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Content Warning

There will be cursing, talk of sexual assault, and talk of other PTSD-related events. If you are easily shaken then you should not read any of this.

Lait's Ideals

Let's get all of the dark shit out of the way, because Lait doesn't like to dwell on it. She has her nights where she clutches a stuffed animal and screams into it during an episode of stronger PTSD flashbacks, but she usually avoids discussing these sorts of things. Lait has gotten so proficient at hiding panic attacks that she can be having a full-blown breakdown while in public and nobody will notice, because she can isolate her emotions from her body. She does not, however, believe that blocking them completely is healthy for her, and allows herself to feel terror and sadness in appropriate situations.

Lait used to block out her emotions, but after having an episode where she was relieved to be capable of crying, she went cold turkey on that method. Working with her various doctors, she even managed to safely stop taking antidepressants. She was caught up about this, but ultimately decided that she wanted to be able to feel all of her emotions at their normal intensity again, even the bad ones. Mind you, this was after years of therapy and learning how to cope with her depression. Lait absolutely does not think that going off meds is ever a good idea unless the person in question is entirely sure that they want to and it is not a health risk for them.

As of now, Lait is relieved to be capable of disliking people. She used to force herself to like everyone, assuming that all negativity was a symptom of her depression, when in reality sadness and depression are two entirely different things. Being capable of hating people came hand-in-hand with being capable of loving people, and Lait is genuinely overjoyed with how her life currently is, even though it is admittedly harder to manage her depression without medication.

Lait would never willingly hurt another person unless it was in genuine self defense. She is known to have a bit of a sharp tongue from time to time, but usually chooses to simply avoid people that she doesn't like. She is not, however, afraid of confrontation and will absolutely butt heads with people who annoy her.

Lait will NOT tolerate homophobia or transphobia. She will also, however, not usually get outwardly angry when faced with them, but instead choose to refute any points that she is given.

Sexuality

Lait grew up being a lesbian and knowing that she was a lesbian. Raised in a surprisingly-tolerant community, she never hid her identity until high school, when she was hit with the very harsh reality that being a gay woman meant that she could not make eye contact with any woman for fear of being considered a predator. She developed many nervous ticks during this time, and she still struggles with them. On top of this, she was originally able to enjoy sex, but after her fifth time being sexually assaulted, her body locked up and can simply no longer feel anything when touched sexually. Lait is entirely aware of what she is missing, and is devastated. It is very hard to be a lesbian who is asexual because then other lesbians will assume that you aren't a real lesbian. Instead of supporting you for losing something that you desperately wanted, they will chastise you for not having it.

Disposition

Lait is easily excited by small things and genuinely loves the world around her. She loves meeting new people and talking to people who are really interested in something. Lait also enjoys helping people because she is deeply-empathetic. Actually, she cannot hurt people willingly because of this, at least not without feeling bad. For instance, if her past abuser came back and she yelled at him, and then he said he was sad, she would genuinely feel bad even though she really shouldn't. She needs to make other people feel good in order to feel good.

Brief Character Break

Lait au Fraises is a character whose life and feelings closely relate to my own, and so I hope that you will forgive me if any information is misrepresented; I am biased, but I do try to be truthful. I was originally going to sell Lait, however I grew attached to her design and found myself identifying closely both with it and with her. You see, I stand at 5ft2 (152 cm) and have a mostly optomistic view of the world. I love other people and take what they say at face value unless they threaten me or have messed with me in the past. Because of this, many people assume that I am a stupid airhead with no grasp of reality. If you are traumatized, you evidently must also be a jaded a**hole. Now, I *am* jaded, but I am still optomistic because that's just my disposition. Any actual history for Lait will be hers and hers alone. I would never tell the truth about what happened to me, because I know just how incompitent law inforcement is. I was unfortunate enough to have put my faith in them in the past.