyond the Last City to find that damn farm. I’m aware that whoever she is, she might be gone. Sure the Traveller blessed us with expanding the human lifespan but she’s just a human, like I once was, vulnerable.... It's been years, centuries with a lot of threats around every corner. 

I’ll try and not lose hope though. 

One day I will find that farm. 

And even if she’s gone, perhaps the memories will come back to me?