Profile
Belial/Ezra | guardian angel | genderless
-Ezra was a very curious angel before he fell for disagreeing with heaven's doctrine. His angel name is Ezra, but when he fell, he was given the name Belial. Only his friend Elijah calls him Ezra. Even his demon friends on Earth do not know his angel name as he will not share it. It brings up traumatizing memories and the rejection of his best friend and love, Elijah. Ezra feels love and hate for his old home and belief system.
-Ezra always believed in god, but he had many questions about teachings and was very curious about the human experience. His teachers discouraged him and looked down on him, sometimes even degrading him for the questions he asked. Slowly he stopped wanting to ask questions, so they rattled in his head. Ezra also loved watching the humans he helped grow up. He really cared about them, but didn't always know how to guide them. He copied stuff like climbing tall trees, cliff-diving, hair styling, weaving. In one way, he loved doing this stuff, but in another it helped him connect and empathize with them, even if they weren't exactly the same.
-For angels, nudity is kinda controversial. On one hand the church preaches modesty and covering up is seen as holy (such as priests and nuns), but nudity is not inherently sexual to many. Some consider it pure, but others find it sexual. Most high angels are highly decadent and modest, but many lower angels and seraphim never or occasionally wear clothing (the closer to god and the higher the leadership/teaching position, the higher an angel you are considered.) Ezra likes the freedom of light, short clothing and will go nude occasionally for fun. Elijah finds nudity sexual and is highly uncomfortable when this happens. He will find an excuse to keep his clothes on and avoid looking at or talking to Ezra. Ezra thinks there's something wrong with him when Elijah does this, so he slowly stopped doing it due to learned shame.
-Angels have no gender, but they have human-like anatomy. Ezra has male anatomy. He's referred to as he or they. He is not a man. Ezra is attracted to other angels and humans--especially Elijah. Like the human's he looked after, he wanted to try kissing. His first was with Elijah--even though he was very against it. Elijah and Ezra were formed around the same time, so they've spent a lot of time together. Both care a lot for the other. Ezra is very affectionate to Elijah--for a long time in a platonic way, but after kissing him, romantically too. Elijah However, has felt intense romantic and sexual feelings for Ezra for a long time. Both love each other, but Ezra thinks Elijah is disgusted by him, and Elijah believes it's wrong and feels deeply broken.
-Ezra disagreed with Elijah that his sexual/romantic feelings were wrong and he was kicked out for it. The head angel said he violated the rules and was directly disobeying and rejecting god. He was publicly shamed for it, his hair was cut, his robe cord severed, his halo shattered, and his feathers plucked before he was thrown out. He called for Elijah to help, but he looked away. When Ezra fell to Earth, he was helped by other demons that fell too. He was deeply distrustful, but warmed up to them--especially one demon that cleaned him up, talked to him when he was too afraid to speak, and gave him a hair cut. Hair is extremely important to angels. It is shameful to have it cut. Only demons or sinful angels have cut hair--and when it's cut it looks mangled. Ezra wanted to go home, and still has complicated feelings about it, but currently he's happy on Earth. He feels a nostalgia for his faith, but has left it. At first he said that he believed in god, but disagreed with him being just, but now he doesn't think he's real at all. He choses not to live a life that is deeply hurtful and repressed just in case he's wrong. No angel has ever seen god. Even thrones and seraphim are not allowed to look at god--those that have tried have had their faces burned off. There is no way to say.
-"Why would a loving god chose to make me suffer when he could as easily not? That's not love and I will not live my entire life in agony just in case."
