haha ok wow where to begin

ok well! new housing situation i find myself in a sprawling rococo-slash-actual-space-observatory nightmare which is actually more cash than it sounds but make no mistake this is a fucking monstrosity of a home it is HUGE

consider also that it's a brain house, like my head and a squid prince from the stars (OK WAIT YIKES I DIDNT THINK OF IT THAT WAY BEFORE LOL I HAVE A TYPE I GUESS YIKESSSS)'s head kinda just came together like chocolate and peanut butter but instead of a delightful confectionery snack known to the world as Reese's(c) Peanut Bubber(tm) Cupz we have ended up with a place to call home

and ok like it's really nice i guess i cant process anything good without first calling it bad but it's good there's a lot of cool stuff here it's a comfortable living space and i don't ALWAYS feel completely on edge which is new? anyway

so my roommate fucked up. not gonna name names or anything but he fucked up i think he wanted to fix the world or something but like literally everyone who takes it upon themselves to get that done in a day, he ended up making it worse? so i mean, a universal story i guess does that make sense?

and like... ok so i thought he was taking all this WAY too well for what it is but the more i pay attention to him the more im like, 99% sure he's just not addressing it mentally. like not even actively ignoring it just, pointedly not Going There in his own head ever like he's not engaging with his own head on any level deeper than the shallowest of shallow depths

so he's majorly fucked up over his failure he keeps talking like he can still fix it somehow? but idk like if you were here you would agree, it doesn't seem likely. there's only so many times you can drop a vase on the floor before you forget what pieces you glued together in which way - or hell, you just can't glue these tiny shards at ALL anymore. he's on drop number, like - 100 by now like this world is dead as shit the only people still alive are immortals like him and i

im not even kidding there are times when i just find him staring off in the distance smiling and not even doing anything just totally spaced out staring at the wall or like,  staring like he can see THROUGH the walls and im saying as someone with a fucked up brain, he's starting to freak me out really bad

i mean i guess im more trying to say im concerned or worried but that feels weird to say. let's pretend that's what i said

there's all kinds of other terrible awful bad factors at play here too but those aren't important i guess im just like... what the fuck do i do?? ive never been anyone's rock before this is like, brand new territory

i wanna open his eyes at least to the fact that this world is done, it'll never be okay again because of what he did but like i want the big point i guess to be more like... redemption??? which again, also new. someone fucks up by you, you kill them, that's how ive always been. but IDK i dont think i could kill him. no one knows me better than he does now and he doesn't even judge me or think im bad and he doesn't act all shocked when im just being myself he doesn't get all like, patronizing or condescending and act like i should just Stop having a fuckbrain so idk things are too good with him and i wanna return the favor

shit im rambling IDK what to do