Lady Siva

♢ Traits ♢

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Crest: Triangle (common)

Horns: Curve (common)

Tail: Wolven (common)

Magic: Perception (common) || Arcane (common)

Type: Standard

Additional Traits:- Short Face Feathers (common)

Why do I still think back to that time? Why can't I love a man who is nothing but good for me? Why to you still come to my mind? Why can't I forget about a man I never really knew? Stuck.

Personality

Reserved and outwardly cheery. She has a habit of saying what comes to mind first. She tries very hard not to though. She likes to go where-ever her husband, Brynjar, takes her and is very easy going. She can be moody and has a habit of being sad. She adores her children Leon and Hera. She is more open to people she knows but comes off as someone with a sense of humor. Many gravitate to her as she says odd and interesting things.  She is a true lady though and is not overly goofy but knows how to let her hair down from time to time. She brings joy to her husband's life and gets him to relax.

Backstory

Siva grew up in her own head. She would dream up all kinds of things and was very good at entertaining herself. She always had ideas and had a personality that made others gravitate towards her. Her parents enjoyed how life-like she was. She didn't wait up for others and was always busy with one project or another. 

While growing up she started to read a lot of novels. Fantasy with a little hint of romance were her favorites. She read so many that she became bent on finding that perfect guy. The more she learned about the world the more particular she became. Most guys her age didn't seem to be mature enough for her. Each guy she met her perception skill helped her to analyze them. Every time she felt one had potential, they ended up falling flat or disappointing her. Siva was as one would say an old soul.

Soon it was time for her to learn more proper things in life. She was being groomed to be a lady and while some lessons were strict her parents gave her the freedom to be what she wanted. This included whom she could marry. Her parents knew how picky she was so it would have been a miracle if she brought anyone home and the guy would have to be extraordinary. As she got older she felt her intelligent was not enough. She felt average among a sea of others and not ready for the world. She was mature but she felt all the guys she wanted were more intelligent. She began to withdraw more and put her attention into learning than really socializing. Sticking to studies made her even more terrified to talk to others and became less and less confident in her ability to talk to people. Drowning in her fear she would not be interesting enough for people to stay with her for too long. She kept people at arms length and closed her doors. At the surface she was funny and well liked but she had given up that she'd find someone.

It was then a guy of no importance stepped into her life. Talyson was a charming guy. He introduced himself and the two hit it off. They seemed to have the same type of humor and they filled their conversations with laughter. Siva enjoyed every interaction with him as he always had a story to tell and a joke under his belt. She had never laughed so hard. In time she started to grow attached. Siva would get overly excited to see him and she wanted to always be first to talk to him. She was a little obvious in her attraction but she could tell he returned the same affection. She felt beautiful and smart in his eyes.

Then something started to become strange between them. Talyson started to disappear for days and weeks at a time. At first she was fine with it and then she started to question if she was boring him. He would say something off color but she could tell he liked her. It hurt but then he'd say something that would make her laugh smoothing the stone going down. In and out of her life he kept coming. She started to despair. Instead of detaching herself like a smart person, she only wanted more. She felt like she was addicted to a drug. She just felt so happy with him but would cry when he was away. She felt stupid waiting for him. He would go off on an adventure and then when he was taking a break would come find her. It felt like he was only interested in her when he had nothing better to do. She felt used waiting on something that would never be returned. She had no reason to be mad, they were not together but everything he was saying to her said he was interested.  

She felt so alone. Like he was opening the box to the world and then closing it on her. It was driving her mad. She wanted the pain to end so she outright asked him to be with her. She loved him. Though to ask and to find out he didn't return the same feelings their friendship would change. She thought if she knew the answer she would be fine. It killed her to love someone who would ghost but give flags of interest. She was so scared that she didn't speak to him directly. While he was on a trip she said it through a long winded message. What am I to you? Horrified that she sent the message she tried to retract it. She wanted to go back to him being oblivious. It was returned with disinterest. She could feel he was lying. She wished she could look him in the eyes and ask him again. She thought this was the answer she wanted but why didn't she feel free of him? 

Interactions became limited to messages. She thought she could handle his rejection and stay friends but each time he joked about them being a pair or said something like I thought about you it was like he was stabbing her. She just wanted to move on and heal. It felt like she had a million shards slowly being pushed into her heart and she was using all her powers to push them out. Then there was radio silence. She felt empty and felt like she was the only one that had felt anything. She began grasping at what ever guy showed her kindness. She wanted the void gone, she wanted to be loved. She spent nights crying and felt stupid crying over a guy who ghosted her and possibly abused her mentally. Why was she so sensitive? Why did she still want him?

It was in this moment she met Brynjar. He was friendly and warm and it was a nice change of pace. She started to laugh again and with this she felt like she was able to sleep soundly. Then Talyson came back and she felt like heaven had come back. She  wanted everything and in that instance it felt like he wanted the same.  He stayed with her longer than he had ever been. She was so happy and could live in the bliss. This was everything she wanted. Then as suddenly as he appeared, he vanished. She felt used again and felt stupid for letting him back in. Why did she think he would change?

Siva looking for someone to hold onto she turned back to Brynjar. Brynjar was more open about his friendship with her. He spent a lot of time with her. Seeking to be with her as much as she wanted to be with him. She felt wanted again but Talyson's ghost still lingered. A ghost she would find out would be an egg. She wanted to keep the egg. She felt stupid like she was still an addict but she wanted to hold onto some part of Talyson. Since her standing would shame her if she had a fatherless child she approached Brynjar again. She told him everything about her past with Talyson. She expected to be turned away but Brynjar embraced her. She felt like she was allowed something and she cried into those great big bear arms.

She felt at peace with Bryjar. He was not as tender as Talyson but she knew he loved her. It was shown in the things he did for her. He would bring her home things he knew she liked and try and make her laugh. Siva was happy but soon she felt there was no spark. She cared about Brynjar but she didn't love him. She wanted to love him and would be sad if they were no longer together but as she willed her heart she couldn't feel what she had with Talyson. He always hovered her quiet times like a curse. She still wanted and she hated it.

Her son Leon was born and he was the brightest star in her universe. She saw so much of Talyson in him. Siva loved Leon and babied her son. Due to him being illegitimate, Siva would need to sire a different child with Brynjar. Leon looked nothing like Brynjar so people were starting to talk. Siva ignored most of the talk and she felt happy. Just when she was starting to forget Taylson he returned.

Like a bad penny Talyson showed up. All the past trauma returned she couldn't keep doing this to herself. She felt stupid letting him keep coming back and affect her. She couldn't keep pretending everything was fine between them. With this she told him all her pain through shakes and gallons of tears. Talyson confessed. He had been regretting leaving her, he had been in love with her all this time and her venting pained him. He wanted to be with her now. Siva was broken having him admit it. She felt all kinds of things. She wanted him to go. She wanted him. She just wanted to jump into his arms but Brynjar. Bryjar did nothing wrong and she couldn't hurt him for a man who had cause her so much pain. Siva told Talyson about Leon and being married and she could see the color drain from his face. He retracted trying to bow out. He vanished again.

Knowing he still cared about her made it worse. She wanted Talyson and only him. She considered running after him but found out he was with someone else a month after expressing his feelings. It felt like he wasn't really into her. She had been alone and in pain for so long and he moved on within a month.

Siva dedicated her time to raising Leon and after a year Hera was born. Siva poured her time into her kids and Bryjar. She was blind to Talyson and tried to forget but under it all she still wondered what he was up to. This is the life she wants why can't she truly love the man in front of her? At least she was happy. She would take this secret to her grave.

Friends/Acquaintance 

Talyson: Neither friend nor foe

Family

Brynjar: Her loving husband

Hera: Her daughter

Leon: Her Son