AU | Alive

It was just a vast wasteland. It was dry, cracked, lifeless; but on the horizon he could see the sun. It was far bigger, far brighter, it's white light was blinding, yet he gazed upon it like it was nothing. There was but a gentle breeze, gently blowing his mussed hair and bloodied coat. He felt the end coming to him, he felt like he was living in the aftermath of all life after it was stripped away from the world.

It scared him.

He did not want to see this. It further reinforced the void within him that had been growing the past two thousand years. This was the end of the line, and he was still standing. He clenched his fist angrily, a lump forming in his throat. The void was still there, he could not feel peace.

"Charon." A voice echoed to him from behind. It distracted his thoughts, and looking to the source of the voice, he was riddled with an overwhelming nostalgia. "Sparda." Barely a whisper and a sigh. It was both relieving and frightening; none of this was real now was it? His old time friend and master, back from the dead to greet him.

If he were dead, why is the void still there? He gazed upon the grand bespectacled man who greeted him with a warm smile. "It's been too long, old friend. You've done well." Sparda spoke with pride and joy, glee filling his expression. Charon was at a loss, he could only look down and shake his head shamefully. "I've only done the best I could, friend. In the greater scale of things, my role was never so big that you could regard me as your champion still." It was eating at him. He still felt so empty even as his old friend laughed with mirth. "Nonsense, Charon. You've served your purpose; and for two thousand years you have done well for me even after my passing." Sparda's joy tugged a smile on his face, however obscured by the red hair that fell down to cover his expression. The great demon was no stranger to emotions, and he knew his friend. He could read him well. Raising a hand to pat his former retainer's shoulder, his look softened into one of concern. "You are bothered."

Charon could only grimace. He looked up to the sun, and a slightly stronger breeze blew past the two demons. He took a moment of silence before he answered Sparda. Even if he intended to lie, the other would always see through his lies. After a fleeting moment of recollection, Charon sighed. "I've lived two thousand years to fulfill my promise to you as a retainer. I've protected your bloodline like I always spoke about in pride. Now?" His lips quivered, body tensing. "It's all said and done. The world has found peace." His voice was beginning to shake; however, Sparda'a gaze was ever patient, not forcing the answer out of Charon. "Your sons and descendants have found peace." The white haired demon smiled. He knew that, he felt it and it resonated with him. However; he awaited Charon's true answer. "I thought that I could find peace in death, but the divines above?" Charon paused to shake his head.

He broke.

Tears threatened to spill from him. He was in pain, but he did not realize just how much pain he had stowed away for two millenia. He hid his face from his old friend, hating himself for breaking down without warning. Sparda softened his grip on his shoulder, and settled to rest his hand on the other's back. "Sparda, why won't they let me die?" The bright sun reflected its light on the tears that were spilling down. The jagged earth earning dark splotches from the tears that had escaped. Charon's words were so pained that Sparda frowned momentarily, feeling the magnitude of the pain that Charon had been trying to work through for so long.

"Perhaps fate planned more for you, old friend." There was no other answer he could give, it was the only thing that made sense. "You deserve to live the last of your life as a human, to be in peace." Peace. He could not find it, he looked to Sparda with a tear stained face, seeing the reassurance in his old friend's eyes. Sparda gave a warm smile. "You have served one purpose, maybe you do not realize you have many more." With those last words the light became blinding, completely bathing them in light until neither could see nor feel another.

He opened his eyes.

It was dark, cold, damp. The soft whirring of the air conditioning and the gentle trickling of rain on the window kept that atmosphere of Charon's apartment from total silence. He simply lay there, numb and pained from waking up to realize he was still alive. He took a fairly good look at his surroundings, feeling disconnected from reality after having a dream that almost seemed real. He moved a little, but it didn't feel right. There was too much space; it was not uncomfortable, but it was empty.

His heart sank.

It felt like he was going to be alone until the world ends. God won't let him die, Mundus won't , nothing could stop him from living. He wished to die if it meant that it was the only way he can be able to fill the void in his heart for doing a lifelong promise. He raised his arm to cover his tired drooping eyes, and maybe have another sleepless dream.

His thoughts were interrupted by the soft footsteps coming his way. He glanced quickly, his sight being met with a familiar tuft of black hair and a heavily inked body. V had a cup of tea in hand and hastily brought it to Charon, whom he sat up to make sure he would drink the concoction. "Drink." He said simply. Charon was unresponsive, eyes unfocused and staring into nothingness. V sighed and placed the mug aside, sitting in front of his partner to brush the thick locks of hair that covered half his face. Charon's eyes met his, and he could see the worry present in the summoner's eyes. A wave of shame overcame him again, and he could not help but feel like curling in up on himself.

V frowned slightly, brushing Charon's hair away with his fingers. "I wouldn't call those nightmares, but your dreams, they-" He started, softly and lowly. Charon was silent, ashamed that it was becoming obvious to even his partner. Has he really been so stagnant? He sulked lower, and V could only feel worry. The redhead avoided eye contact, hanging his head low. The summoner sighed, moving to the other's left side and started to carefully braid the other's hair.

The gesture was one of endearment and calming they both shared as of late. It helped ground the redhead back into reality, possibly due to stimulus. To V, it was becoming more and more obvious that Charon was never the same person after the apocalypse. He looked lost and empty, his stagnance increasing to the point of obvious dissociation. Charon could feel the other's fingers tangle themselves in his hair, fixing it in a better style. While it tugged a smile on his lips, the void was still present. The summoner was patient, quietly braiding the other's hair to calm his nerves.

"I shouldn't be alive anymore." Charon finally spoke after a long moment of silence.

V was silent, and knew where this conversation was going to go. It wasn't the first time, but now seemed to be at its worst. How many times has he asked Charon to rationalize his thoughts on finding peace and still existing. Purpose in fact can be found even at the end of another purpose, and that's what he believed. Charon seemed too hinged on the past that he feels it was all he was good for, a single purpose to a dead man.

"It's about your purpose again, isn't it?" He asked bluntly, eyes still fixated on the side braids. The silence that came from Charon spoke a million words, and V immediately understood. He sighed and left half of the last braid unfinished, hands falling to his legs. "That shouldn't be the only reason you have to be alive." He started. "That's very simplistic for someone like you." The way he spoke made Charon quiver slightly. He realized that he was not the only one who had suffered existentialism af the end of the line. The summoner too, did not know what to make of his own life after realizing that he was but a demonic creation. He is only nearly a year old in existence, so with the end of everything, what good was he for now?

A silence loomed over the two, the trickle of the rain giving ambience to their surroundings. Charon could not speak, what could be said anyway? He rubbed his thumbs together, trying to formulate a coherent response to V's statements. His eyes were unfocused and his mind only drew blanks. There were words in his head but they cpuldn't be strung together. V inched closer to his partner, resting his head on the other's shoulder. "That's right." A small thought clicked in Charon. "You don't know either, do you?" It was V's turn to be silent. The redhead let out a sigh and leaned back towards the summoner. It was almost amusing that even they shared the same existentialism.

"I have only been here so long." The silence was broken. Charon let out a small hum in response. "You, on the other hand, have been here for over two thousand years." Those were the facts, yes. Curious, Charon looked to the summoner, whose eyes were still fixed down. "Your point being?" He responded. V's eyes met with his, yet those same eyes were difficult to read. "You lived as a human, why can't you live that way again?" It caused Charon to scoff lightly. It seemed like a simple solution, but he should have expected it from V. He knew that he was not here long, of course that would be an answer. Charon's lips curled into a bitter smile. He lived two millennia full of pain and bloodshed. There was no period of time wherein he really lived like a human. Even the thought of it felt so. . . Aimless.

"I can't live that aimlessly for another two thousand years." A bitter response, but in his heart maybe he really just wanted to disappear. V's eyes were filled with a saddened disappointment. He lifted his head from Charon's shoulder to look him dead in the eye. "If death would really give you peace, why were you fighting so hard? If anything, you gave me the impression that you couldn't die." It made Charon hit a wall. He hated the sense it made and how he knew that deep down he did fight to stay alive. "Some part of you still wants to go on and I think you couldn't shake it off." There was a slight frustration in the summoner's tone. He frowned and let out a barely audible 'tsk'. It took a moment for him to calm down with a sigh. V shook his head and looked to Charon in apology. There was no offense taken, but Charon hated that maybe his partner was right. "You think we're both alive for a reason?" He spoke in hushed tones, eyes looking into V's for answers. There was no easy answer and they both knew it. V held his hand and closed in the distance between them.

"We'll figure that out down the line." V said with a barely present smile on his face. "If we were really meant to die, wouldn't we have been already?" It was a fair point, but the response still amused Charon. For whatever reason, the void seemed to be bearable even for a moment, and things didn't seem so grim. He leaned in for a chaste kiss, one of the very rare few they shared. V did not protest, returning the gesture tenderly. They both shared quiet chuckles afterwards, and maybe smaller moments like these would bring about bigger, more significant events that would ease the void present in the both of them. If they stayed a little longer, maybe then they'd find the peace they were looking for.

Better yet, they could probably find a new purpose to live.