Before giving himself up to the darkness, Hesperus had somehow found him again. And told him his feelings. And with that, he didn't have to give up his feelings but did keep his shadow powers
While on this long journey, doubts tend to come in mind "what if when I do this I won't lose my feelings for him", "what of I'm never the same after this", "do I really want to stop loving him all for power?"
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