Jealous of his own Reflection

Isa hates visiting home. Especially when Elijah is there. He doesn't hate him, not at all. He loves him like a brother should, but the feeling of unease is always present around his twin. If he had a choice he would just communicate with Elijah through letters or through a magic stone; in person last resort. 

How else would you feel when your face is litteraly across from you in flesh and blood? Not even a dent of difference, it's you. It's your face, with a few new scars because your reflection had a life of its own when you were gone. It's your face, you had it first, your parentage gained you that face and he has it too and he can do anything with it.

And yet, you're the one that feels fake. When you see him smiling and talking about his adventurers in a mythical country you've never been too- it feels like you have his face. Not the other way around, that.. that you're the one that was given a body. 

You are him but he is not you. Not anymore.

Isa doesn't want to be here. At the dinner table of his childhood home, with his father on the top of the table- Isa sitting by his right side and Mika (the oldest sister, who organised this) on the left. He doesn't even sit beside your father, he's the third child. And yet you feel like the disappointment. Like the one who couldn't achieve anything.

Isa was the one who was supposed to be the academic pride, the pride of medical research of his father. Mika would always be above him in their Fathers love but atleast he hoped that between the twins he would be one that father would smile at when describing his life the past few months.

But… as Isa is digging into the steak at dinner and listening along to Elijahs tales. He understands, Elijah describes his many feats- fought with dragons and had an adventuring party that seemed to adore him… whilst Isa had been stuck doing detective work for the Monean Government. Nothing of the sorts of life he expected to lead after the many years of home school in this mansion, it was boring. Once in a while murder but… always lead nowhere. Isa can't help but sigh, earning a side eye from Mika who returned to smiling as she listened to Elijah once again.

Elijah is better than Isa. 

Elijah is the better version of Isa.

 He is much stronger than Isa, Elijah can wield a sword, duel and most importantly win a swordfight even without having elemental magic. Whilst Isa has never picked up a sword, relying on his dendro magic to win any fight. 

Elijah is kinder, Isa known this since Elijah started talking; Elijah would cry over a dead bird that fell out of its nest whilst Isa would Bury it with a sigh and use it as an example of natural selection in his next essay. 

Elijah was the one that let lost travellers into the mansion when it rained for the night whilst Isa turned them away back to the endless forest that surrounded the home.

And definitely, more adored. Isa can barely recount anyone truly caring for him back where he lives; perhaps that nice old lady that's his neighbour but that's because he helps her with her garden. But, then Elijah recounts how his adventurer companions help him, give him advice and Isa has seen the man who dropped Elijah off at the village looked at him. Isa will never experience that. 

And his family? Mika adores Elijah, he's her little brother. He came to her with a papercut and she sung to him as she healed it whilst Mika was stuck tutoring Isa for the next test their father put him upto. And their father, Carlam. There was a time where Isa thought he would be picked over Elijah but no more; Carlam loves Elijah because Elijah was successful. He was the success of science. Whilst Isa was still a mystery to Carlam, he still doesn't know why Isa suddenly got better that one day- or the source of the curse. And even his academic prowess was nothing compared to Mikas potential. 

And .. Isa adores Elijah himself. His brother, his twin. He loves when Elijah talks about his expeditions to him, bringing him back souvenirs that Isa carefully stores in his suitcase. Elijah is his brother and will always make him smile.

But it's still bitter.

Elijah was supposed to be the reflection- the abomination. But yet he's adonis and Isa is the scraps left behind. Isa feels like true cracks in the mirror.

I am him, but is he not me.

Isa wishes he could hate Elijah, but he simply can't. He cannot he can't bring himself too.

He can only watch, as Elijah lives the life that could have belonged to him.