Zhongli Story Quest II Brainrot

Hi I'm still suffering and I typed this out in GDocs so I can escape the fucking limit of dicsord anyway thank you for coming to my liveblogging about Zhongli I'm fucking, fucking dead.

With the erosion and the hint that it will be the absolute fucking yeeting of not only one's memory, but existence (as shown with Azhdaha), Zhongli has accepted that in time, he too will fade away. But god, he suffered alone for so long. He watched friends come and go in so many different ways. He's had to live the pained existence of being left behind by those he cared about. He had to seal off his friends, kill old friends, or watched them all bring each other to ruin. He may have accepted that he will be gone, but the pain is still there.

When Azhdaha disappeared from existence, I'm just in shambles about how much it actually affected Zhongli. Literally my gay non binary brain aside, the fact that he met again with a friend after a thousand years must have meant so much to him. To be able to talk to him and actually reminisce even if it was about a painful memory of being sealed away, willing or not. This really makes me think about the whole "Osmanthus wine tastes the same as I remember, but where are those who share the memory?" Quite frankly, now with this quest, that line hits harder as annoying as it is.

So now in ZhongWei context, this really makes me think about how painful it is when he thinks about Liwei leaving, or even dying before it is his time. He knows Liwei still has around a century to live, but he will still live on beyond that. The pain gets even worse with the mere thought of Liwei dying due to some misfortune, and while he will come to accept it, how long will he have to deal with the pain of being the one who was left behind? Defending Liyue is still a part of his contract, even just as Zhongli; but loving Liwei isn't. It's something out of his own will and his own feelings.

He feels so strongly for him and he loves him so much, but this is the price he pays for falling in love with a mortal. Part Yaksha, but a mortal nonetheless. This leaves him at a crossroads on whether to truly accept his mortality, or only hope he ascends into Celestia and becomes a god in his own right so that they could have a longer time together. However, knowing his own mortality due to the erosion, he feels it would be selfish to push Liwei to ascend because that would mean that Liwei will have to go through his pain. He would never wish that upon the man he loves. Yet he still has trouble accepting that Liwei’s life could end at a moment and he would not know.

To Zhongli, he asks Liwei that if he ever ascends and that he, Zhongli, will lose himself to the erosion the same way Azhdaha did, he wants Liwei to be the one to put him to rest. He no longer wants to live this pained existence and if it truly is the end of the road for him, he wants the last thing he sees in his life to be the one he loved the most, and the one he loved the last. He wants the last thing he sees to be someone who brought him such happy memories, even if the time they spent together was so short compared to his lifespan of over six thousand years.

Zhongli has accepted that he will erode and disappear, but this is something he can never bring up to Liwei because this is still talking about his death in advance. He does not know how Liwei will take it, and he is afraid that it will only cause him plenty of distress. He doesn’t want Liwei to dread every day that he may go. This conversation also might end up making Liwei feel obligated to stay in Liyue when he doesn’t want to, and Zhongli by all means does not want to make his husband feel that way ever. This is something he will reserve only for the most dire of situations.

“You’re leaving?” He would often ask when Liwei goes out on his ventures. However; after the incident with Azhdaha, the question begins to weigh more unto Zhongli. He has witnessed his friend be eroded by time, and to see it with his own eyes I imagine still brings indescribable pain, especially knowing he still has so many, many years left in his life. He doesn’t want to burden Liwei with his selfish feelings, but perhaps it is best to be upfront even if he will react badly to it. But, all he really needed to say was that he just wanted him to be around more, and Liwei never really pried into his business even if he could tell that Zhongli was not okay at all.

I brainrotted with my brother earlier about the Glaze Lilies and how they grew with “words of love” and my heehoo brain actually thinking too much on this makes me think about that these flowers also have some magical properties. I told him that one of the first things Zhongli did after they got married was to try and cultivate Glaze Lilies for Liwei because the flower meant so much to them, to the point that they grew a little flower bed that they would stay in. After the situation with Azhdaha, Zhongli would always be by the flowers whenever he came home. He would always braid the flowers into Liwei’s hair and be the loving husband that he is. He is resigned to his mortality, but he isn’t sure if Liwei is resigned to his.

This is why he tries harder to make the most of his days with Liwei when they are together. He will not stop Liwei from leaving because he still has his own life to live, while he still watches humanity as the mortal Zhongli. There will now always be a reminder that he will one day erode like the rest, but it doesn’t really bring him any comfort, just acceptance and a reminder.

How long for him to be with the one he loves, to help him achieve his dreams and when everything is all said and done, they settle down and live peacefully. How long until time will take him away from the man he loves and there will only be memories and nothing else? Liwei is gold in his memories, but he is a god. Liwei is only human, Zhongli knows he should accept that the memory of humans is faulty, and erodes far quicker than that of a god. He can accept being eroded by time, but to be forgotten by the one he loves the most brings him the most pain. This becomes much, much heavier after Azhdaha.

“When you get to the end of time, the past and future, they will be waiting for you.” It weighs heavily on Zhongli because even if it is a certainty, how long will it be until the end of his time? When Liwei dies, how long until he sees him again? How long until they could lay in the bed of Glaze Lilies that they nurtured with so much love and care? How long until he could hold his hand again and finally be reassured that it truly is his time, and that it is finally time to rest?