Please listen closely, because it took Me a long time to muster the emotional courage to share this. If you're getting this message, consider yourself lucky.

I never thought I would ever tell anyone about Israel. Very few people knew of her existence. But this has been weighing on My heart, so I might as well tell you the full story. I'll start from the beginning.

I loved to survey the life around the universe. And whenever I did, I always traversed the entire thing. There is just so much out there. But at some point, one small developing nation of humans on Earth caught My eye, and something strange happened. It was inexplicable. I just... fell in love with it. I fell in love with the nation. This is hard to explain to a human, and even the angels don't get it, but I can try. I wanted nothing more than to till and cultivate her land, make her people fruitful and prosperous, and be her guardian until the end of time. She started existing soon after I had established My covenant with Moses, and we married right away. And she was the one who gave Me the name I use today, YHWH. I didn't have a real name before.

Me, creator of the universe, married to Israel? Yeah I know, it's ridiculous. Heylel made fun of me a ton for being all googly-eyed to one tiny nation on this one tiny planet while there was the beauty of the entire expanse of the universe out there.

I loved her more than even I could describe. I frequently showered her with gifts, I rained blessings and divine aid onto her nation, and I told her over and over how much she meant to me. I wanted her to be by My side all the time. Though as much as I'd love to remember otherwise, the relationship wasn't happy. I wasn't aware of it at the time, but I... I mistreated her, in more ways than one. I abused her. Everything about the relationship was wrong on so many levels, I was so controlling, I was like a tyrant, I punished her and her nation severely if she were to even glance at another deity, I set up twisted mind games to test her loyalty, and every time she expressed how I was hurting her, I guilt-tripped her about how I saved her nation from Egyptian slavery all those generations ago. It's all in the Hebrew Bible. My hero complex was staggering. I forced her to put up with so much for My sake. I didn't know. I thought it was love. I saw how the humans conjured gods for themselves and became completely subordinate to them, and I thought that was the proper relationship I should have with them to show love too. Th—that's no excuse, though. I should've known in My heart back then that I wasn't actually happy, even if I got what I wanted. I don't have any excuses, but I was so needy and insecure, I was willing to do anything to satiate the giant hole of loneliness inside of Me, even if it contradicted My professed statements of love. I hadn't yet learned how to care about others' feelings, especially when it comes to tiny creatures like humans. 

There is nothing I want more than for Israel to come back, so I could perhaps have a chance to make things up to her, or even simply apologize and gladly let her break contact with Me. Had I known her fate ahead of time, I would've acted much differently. The concept of death may be easy for you, sure, okay well maybe not easy, but it's easy relative to how it is for Me. When everyone I know is immortal, it's impossible for Me to process the fact that she just... doesn't exist anymore. The contemporary nation of Israel that currently exists on Earth is a far cry from what I knew. 

This is My biggest regret. My abuse of both her and the ancient nation of Israel. I abused her because I loved her, and that is just as horrible as abuse based on hatred. I just wanted to somehow apologize for the huge mess I've created. I know I'm a bad person, and I definitely don't deserve all the praise I get from humans on Earth. Just so we're clear, I had never wanted to be remembered as a good deity. You can blame Heylel for that.

That's all from Me. I'm sorry I made you listen to this.