Foxtrot

"...You probably won't catch me at this crib again, and if I were you, I wouldn't go tryin' to play Hide-And-Find-Whatever-I-Missed-Today. I know some of you peeps are gonna see this and go, "Check it! I went anyway! Who are you tellin' me what to do, my gramps?" But trust me dudes...some secrets are better left for the spooks to keep to themselves. Hey, would you want a total newb bursting into your crib, reading your diary, and telling everyone he knows all about your dirty deets? And you may be thinking ...hey, I'm dead, what do I care? But there's a lotta you dudes, I know...you look at me and tell me that that count-lookin' guy on the mantle photo would be totally chill with the 3.7 million of you knowing his deepest, darkest secrets. He looks like he can throw a mean chair...yeah, right from the chrome dome!"

"Just be safe, and do your research before your first expedition. You're gonna find more than just some dusty bookshelves and old magazines. And speaking of bookshelves...here's another reason why I won't be coming back here! Don't forget to follow so you don't miss my livestream as I read it out loud! What historical events did he live through? Is he the kinda vampire that doesn't eat people that totes get under his grill? We're gonna find out!"

"That's all from me, broskis and broskettes! See you next Tuesday!"