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Born the sole heir to an incredibly insignificant noble family, Audemus nonetheless had a great deal of expectations surrounding his person, even in infancy. What his parents quickly discovered was that their son would fulfill little to none of those expectations, being born with a degree of special needs. They hired a doctor to ‘fix’ their son, rather than attempting to understand him or accommodate his needs themselves. That should tell you enough about what kind of people they were.
They were not abusive, but neglectful. And their neglect did not go unnoticed, and ultimately led to Audemus separating himself from his family at the age of 15.
When Audemus was 18 years old, he had a near-death encounter that left him hospitalized and in need of life-saving surgery. This encounter scarred him both physically and mentally, and permanently changed his quality-of-life for the worse. Even at the age of 60, he does not talk about what he endured. This experience is the reason he is as paranoid and hyper-vigilant as he is.
Audemus’ best friend is a (now) ex-prostitute by the name of Brandy; a woman who saved his life when he was 18 years old. Brandy created what we would call a support group: a club for survivors of various traumatic experiences… one which Audemus would certainly have benefited from psychologically. But because of his crippling inability to talk about his own experiences, he has not joined the group.
At the same time, talking about his experiences has also backfired on him. In confiding in Kai, Audemus unknowingly gave Kai the excuse he needed to outright assassinate Audemus’ noble parents. Kai did this for selfish reasons—Audemus was their sole heir—but he could use a veneer of revenge as justification. Audemus did not want his parents assassinated, nor did he want to take up the title of Lord.
It’s very much a "damned if you do, damned if you don’t" type situation in Audemus’ mind.
Society in general would deem Audemus virtuous. He’s a responsible feudal lord in Vindris and a congressional politician for the city of Theracarcus, with a mind for the safety and wellbeing of the citizenry. He earned his position as Didact through hard work and years of innovation as a scholar of necromancy.
Necromancy is not ‘dark, forbidden magic’ in this world: it is a field of study, much like any other. One concerned primarily with dead things, certainly. Oh, and it has its fair share of ethical debates. But the same can be said for forensics and medicine. Audemus is more than willing to tackle the ethics of his field of study; it's important necromancy is practiced in a responsible, respectful manner.
All that being said, Audemus is widely considered to be a creepy fellow. Necromancy is the most unsettling school of magic, to be sure. And his appearance and demeanor do him little favors. He may be regarded as a theoretically 'good' guy, but he’s also a scary guy, and most certainly not one to be trifled with.
Audemus sees himself as a morally gray character. He has done dark, shameful things in the name of the greater good. He has ruined lives in order to free others. He has done and will do bad things over the course of the story. The question is… do his good deeds outweigh the bad?
In a dusty frontier town, the town doctor and a wayward vagabond ended up hooking up after a chance encounter at the tavern. It was nothing spectacular, just a little bit of action between two casually interested parties.
Except that wasn’t the case at all. Kai had come to the town on a mission, and upon picking up that the town doctor was interested in men like himself, he had the perfect plan. Kai stole poison from the doctor’s medical supplies after the man fell asleep. He used that poison to take out his target—a woman living a double-life as a slaver—and framed the doctor for cold-blooded murder. And it worked like a charm.
It’s not necessarily that Audemus thought he could depend on Kai. But he certainly wasn’t expecting a one-night-stand to result in an angry posse being sic’d on him, his clinic burnt to ash. So he took to the hills, vowing to exact his revenge.
Then, three years later, Kai and Audemus got married. Funny how that works out.
Audemus is not a man with a great deal of relationship experience, mostly because of an incident in his mid-teens that shaped his perception of his own romantic capabilities. He was told that he lacked the capacity to feel love and believed it, because it came from someone who meant well and someone who he trusted. But because he believed it, Audemus never really sought out romantic connection. This is his greatest flaw. He is not innately aromantic, rather he is what we would define as demiromantic. He just needs to form a strong enough bond of trust with someone in order for those feelings of love to manifest. The brief few stints he had in dating ended before he could form that sort of bond.
Now, neither he nor his husband believe that there is any love in their relationship, because neither of them believe they feel 'love' like normal people do. But they've been married for nearly 30 years... and that is more than enough time for a genuine bond to take root.
As a doctor, Audemus does not enjoy the suffering of others. He, in fact, actively goes out of his way to prevent and remedy the suffering of others. As a man, Audemus also does not enjoy his own suffering, despite experiencing it immeasurably every single day of his existence. He safely self-medicates in order to make things a little bit easier.
"Turn?" No, Audemus isn't the type to "turn" on anyone. Abandon? Yes, absolutely. Because he can always come back and revive someone later, if need be. If he just met someone, that is the route he would take: self-preservation is top priority in order to do his job, which is healing and resurrecting people. It's a brutal sort of logic, but it's a logic nonetheless.
Audemus practices masking because he wants to come off as 'sane' (or as close to it as he can realistically manage) in the eyes of society, especially in being a supremely public figure. But when the walls come down, in the privacy of his own home by himself, he self-soothes by stimming with soft fabrics. He enjoys pinching and swirling materials as well as petting fine fabrics such as silk, velvet, and vicuña. Also, simply being in his own carefully curated space—his immaculately designed villa—is enough to make him feel a genuine sense of safety and comfort that he cannot find anywhere else.
However, in general, Audemus is a man who usually feels insecure and unsafe. He is deeply anxious and wary, and has good reasons to be. Both his traumatizing past and his political present have molded him into a paranoid man. Being surprised can be enough to cause him to lash out physically. Being out of control makes him feel unsafe. Being followed too closely from behind makes him feel unsafe. I could go more in-depth with this, but suffice to say, Audemus is usually on high-alert.
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