Profile
JOHN LESTRIDIER
BASICS
It's horrible! Do you have any idea how many foul, unchristianlike things people have been using MY phones for? Too many! That's what! Ha, it’s certainly not my soul that’s going to need saving!
OVERVIEW
devout . prideful . astute . insecure . meticulous . unstable
Hyper-Christian, hyper-successful, and hyper-insufferable, John Lestridier is the millionaire founder and CEO of tech company Corvidae—a corporate juggernaut known for its sleek smartphones and flashy software. This Forbes 30 Under 30 wunderkind does everything in his power to keep up a cheery, energetic façade, desperate to keep people from discovering the crumbling mess of a man underneath. Look a little closer past this pipsqueak’s forced smile and pseudo-sermon squawking and you’ll see the way he jumps and recoils at the slightest provocation, the way he waves off concerns and holes up in his office for hours at a time. Unwilling or unable to process the trauma of his deeply troubled upbringing, John is, at his core, a smart but very scared, very depressed young man, and he’d much rather live in a state of denial than face his own Issues Problems. Besides, the Lord will sort it all out. He always does. :)
(...John may or may not be having a mild-to-severe crisis of faith right now. He may or may not be mild-to-severely obsessed with figuring out how to get God to notice and not abandon him. Don't worry about it. It's fine.)
Seemingly deadset on absolutely speedrunning his midlife crisis, John has come crawling back to his Florida hometown in the months following his messy divorce, leaving the glitzy NYC flat he shared with his (now ex-) wife (of eight months) to move into a more subdued apartment out of the public eye. It’s the perfect place to stew in his misery and his mental anguish, except for the fact it’s recently become haunted by something… nasty. Begrudgingly asking a few favors to get it looked into, John doesn’t have a lot of confidence in supposed “paranormal activity,” but, hm, it can’t hurt to check. Anything to take care of the situation so he can get back to his work. It needs him.
Definitely not the other way around.
✔ Likes: the Bible, angelology, programming and computers, hard boiled eggs, cats and birds, graphic design, when everything is accounted for, well-tailored suits, house plants
✖ Dislikes: Catholics, loud noises, the cold, most other animals, information being purposely kept from him, social media, dirt and disarray, video games, driving
TRIVIA
- As a child, he actually wanted to pursue an artistic career, but that desire was squashed by the time he went to college. He did design Corvidae’s logo himself, though.
- Has a special interest in birds and especially bird wings, and often sketches meticulous anatomical diagrams of them in expensive notebooks he never shares with anyone.
- Has a minor is psychology (ugh.)
- Is verified on Twitter, and literally cannot shut up on there.
- Considers his silver cross necklace one of his favorite possessions. It was a gift from his mom.
- Can speak Cantonese, Mandarin, Spanish, and French.
- Only has eight toes--two were amputated after suffering frostbite during a horrible childhood incident while on vacation in snowy Vermont.
- Has a form of frigophobia (fear of cold) stemming from this incident.
- Is left handed.
- Ok, look, it is purely coincidental that he somehow looks exactly like Martin Shkreli; I had zero say in that. I don't know why God is playing a cruel prank on me. Like seriously, look at this shit.
RELATIONSHIPS
- Dave English — "Brother." Not actually related, but they’ve been best friends since childhood. Their relationship is vitriolic and antagonizing, but ultimately one of mutual respect. John has perhaps taken their friendship for granted, though, and Dave’s untimely, tragic passing has made this revelation all the more upsetting.
- Laurie Cromwell — High School Ex-Girlfriend. Still a little bit bitter at her for breaking up with him (A DECADE AGO,) but has tried to keep a cordial, albeit distant, “friendship” with her. Has had to swallow his pride and beg for her help on his... particularly supernatural situation as of late.
- Willard Lestridier — Father. Hmm, well, you know what they say! Love thy father? Oh, no no no. More like, if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. John’s lips are sealed (for better or worse.)
- Gracie Lestridier — Mother. Has more love and compassion for her than for probably any other human on Earth. A Mama's Boy 100%
- Rhea Papoulia — Ex-Wife. Yiiiiikes! Post-divorce, this situation's still a minefield. She isn't on speaking terms with him, and you know what? Good for her.
