Ezekiel Ly

When Rain and Ezekiel met, Ezekiel was instantly drawn to him. Whether it was Rain's extroverted attitude, or the fact that Rain was Vietnamese, just like him, it's hard to say.

From early on, Ezekiel began to look up to Rain. It was sort of everything he wishes he was, really. Friendly, popular, a leader - social in all the right ways. Ezekiel began to put Rain on a bit of a pedestal for a while. If Rain had an opinion about something, he must have been right. If Rain was accused of murder during a trial, of course he didn't do it. If Rain thought Ezekiel was being too rude, it was best for him to reel back. Though it was still difficult to call Rain a friend, Ezekiel still loved him.

Things changed when Nathaniel killed Milli and Muschel, though. After seeing Rain spending time talking with and playing around with Nathaniel, a pit of contempt began forming in Ezekiel's heart. Both because of his confusion over Rain spending time with a killer at all, and because of how Kohaku was so unbelievably alone after Milli's death. Rain had betrayed his people, in Ezekiel's eyes. So when he learned about Rain's ex-girlfriend and about how the exact same horrible thing happened to the both of them in their childhoods and Ezekiel decided to hurt them, and hurt them, and hurt them... he hoped that there would be no regrets.

And then, Kelly died. And during the trial, Rain was kind to Kohaku. This hurt Ezekiel deeply - more than what he felt with Rain and Nathaniel, and his view of Rain was further tainted in his sight.

With Rain's continuous attempts at reconcilation even despite Ezekiel's obstinate refusal, Ezekiel eventually cooled, and he began to cling to it intensely, for fear of it leaving him behind again. But after a night's rest and seeing Ella's loneliness with his own eyes, Ezekiel knew that what he was doing to Rain was cruel. He also realized that the two of them were much more alike than Ezekiel had ever thought. Though Rain had always been terrified of people knowing the truth about him, Ezekiel silently decided that learning more and more about it couldn't possibly make him hate it.

Hurting Rain was one of Ezekiel's biggest regrets in a perpetually ever-growing pile of them. He had loved them so deeply, like they were a sibling - and yet he treated them terribly. So when Rain was revealed to be Plum's killer along with being the one behind the killing game, and a choice between letting it live or die was put on everyone's shoulders, Ezekiel first did what he always did - deny that Rain was a killer. And even when the truth kept unfurling, he realized that he couldn't possibly kill Rain. Not when he loved him so much. Even if Rain was the mastermind. Ezekiel decided to be selfish and chase after something he wanted, and what he wanted was for Rain to live and to be by his side.

You're like me. And I'm like you.

Initially, Ezekiel saw Ella as just another girl with the light hair and big eyes that he held so much contempt over - except with an airheaded mask over her face. Chatty and outgoing, Ella had wanted to work with Ezekiel from the very start. He thought she could never keep up with him, though; almost no one could.

Ella quickly proved her worth, however - her log was meticulously crafted and kept up with daily, with a wealth of new information to Ezekiel. The two of them wrote about different topics (Ezekiel with people, while Ella with events and the environment), so working together was actually beneficial. With that realization, a collaboration began.

However, said collaboration was often interrupted by different factors - from intense motivations getting in the way of proper daily meetings, to Ella's VHS tape revealing the truth to Ezekiel - she had lied to him about her circumstances days prior. Feeling betrayed at this, Ezekiel held a grudge over it, and he would make it quite clear both to Ella and the people around them that he was upset about being lied to. Rain, who was also lied to in the same way, at the same time, wanted to know the truth behind the lie - and so he and Ezekiel spent several days trying to find the time to confront her.

With Ella's explanation, Ezekiel pitied her. To him, she was just a lonely, naive girl with a lack of life experience to go along with it. Her explanation satisfied him, however - though he was still somewhat cautious after being lied to once, Ezekiel decided to drop it in most situations - especially because Rain had decided to drop it entirely.

As Ella and Ezekiel had not been close to begin with, over time, the two kept to a mostly amicable but somewhat professional relationship - rather than one as close friends. The shock of Nathaniel's true nature was not lost on Ezekiel, however, and even though he could recognize that Ella was even more mortified than the rest of them could ever wish to be, he did not reach out to her. Ezekiel, in his own eyes, was not meant to comfort - not in the way a younger girl would want or need... and so, he kept his distance.

Ella stuck with Rain and Ezekiel stuck with Kelly, and when Kelly died at the hands of Kohaku, Ezekiel was hardly thinking of anyone else. It wasn't until the parasite motivation that Ella came to the forefront of his mind again. When she fell victim to the parasite, the full extent of its nature was still not completely certain, and so Ezekiel was nervous about being around Ella for the rest of the night - and on top of his already existing incessant clinging of Rain, Ezekiel made sure she was left entirely alone for the rest of the night.

With a night's rest and consistent validation, however, Ezekiel realized the very next morning how completely cruel it was of him to leave Ella all by herself when she needed someone most. The regret weighed heavily on him as he and Rain went to visit her first thing, and then Rain had left to rest.

The two of them were alone, together.

A heart-to-heart brought Ella and Ezekiel closer than the two of them ever imagined being. Both of them were unbearably lonely - just like the other. Verbal apologies never suited Ezekiel - never felt right on his tongue, never felt safe to muster, but with Ella, he still tried. But even after Ella accepted the apology, Ezekiel felt it was not enough - and so, he decided to wash off the blood staining her hands, even though touch was just as uncomfortable and unfamiliar. Ezekiel understood that above all else, it was important to comfort Ella in the way she needed to be comforted - with closeness, proximity, touch and kindness. And so he did.

After this, Ezekiel began focusing on protecting Ella. When Rain became infected by the parasite, she was his first priority whenever they were together - especially because of her injuries, which rendered her unable to run. Their shared love of Rain also brought them both to beg to stay with him throughout the night, offering Rain what Ella had been denied the night before... But when Minerva refused to allow them to do so, both eventually relented. That night, when Ezekiel and Ella decided to sleep over at Akari's room, Ezekiel offered the younger girl his cherished teddy bear as comfort, thinking Ella needed it much more than he did.

From that night forward, Ezekiel realized that he loved Ella.

To him, Ella was like a sister. Holding her and touching her wasn't so bad, because she needed it - and he wanted to make her happy after all of the terrible things he had done and said to her. In a way, everything was an attempt at atonement, but they were also genuine acts of love for her. Ella, who's so lonely, just like him.

Are you awake..? ... Are you hungry?

First impressions mean a lot. For Ezekiel, his first impression of Katia was not one that reflected her true self.

Katia filming him without permission soured his view of her immediately, though. He had preferred to stay away from her because of that, but the two of them ended up continuing to run into each other regardless. He didn't understand Katia's requests when the two of them had snuck into Momo's room; it felt strange and immature running around and doing things without permission... But for some reason, he had listened to her anyways.

It wasn't long after that when Katia told him of her... "lore". Though her test subject backstory was as made-up as it gets, Ezekiel cautiously decided to believe her anyways - because, well, if she was being honest... it'd be pretty terrible for him to not take her seriously, right? He wanted to trust her, because he figured it would be very weird and not cool to lie about something like that.

Of course, it was a lie after all. Katia was completely normal - a cute babysitter, no less. Learning the truth only made Ezekiel upset with her. It was an incomprehensible thing to lie about; even after she apologized, he had kept it in his mind that she was just a childish liar.

Though he had lost his trust in her... their relationship from this point forward ended up shifting into one similar to bickering siblings. Ezekiel would not forget to remind her of her lies, and she would not forget to remind him about how it was on him for believing her, actually (and that she had already said sorry). The bickering would often turn humorous, oddly enough - with Ezekiel jokingly accusing her of things like racism, and Katia bouncing right back with accusations of her own. To him, her age showed in these moments, but... the silly, petty arguments were sort of a respite from the stress of the killing game.

It was... nice, to be able to have a lighthearted squabble. For Ezekiel to be able to be calm enough to laugh with someone else.

And with these squabbles, Ezekiel grew fonder of Katia - even if he didn't want to admit as much. He began feeling bad for her. She was so young, and she must have been scared and worried, right? All she wanted was to impress people. Though the lie was still confusing to him, Ezekiel no longer minded it - deciding to reassure her that he already thought she was cool to begin with. There was no need to make things up anymore, because he liked her just the way she was.

... Will you ask this time, Katia..?

Varun was someone that Ezekiel had always seen with immense respect. Though he had a habit of looking down on some of the others on the Aurora (over a multitude of reasons), he considered Varun to be worthy of his approval for being a non-white psychologist.

Varun was a bit of a mystery to Ezekiel. She was a quiet sort, and had often spent her time in the company of people separate from him. His respect for her didn't falter despite this, however; any information that Ezekiel could gleam from their brief conversations were always highly interesting to him. It was probably because he got to talk to Varun so rarely that their words stuck to him to begin with.

However, Ezekiel was unfamiliar with anything further than skin-deep with Varun - so he had always been exceedingly confused over the fact that they always continued eating the ration packets. Ezekiel interpreted it as a stubbornness, or perhaps an act of laziness slash depressive lack of motivation. Regardless, Ezekiel had felt bad watching Varun continue to eat the tasteless, disgusting rations, and so he had began making him the occasional real peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Making and providing food was how Ezekiel showed their love and care for others, and Varun was no exception. Even though they had barely known anything about her, that respect they held had still shifted to a form of love, anyway. It was only natural, after all. Ezekiel had noticed Varun and Katia's closeness as well, and reasoned that it was even further evidence of Varun being a good, warm person even despite her few words.

Here, I'll make more. So that you stop eating those damn rations.

Ezekiel loved Akari Kiyota very deeply. She was like an older sister to him - someone wonderful and amazing that demanded his respect, as untouchable as an older sibling is. Someone beautiful and inspiring, someone who was an incredible leader and a cherished friend to all.

That's why her execution filled him with a deep hollow pain in his chest, and when another woman with the same face as her was born and came into his life, he initially just... didn't know how to feel.

It was strange, meeting Light for the first time. The wound from watching Akari die was still fresh - brand new. Ezekiel wasn't yet prepared to handle seeing Light. Even though her eyes were that beautiful milky color, he could still see Akari behind them. Or perhaps it was only a projection of his own feelings being reflected back at him - his painful yearning to see the one he once knew one more time, manifesting in his perception of the woman in front of him.

Regardless, the final truth was that Light was not Akari. She would never be her, and Ezekiel began to accept that once she had settled on a name for herself.

Light didn't deserve to live in someone else's shadow. Though Ezekiel couldn't forget Akari, he knew that it was important to begin treating Light as her own person - especially since... she had just been born. Akari would have wanted that, wouldn't she? Ezekiel felt this in his heart, and so he began to care for Light.

Cooking her first ever meal was a mark of this for him. Maybe it was a bit soon, and maybe at first it was at least partially because Light had her face, but Ezekiel came to love her just as he loved the others on the Aurora. He afforded her a degree of patience that was rare for him, and even found her joy and curiosity for the world somewhat infectious as well - even if he didn't always show it. Getting to teach her about even the little things was fulfilling, and it even helped him learn, too.

In the end, Light was Light, and Ezekiel loved her for who she was. She became like a younger sister to him, rather than older like her predecessor. Ezekiel never had any younger siblings, but getting to teach and care for Light made him feel like he'd begin learning what it was like anyway.

To be human is to be selfish. And that's beautiful, isn't it?

Though many on the Aurora had treated Minerva with kindness from the start, Ezekiel was one of those who initially viewed her with nothing but distrust and skepticism. She was one of those who had been helping run the killing game, after all - to him, it was strange how so many were willing to look past that, even if that smile was always plastered on her face.

He disliked her smile. Not because of the lack of emotion behind it - no, he was familiar with faking things for the sake of others, too. It was simpler than that; to him, Minerva's smile was awful because it simply was. An awkward reflection of human expression, made by someone who was not born to be human to begin with. Not truly. Maybe it was because of that that Ezekiel initially struggled with her, too - but with struggle came an intense curiosity.

Ezekiel was interested and invested whenever he had the opportunity to learn about her. Even when some of her answers were as simple he expected them to be, he found value in the fact that they were her words - her thoughts. He had never interacted with such an advanced robot before, of course. Getting to know her was always fascinating to him.

Though Minerva's existence enthralled him, Ezekiel would also come to envy her. It would have been so nice to have no emotions - just like her. And though he looked down on others for relying on an unfeeling robot like her to tend to their emotional wounds, he had ended up doing the exact same thing at his lowest point after Kelly had died. Ezekiel knew she was built and programmed for it to begin with, but he still found his loneliness quelled by her comfort at least a little bit anyway.

He had begun treating her like an object as he wallowed in his own misery - taking advantage of her unconditional kindness for him and trying to cling to that programming of hers as he began to hate the human people around him. It lasted until he had remembered why he loved humanity so much in the first place; and after an emotional apology and a warm hug, Ezekiel decided he would never do that to her (or anyone else, for that matter) again.

To him, her kindness was like the kindness of a mother. Not the harsh sort of tough love that he's more accustomed to, but the genuine, pure, unconditional love a mother should have for her child. Like a warm slice of banana cake after a depressing day at school. He ended up loving her intensely.

Minerva's admission of her love for the voyagers meant the world to Ezekiel, and he held onto it as he listened to her sing, and as he watched her go to sleep and die. He didn't know her as well as others did, but his chest still clenched in pain when they all lost her. She cared for them so much, after all - in programming, but also in her own way, too... so Ezekiel had no choice but to love her back.

I love you too, Minerva. I love you... and. I'm sorry. Again.

When Ezekiel and Plum first met, he had a similar initial reaction to her as the rest of the voyagers. Her blunt and overall crabby attitude was unwelcome, and it certainly didn't help calm anyone's nerves when it came to the situation they were all involved with.

He had no interest in calling for her help, and especially not after she had begun showing her habit of voicing personal information aloud - personal information that she had somehow been aware of. The idea of anyone knowing intimate details about him and his past (let alone things like his mother's Vietnamese name, no less) made a deep-rooted anxiety scratch away at Ezekiel from deep down, and so it had always deeply unnerved him how Plum had known so much about all of the voyagers.

Though Plum was rude to everyone on the Aurora, Ezekiel would have been a hypocrite to truly criticize her for that. Despite that, there were times where he would still insult her character in an attempt to cheer the ones hurt by her words back up, however. A sort of antagonistic relationship with her stayed at the forefront of his mind for some time, whether it was mutual or not.

The more Plum would speak to him, though... the more Ezekiel's feelings towards her would shift.

Insults and rough words directed towards him during his times of self-destruction would be reinterpreted as something more familiar and close to him than the hate from a stranger. No - rather than taking her comments as cruelty like the other voyagers would, Ezekiel was instead reminded of the love of a mother. He had begun seeing her as a mother-like figure to him - one that truly cared, but would only voice that care in the only way she knew how. He began to stop minding her rudeness, and instead started to treasure them as her own awkward attempts at trying to look after him.

Plum's death had impacted Ezekiel deeply, to the point where he felt a strong urge to write her a goodbye letter in his journal - an attempt at putting his intense feelings into words. She would never read this letter, of course, but he had felt as though at least penning them down would allow them to reach her - wherever she is. Once finishing his letter, he had decided to put all of himself into helping find her killer. In the end, Ezekiel refused to vote for Rain both because he had loved them, but also because Rain was someone that Plum had loved - and he didn't want to kill anyone like that.

I love you, Plum. I’m sorry for everything.

...

Miriam Lin was the woman that Ezekiel Ly loved. She was his best friend, his confidant, his sister. Their blood wasn't the same, no... but it was still yellow nonetheless.

She and him were coworkers. A fellow anthropologist, Miriam shared the same passions as him. She was the only person who he could trust to keep up with him, and Ezekiel always loved hearing the stories she'd tell - both about her life and her work. He loved her writing, and he was always the first person to promote all of her papers and books. He loved her genuine heart, and he loved how she would always be earnest and sincere with him.

But it was because he loved her, and because she loved him back, that he felt as though he had to leave her. He tried to destroy everything the two of them had, even as both of their hearts were breaking. He tried to leave, leave, leave, so that she could never even have the chance to crush his heart into dust like he was so terrified of. So that he could never hurt her again.

It didn't work. Miriam Lin would continue to love him even then, and to this day Ezekiel regrets it all. His final words to her always replay in his mind, over and over again, and the grief of hurting his very best friend so, so much continues to claw away at him forever.

...

In Vietnamese, the word for missing someone and remembering them is the same: nhớ.