aaaaaahh help

Someone grabs my shoulders and starts shaking me. I jolt as vivid hallucinations melt appendages into melted synthetics, voices misinterpret bloodstream sound covering close related causing ear blocked strong slosh showing...astral projection...

"Jax? Are you okay? You look fucked up..."

I stare up at the face that appears through my hallucinations. A voice recognizable so well passes through my bloody throat before I talk slowly "Elene?" I expect it to be a delusion brought on by this melted metal junk head space, Caroline as vivid and lifelike as she was months ago when I lost her.

Any drug or chemically induced overdose should take around 20 minutes to induce convincing hallucinations before the user completely craes out and dies due to delicate body organ function failure. Strange this one seems so calm....

She shakes me again, gently. "Hey, answer me. You're scaring me. What happened? Are you on something?" I look up to the pulsating blue fabric thumping electronic music, music painful to sober ears float from glaring pink speakers th size of trophies. Red lasers criss-crossed over a crowd of completely dull admittance...Psychedelia...

"Hey, come on, I need you to talk to me. What'd you take? And how much of it?" Surely she noticed I'm Not completely here... Although nor am I often...Static's taken over what used to be my strenuous brain- the strobe isn't helping her see me either....Probably permanently deaf. Magnetic and electric...Two injections in arm slightly purple easily blue...Call them what you will.Name them endorphins in layman's term. Just don't ask about the physiological repercussions. 'Nough Said. Kids unhealthy nowadays.

"Tell me what you took or I'm likely to be far less understanding." Her own depression hidden well by an innocently masked inquisitive frenzy.Concerned for myself or for others? She expects a very smart response. Normal people learned long ago:Don't ask don feel.

Turn red...turn blue...push lines turn word tides-melt truth guise with lies fluidity poetic misery syrupy throatspeak...Bubbles grow silver.

My brain struggles to force words out of my mouth. Everything seems to be melting together. Dancing with colourful hazes which block and unblock my memories. Forget the world around me completely deaf I'm sure, drunkenly I swallow my pride. Enough toxins to kill an untrained body found in my blood stream. Colours fill my brain, with eyes just one blurring.

I do my best to talk to her. "Yo...You're talking like your mouth's moved. And here I on the spot..." Get out an explanation before breath catches up to me. It's not helpful. Just trust Elene, her vocal comprehension's wonderful. With verbal insanity imminent support most certainly vital to self preservation: the internal reserves of mind exchanging broken images and unfolding memories for spoken thought.

"I need you to tell me what you took." She insists. Sweet, Special important to someone, reserved perfectionist cloaked like an angel's wings folded at her back.That single description terrifies me both how accurate at the sinister truth and of what walking cliches I've become accustomed to describe towards instinct.

I should answer her. Predictably I destroy and consume what I love.Want to lie. Don't need your tears to wash me down the drain again, but pills are necessary. Preferably a rough mix of constrictive conversation. "This new stuff craePop was talking about." I refocus on making a list of bodily instruments.

"What do you feel?" Sheen of perspiration colour on her face.

Mouth full of words gulped threatening choking. "Happy. Psychedelic. Single word trouble. Completely amazing..." Nobody hears...Everybody hears...did I say that out loud? Not caring anymore, Today I'm feeling poetic. Perhaps under the influence of something much worse than illegal substances.

She gives me a concerned look.I feel hopelessly thankful, she simply is unable to see behind this mask donned recently. Giving the sweetest taste of desire and new sensations. Looking in her eyes, but not revealing anything truthful. Twisting my body to nothing but cryptic conversation and fake happiness. Now what's this pulsating mass of fibers coming to see us?

"What do you mean 'new stuff'? Do you even know what you took? What is it supposed to do? How much did you take?" Once again caring outweighing her frustration. A sweet angel cloaked in any garment desired by her lover. Unfortunately, I am an evil man.A twisted being incapable of any sort of purity.

"Mmmm....Don't remember name...." I turn eyes away could reveal too much. Pills with strange names scare me. I don't know irrationality of someone pushing an unknown substance. Intelligence pouring out amazing and unforgettable colours, swirling leaf colours dancing orangebrick roads in my eyes, crumbling I fall again as walls melt some sort of silvery liquid..... I shut my eyes holding my head, but landscape floods in through senses. So bright astigmatic rainbows stepped on as trip flares dizziness. Psychedelia... felt great until that word soured the inside of my mouth. It comes unraveled like cheesecloth in my mind. A cultured, polished facade rotting away to nothingness. This is what heaven and hell must look like. My brain liquefies. The strange synergy between me and everyone and everything around me..language based loneliness...just like La...just....like..... lasts for an eternity, but ends with the snap of fingers. Where were we?

"What....?" Elene sounds reluctant to use a four letter word, classy as always. But as much as you want heaven, falling will always feel worse than never having climbed to begin with. The only things in the world are the floor under me, and her face above mine. Everything else is busy with its own dance with itself, the colours popping behind my eyes. Wrong images intrude on others. Fragments and scenes flashing by too quickly. Everything I do is rotten to the core.Despite that white purity above me, she deserves much better than brushing flakes of skull from her hair. Truly reality has been poisoned to the point where these laughable charades seem real. Mechanisms clinking moving grinding drilling buzzing around my head. Too sensitive to the strange signals surrounding me.

There's a light in my eye, blocking my view from one side. From the other, translucent elves swimming around above me as I lay on fragrant grass enclosed in a fresh green scab. My pupils can easily take it in despite never signaling it to do......anything? Beyond just never signaling anything.

The light moves to my other eye. Now there's only pupil in my vision. Oh no, I'm going to lose this game. The ants crawling around the nail protruding from my forearm are training me. Candy stripes boldly displaying soldier vs civilian casualty ratios. Those little...

"I think it's starting to wear off." Elene's angelic voice serves as captain on this vessel. I am expediently flowing through pipes and valves, serving no elaborate purpose other than opening and closing them when commanded.

"Holy...Look at his pupils. What can I do to help, baby? I want to help you. Talk to me." I undoubtedly appreciate the nurturing hormones squirting in her birth canal, but not now. I scoop with the flat of my hand, teasing apart incomprehensible streams of images flashing by relentlessly. Please stop flashing by, I'll do anything....

"....ugh...Lights.....gone......warping.......in front..." I....Opening and closing, with terrific force beating some energetic field until my arm goes numb from rapid rubbing. DOPAMINE serenades me as I stuff handfuls of pure vibrating heavier than air bliss down my throat whole.

"Concentrate on my voice. Your pupils are massive, baby. Massive. This substance is kicking your brain into overdrive. Just try and follow my voice, okay? Where are you right now?"

With her voice as a teddy bear, I can't possibly be anything easier than slightly agitated at finding fluffy, huggable eyes watching me as I plunge away. You will find no black hole here faithful watchers. I promise you that."Wherever you want to be, baby." I mutter repetitively, audible to myself alone.

"Can you tell me what kind drugs you've taken tonight? Do you know?" I'm really disappointed when she asks questions like that. Focusing takes all the concentration of which I'm capable just to answer her immediately forgettable queries and fragmented sentences that cut to the core of my soul without permission. But...she persists in speaking to me, drawing things out of me that are unimaginably private.

"...I...Don't care...does it make you happy..." The only reason that I haven't already shoved those speakers in the deepest piece of my brain is because of her voice. One perfect, never changing melody...such grace as it carries me in its arms....

"I'm not sure you quite understand the level of potentcy here. You could easily die..."She persists for far too long. Die? Right now, it weaves through my neurons like styx water. As long as she's talking to me, saying something, I can survive anything....anything except sensory deprivation. Her long ignored warnings swim futilely towards my head far too late, frantically pounding to breach the barrier.I've always been a slow learner. Blissfully warm now, I'm in too deep to come up for air. Correction: Make that too light. Grinning opens up my mouth past where physics should allow. I blink hollowly, tiny jackhammer devices pulsing against my eyelids as she asks if I can see the lights behind my eyes. Groaning in ecstasy at this voluptuous creature massaging my scalp from the inside out, I try futilely....I try everything to find that horrifying, shellshocked serenity.

"Jax, can you hear me?" Her words scrabble around my forehead for a corner to hide in, eluding my grasp.They Might be "Burning in here", but I don't think they're supposed to be playing this... particular role. One white claw accidentally ripping off with half my face, the phantom pain is there for a split second before immediately forgotten.I could stretch out what miniscule power I exert over sound waves enough to correctly pronounce her name right now...But.

Just... want(ed?)... to wrap my arms around her. Skin as smooth as oxygenized silicon... tearing into Her...oh, wait....She was asking me what drugs I consumed tonight. Surely....that much...she can see for Herself...right? I try to point towards the ceiling with an erratic arm in desperation and foul up amid spasms of delirious coughing, violently resisting oxygen desperately trying to fold me outside and inside out. What does she see brighter than the pure golden energy emanating off of her though? An iron claw wriggling spasmodically in front of my eyes guides itself into her collar and down her chest, and I follow it. The claw traces the contours of a parody of nursing responsible for all the pills that wont fit up my nose find their way down instead. Her shirt gapes half open. She begins speaking once more; through twists and deformities in her voice pushing the sounds out is one of the hardest things I ever have to put up with.

"I'm concerned that you... Convince me that you should be interested in exerting the extraordinary amounts of...Jax, can you hear my voice?" What kind of over the top question is that? I've been trying to clutch shamelessly at whatever fragments of sweet sound drip from her lips for minutes now.She tries to catch my eyes, but I uncontrollably recoil from even the ministrations of sweet nowhere-escapable max authority on hallucinogens and....things. The drugs burned out my receptors long ago and now they flash between extremes of important and....and.....Am I drooling?...Unimportant......ay.....fih....uh.Her boots are a darker shade of core white than the rest of her gleaming, panther metred chassis.I desire is fine though..."Everything is wonderful..." were my only coherent thoughts. Quavering giggling issues from whatever motionless mess I have become when I'm not stimulating myself to the point of whiplash, and even then...."There is no reason all cont--"She pauses briefly. This power likes being worshipped. Maybe this is a dream after taken into custody, conformity and....is that yes? Why not chalk it all up to the euphoria right now...shall we....Everything seemed blue in this scape prior, but that metallurgical Medusa has scrammed some Red for acidic flavor in this "throwing up after hardcore intake of drugs with only diet pop as buffers" color...Soft murmuring for only me to hear one syllable at a time. Uhhhhh.......duct...tape. Don't talk back. I only want meaningful statements THIS high, okay?A brushing of my legs on wool smite me into complete paranoia. What was she saying? "Breathe." If only Her eager disciple could follow simple commands! "I said breathe! Jax, you have to fight this. I don't wont to see you like last time...Tell me what you did, honey. What can I do to help?" Tell me too...A ring of honeysuckle, Her voice had coiled around my heart finally breaks past the squall of my dernier cri. "Breathe. You're spiraling right now. Just. Get. Out. Your breath, Jax. Tell me what you took. Anything. What do you see right now?"'Anything' suggests anything at all. Sure, this black tower isn't that soothing yellow any longer...But spiraling, man...YES!....who are you...wearing the hottest electro-swing tinsel hair I ever invistigated and suffocating my concentration with....lemme think....right...hey hey. I promise...real breaths between each thought to ensure equal interals of deep external reflection and pleasant lucidity, sweet, dont worry.

Wait, didn't she ask me a question?..."Yeah, I'm Jax. I'm in the middle of....an aesthetic deduction of the world-as-large, dontworryaboutit..." Probably not the world's clearest statement, but who gives a rat's...diseased rat corpse frozen in Zuernary ice. I clench words into jokes and that fact makes me conditionally happy.

"Of course I'm going to worry! You look like you're about to black out or something. You seem like you're on more than you usually are. Which is a terribly large amount already, if I have any partiality. What are you on right now? [__]?"

"Anything, honey, a transdimensional disgorgment of your mind's making...Though whippits are contraban and I haven't eaten in hours yet..." Did I do all of that...Yellow's shift can be so powerful. Tell love about the man behind the curtain....My futile linguistic knots from a minute ago comes out more like a whistleable tune. I forgot I was speaking English. Probably still am...Mostly was. Oh well then. Her puffy bear jacket, dark clouds and starlight, shimmers closer to hear more clearly. "You don't sound like you're having fun by the way you're talking and breathing right now. Poor blood circulation from sinks in your cheeks. I dislike it. How about a little smooch to quicken the pace of our transfixing trance? Hold on."

Baby, everything is not ok here. One blessed kiss from your lips to uplift the plot by at LEAST 1%, Yeah? Yeah. Your colgate glove angel inches towards my caving cold...I use the atmosphere like nitrous and inhale some more space between us. "Isn't there something I can get you than just a kiss? Or is this party effect just for me?" My vision tries to wiggle while layering more on the aurals, of resonate feather kisses into the auditorium of thralls we command. "I dunno; it's your world and if you want to kiss me, please do." I reassure the superresistant gravitational divine perched on my absolved gravestone plateau. The closest thing to an angel is this thing on top of me. Cloud9 caved in and pooled around us the second our lips connected...Her solemn clown fuel smile polka dots the inside of my eye lids through the nothingness...Wake up, Jax. "I'm gonna get you something, but first you got to wake up! Jax!!!!" Pain. Go.ahead.and.wake....... I'm...too.comfy.......